Kabanata 7
It was Friday afternoon when I heard a knock on my door.
Muling nasa labas ng apartment ko si Travis.
"Ano nanaman ginagawa mo rito?" kunot noo kong tanong.
"I realized what you said last night, and I came here to apologize. You're right, I should've paid more attention to you because we're going to have a child together. So, Let's go out."
'Yan ang rason kung bakit nasa sala ko siya ngayon at hinihintay akong magbihis.
Kanina pa ako rito sa kuwarto at hindi mapakali. Ilang beses na ba ako umupo't tumayo sa kama? Ilang beses na ba akong nagpabalik-balik sa paglalakad at hindi mapirmi. Hindi ko na nga siguro mabilang. Gosh I'm freaking out.
Dahil sa kaba dali-dali kong tinawagan si Jay.
"May kailangan ka? Cravings nanaman ba?" biro nito
"Travis is in my apartment right now. He asked me to go out with him. Hindi ko alam kung tamang desisyon ang pumayag sa kanya, gusto ko sumama para sa bata, but won't that be cheating?" tarantang tanong ko kay Jay.
Bumuntong hininga ito, "I don't know if we should consider it cheating, he's just doing his responsibilities Rachel." aniya
"But we're doing this behind Cindy's back! Nakokonsensya ako Jay, paano na lang kung bigla namin makasalubong si Cindy? Ayaw ko na ito dagdagan pa ng panibangong kasinungalingan."
"Rachel, listen to me.." he said gently, "If you feel bad about going out with him, then just decline. Hindi maganda sa buntis ang maraming iniisip." anito
Matapos nun, pinatay ko na ang tawag dahil may gagawin din ito. Hindi kinakaya ng sarili kong isipin na nag-sama kami ni Travis nang hindi alam ni Cindy. Being pregnant with his fiance's child is depressing enough, ayaw ko na 'yun dagdagan pa.
Muli akong lumabas ng kuwarto at hinarap si Travis. He was sitting on the sofa and was busy on his phone.
"Travis." tawag ko sa atensyon nito, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting, but I can't come with you. We can't go together." Mabilis kong sabi.
Kumunot ang noo nito, "Why? Kanina lang ay payag ka." he asked and stood up. Naglakad ito papalapit sa akin, inabot nito ang kamay ko at taimtim akong tinignan, "Are you okay?"
There was concern and worry in his eyes. Nararamdama ko rin iyon sa paraan ng pag-haplos nito sa aking kamay.
"I know you're making an effort to build our relationship, but this doesn't feel right to me Travis. Paano si Cindy? Alam ba niya kung nasaan ka?"
Umawang ang bibig nito at dahan-dahan bumaba ang tingin sa aming kamay. "I understand. But I promise, I'll keep you safe. Hindi kita hahayaan Rachel, gusto kitang makasama at ang anak ko. I want to fulfill my duties as a Father." tumaas ang tingin nito sa akin, "Pero kung ayaw mo, I respect that. Mahirap naman talaga ang sitwasyon natin." aniya
Kumirot ang puso ko sa mga sinabi nito. Huminga ako nang malalim, "I'm really sorry Travis."
Tumango ito at malungkot na ngumiti, "I'll go then." anito.
He let go of my hand and walked outside the door.
The moment the door closed, I felt another guilt inside me.
Fuck! This is so confusing.
I tightly shut my eyes and massaged my temples, what should I do?
I breathed. Just this one time, nothing will hurt right?
Mabilis ang mga hakbang na tinahak ko ang pinto upang habuling si Travis. Nakita ko itong lumiko patungong elevator.
