Kabanata 13
"What were you talking about?" Travis asked as he sip his juice.
Joven turned his gaze to Travis, "Just random stuff. Ilang araw ko rin hinding nakita itong si Rachel kaya marami-rami rin kaming pinagusapan." he chuckled, "Nalimutan na nga namin ayusin ang crib para sa baby."
Nakita ko ang pagkunot ng noo ni Travis, at kahit na ayaw nitong kausapin si Joven, pinipilit pa rin niya. "Buti ikaw ang tinawagan niya." anito.
"Of course, I'm the father. I have to do everything for the baby."
Travis looked down and clenched his jaw, alam kong hindi niya nagustuhan ang sinabi ni Joven pero hindi niya puwedeng ipakita 'yon dahil may posibilidad na baka mabuking kami kay Joven. He even held his fist so tight it almost turned pale.
Lumipat ang aking tingin kay Joven, "Joven, puwede mo bang kunin ang brown envelope sa ibabaw ng drawer sa kwarto ko?" I asked him.
Agad naman itong tumango, "Sige.", aniya at dumiretso sa kuwarto ko.
Nang makaalis siya, agad kong inabot ang nakakuyom na kamay ni Travis. I gently rubbed his knuckles with my thumb to calm him down. Yumuko ako para hulihin ang kanyang tingin, "I'm sorry kung nasaktan ka sa sinabi ni Joven. I told him to stop pretending as her Dad." tukoy ko sa anak ko.
Instead of answering, he just opened his hand that I was holding and intertwined it with mine.
His hands were rough and calloused, but I love the way it feels with my hand. He gently rubbed his thumb on my finger as he stare at our hands together. Hindi ko alam ngunit sa paraan ng pagtingin nito ay parang may tinatagong emosyon na ayaw niya ipakita.
Narinig ako ang pagbukas ng pinto sa aking kwarto kaya agad kong binawi ang kamay ko sa kanya.
I looked up to Joven and smiled as he gave me the envelope.
"Ano ba'ng laman niyan?" tanong nito nang makaupo.
I heaved a sigh and opened the envelope. Kinuha ko ang ilang letratong naroroon at inilabas para ipakita. I wanted to show this to Travis since he hasn't seen it before.
I smiled, "This is my sonogram. We got this when we learned the gender of the baby." pagkukwento ko.
"I remember that day." Joven chuckled, "I clearly remember you crying right after the doctor announced the gender of the baby."
Natawa na lang din ako nang maalala ang araw na 'yon. Hindi ko mapigilang mahiya dahil sa pagiging emosyunal ko, kaya naman napailing na lang ako.
On the other hand, I saw Travis reach for the picture. He intently looked at it and traced our baby's face on the picture with his fingers. It was printed in black and white and was a bit blurry, but he's looking at it like as if our baby was already in front of us.
"She's beautiful."
I chuckled, "I know she is. Sino kaya magiging kamukha niya?"
He chuckled then whispered, "Probably her dad."
I smiled when I saw him smile too. I knew this will cheer him up.
"When's the due date?" he asked.
"Sabi ng doktor, baka last week of July."
"Are you planning to give birth here in the country before you go?" tanong ni Joven, at dahil sa tanong niya, muling bumalik sa pagkakakunot ng noo si Travis. Binaba nito ang letrato at tinapunan ng tingin si Joven na may halong pagtataka.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Haven't she told you yet?"
Lumipat ang tingin sa akin ni Travis at agad bumalik kay Joven. "Tell me what?"
"She had an offer from her boss to work abroad. It's a good opportunity and I'm pushing her to accept it. Sa tingin ko naman ay gusto niya rin." pagkukwento nito, "And Rachel is talented, I'm sure kaya niyang makipagsabayan sa mga tao roon."
Alam kong maraming tanong si Travis, at sa mukha pa lang nito, alam kong hindi sang-ayon si Travis na umalis ako ng bansa.
"Where are you going exactly?" Travis asked.
I cleared my throat before answering, slightly nervous. "I'm going to New York. My work there will start right after I finish my training. If I accepted the offer, I'll be leaving two months from now."
Parang nagdilim ang mukha ni Travis at nag-iba ang aura, "Hindi ka aalis." matigas na tugon nito.
"Travis－"
Pumutol sa aking pagsasalita si Joven, "If she wants to, why stop her? You can't order her around just liked that Travis." ismid nito.
"You don't even know if it's safe for her to travel! Dito siya manganganak, at dito niya rin palalakihin ang bata." he said firmly.
"Sino ka ba para utusan siya? Kaibigan ka lang naman." sagot ni Joven pabalik.
"Kaya may karapatan akong sabihan siya dahil kaibigan niya ako! I was with here from the very beginning, e ikaw? Sino ka ba?" anito at napatayo na. Dahil don, tumayo na rin si Joven para harapin siya.
I frowned and tried to catch their attention, "Can we please calm down－"
"I am her partner!" singhal nito, dahil dito natigilan si Travis. "Don't be a hindrance for something she deserves! Masyado nang maraming sinakripisyo si Rachel para sa ibang tao at hindi mo siya puwedeng pigilan sa ano man gusto niya."
Travis was breathing heavily and Joven was still looking at Travis.
"Joven, ako na ang kakausap kay Travis. Umalis ka muna, please?" saad ko. Mukhang kumalma naman ang aura nito, "I'll just call you.." bulong ko.
Agad na tumango si Joven at kinuha ang ilan niyang mga gamit at tumayo. He placed a kiss on my cheek before leaving my apartment.
NANG makaalis si Joven, natagpuan ko si Travis na nakaupo at hinihilot ang kanyang sentido.
"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin na aalis ka?"
I sighed, "Travis, may sarili kang buhay at gano'n din naman ako. Hindi puwedeng sa bawat oras ay tanungin kita para sa desisyon na gagawin ko just because I'm pregnant with your child."
"Ilalayo mo sa akin ang bata?"
Tumabi ako sa kanya nang upo, "I'm not. Puwede mo pa rin siyang bisitahin at kausapin. Hindi kita pipigilan doon, but going to New York and achieving my dreams, it's a different story." I sighed, "Hindi ka na kasama doon Travis."
Naging sunud-sunod ang buntong hininga nito at sumandal sa sofa. He looked up and smiled faintly. Nakita ko ang pagningning ng mga mata nito na parang iniiwasan tumulo ang mga luha.
"I just can't imagine my life without seeing my daughter" he cried, "I wonder, what if I never came back to Cindy? What if I tried to stop loving her and focus on you? Would things change?"
"There's so many what if's in my head, so many scenarios and I just can't help but think, that I should've done those things. Para naman hindi ako nababaliw dito kakaisip." he continued.
Hinayaan ko lamang siyang umiyak at ibubos ang kanyang damdamin. I know it's been tough for him thinking about his wedding, work, and our little secret.
I placed my hand above his to try and soothe him a little.
Ilang oras din kaming natahimik hanggang sa lumalim na ang gabi. Hindi ko na siya hinayaang umuwi dahil baka mapano pa ito sa daan. Instead, I let him sleep in my apartment.
I changed into my lingerie and he removed his clothes, leaving his boxers on. Humiga siya sa aking tabi at ginawang unan ang aking braso, he's still breathing heavily and I can still hear his sobs under his breath.
I gently brushed his hair with my fingers, calming him.
