Into You •Finnpoe Stormpilot•

Chapter XII

He couldn't sleep. He tried so hard to shut his eyes and but he just couldn't. He desperately wanted to but all he heard was the slow rhythm of Finn breathing next to him. Watching his body rise and fall was the only thing he had been doing other than staring at the ceiling for hours.

It didn't matter if he'd fall asleep anyway, he would get nightmares and wake himself up and he didn't want to bring Finn with him. The last time, he woke up in a cold sweat and his sheets were nowhere in sight.

They were flashbacks from back home that felt so real that he could feel the walls of his old house around him and the voices of his family clear as day. It sent chills down his spine every time.

He hated reliving them, like it hadn't hurt him enough going through it once. Even if he had left, it still followed him and moving would seem more and more worthless. He always wanted someone to comfort him, yet, once he finally did, he didn't want them to know.

So he kept his gaze at the thin beams of light that came in through the window shining on the yellow wall and listened to the cars driving by hoping he wouldn't disrupt his roommates slumber by falling asleep. And he didn't.

•••

"You look so tired, Poe," Finn commented as he poured himself a bowl of cereal for a late night dinner.

Even though it was a lie and he hadn't had a good sleep in the past week, Poe shook his head. "I'm just stressed about trying to find a job and now apparently a place."

"Why do you need to find a place?" Finn said flipping through a book and taking a spoonful of Cheerios. "You've got here."

He didn't want to admit that he hadn't been sleeping nor hurt Finn's feelings by bringing up moving right after he had moved in but he knew it wouldn't stay like this for long. Poe knew that depending on how well Finn and Lily were doing they could eventually move in together. Or the very real possibility of one of them moving of town and leaving.

It had never hit him before that they wouldn't always be here together. He almost forgot that life consists of more than meeting one person and being with them for a long time. There were things that Finn still had to do. Getting photography opportunities would be great for him and he could move halfway across the world leaving Poe to fend for himself back here.

"I just don't want to be a burden-"

"Stop with that burden shit, you're not one. If you were I hadn't offered. Unless-" Finn looked up at Poe with a fallen face and the shadow of a hidden frown. "Unless you don't really want to live with me."

It hurt Poe to see that look on Finn's usual bright face. It didn't suit him whatsoever and he hated the fact that it was himself that set that frown in place.

"Of course not, buddy. I want to live with you," he said wanting to continue with another excuse but knew it wouldn't wipe that sad look off of Finn's face so he stopped there.

" Are you sure?" Finn whispered like it was a precious secret that couldn't be shared with anyone except them two.

Poe set his hand on his shoulder reassuring him, "I'm absolutely positive."

Finn's face lifted from a frown to a small content smile and Poe felt the tension in his chest fade away. The longer he was around him, the more he wanted to be with him. Not like do things together, he wanted to be with him. But he convinced himself that he was imagining all the times that something intimate happened between them and shook off any feelings that could potentially hurt him. Not that it helped (it almost seemed to make it worse but he refused to acknowledge that).

Finn was obviously straight. There was no way that he felt anything towards him and that was the reason he had to start slowly putting space between the two of them. He didn't want to go to the point of no return, if he hadn't even gone past it already. But he knew he was getting dangerously close.

"Do you want the outside of the bed? I know you wake up sometimes and if you want to move around I can have the wall. I'm a pretty deep sleeper." Finn rambled as he cleaned out his bowl and began to tidy his area.

Poe's cleaning habits had gotten much better since he moved in. Mainly because he didn't want Finn to have any reason to be upset at him but nonetheless, better.

"Are you sure?" Poe started. "I don't want to bother-"

"Don't say bother, you're not being a bother. I want to make sure you feel comfortable. You're taking the edge," Finn cut him off knowing he had to insist firmly unless Poe would keep worrying.

"Okay," Poe said with a half smile. Finn knew him well, and maybe that added depth to the pit in his stomach that he felt whenever he did something like that. It was complicated.

Their drawers were on opposite sides of the room so they both had space which worked out well. Finn went to his to change into some comfortable clothes to sleep in. He was too self conscious to wear his normal just-some-shorts to sleep.

Finn pulling his day shirt over his head made Poe blush furiously to the point where he decided to just go to the restroom and get ready for bed in there. There was no way he was going to get caught blushing at the sight of his roommate half naked.

After locking the door behind him, Poe buried his hands in his face and mumbled to himself to pull it together. He ran his fingers though his hair and looked up at the mirror to see the image in front of him.

"Why are you such a mess?" He said to himself throwing his head back emotionally conflicted.

This routine wouldn't be able to last long and he knew it. He needed to figure what to do to throw his feelings for Finn out of the window, and soon.