addicted - harry lewis

five

Silence and the darkness of Harry's room embraced me in a hug as my eyes opened and adjusted to the lighting. I felt very peaceful. I looked up at Harry and it looked like he wasn't sleeping very well at all. He was constantly turning, furrowing his eyebrows in his sleep.

A couple of minutes later, Harry sits up and gasps for air. This, I'll have you know, scared the absolute shit out of me. He begins to hyperventilate and grip his knees. His whole body starts to shake.

"Shhh, it's okay, you're okay, shhh, copy my breathing, you're okay," I place a hand on his chest to reassure him that I'm here. He listened to my commands and his breathing eventually slows down to its normal rate. I always found it helpful to try and copy somebody else's breathing to calm down.

"I'm so sorry," he cries. I take up the role of big spoon and wrap my arms around him, giving him a kiss on the head before resting my head on his.

"Don't worry about it, it's okay," I whispered, moving my thumb back and forth above his collarbone. This must've been very relaxing to him because he stopped crying relatively fast. He began looking around his room for something.

"Where's my water bottle?" he mumbled to himself.

"I'll get you some water," I said, getting up from the bed.

"Thank you," he smiled, itching his nose. I made my way downstairs and to the kitchen quietly, just in case the Cals were asleep. I entered the kitchen and I saw that both Cals were sitting at the breakfast bar. They stopped their conversation and smiled at me.

"Didn't realise you were still here," Lux said.

"Didn't realise you wanted me gone," I laughed, scanning the kitchen for a glass.

"Do you want a glass of water?" Freezy asked. I nodded and he got up, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. I thanked him as he handed it to me. Lux looked confused when I didn't start drinking it.

"It's for Harry," I said.

"Is he alright?" Lux asked with a serious look on his face.

"He had a bad dream and started panicking but I managed to calm him down," I shrugged. The boys looked at each other, looking as if they were holding their breaths. Lux tapped Freezy on the shoulder with the back of his hand and Freezy stood up.

"I-I'm gonna go talk to him, I'll be right back," he said before dashing upstairs. I looked at Lux with a confused look whereas Lux had his eyes glued to the window. We both stayed still for a couple of seconds until Lux finally spoke.

"We don't know anyone that is able to calm Harry down from a panic attack, other than himself," Lux said before turning to look at me, "What did you do?"

"I kind of just reassured him that I was here and that it was okay, told him to copy my breathing".

"That's what we usually do but it never works," he said.

"How long has he been dealing with panic attacks?" I asked.

"I assume that it was his stepdad that caused his anxiety because he's been dealing with them ever since we met, probably way before that too," he said.

Nobody deserves to go through what he went/is going through. Harry is the sweetest person I have ever met and it breaks my heart to know that somebody treated him very poorly. It breaks my heart even more to know that it still majorly affects him. His stepdad must have been absolutely insane to treat Harry however he did.

"Do you have any idea of what his stepdad did?" I asked quietly. I knew it wasn't really my business, but I was curious.

"It's not my place to say, sorry. I will say this though: never go near that man," he said harshly. I went to say something but I was cut off when Freezy appeared again at the staircase. He walked over to us and sat in his seat.

"Is he okay?" Lux asked.

"Yeah he's still cl-," Freezy stopped himself quickly, "He's good, yeah".

"I should probably go back up," I said pointing towards the stairs, "It was nice talking to you guys though, goodnight".

"Goodnight!" they both called out as I walked back up to Harry's room. When I got there, I saw that he wasn't there and neither was the duvet on his bed. I went up one more flight of stairs and saw that Harry was stood outside, wrapped up in his duvet and looking out towards the river. He turned to look at me when I opened the door out onto the roof/balcony.

"Hey," he said in a raspy voice. I walked over and stood next to him, regretting not bringing my jacket. Maybe I didn't regret it though, because next thing I knew Harry had wrapped the duvet around me too. More cuddles! I'm such a mastermind.

"Hey," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his waist. There was undeniable chemistry between us and I knew he felt it too. He threw his arms around me too, making sure I was still wrapped up in the duvet. We both looked out into the night sky. 

The stars were so shiny and bright, his eyes were beyond compare. The whiteness of the moon
reminded me of his pearly white smile. He was so perfect, yet so unaware.

"Before I moved to London, I used to have a couple of friends that were girls, but they're not friends with me anymore. Whenever they came over to my house, my stepdad would touch them inappropriately and it scared them off. They all refused to go near me as if I were responsible for his actions. He was always creepy towards my sister too. He cheated and beat my Mum often. He would beat me too because I was the only one in my family that stood up for everyone. He would always lie. He would always put blame on me. He is a disgusting person and I hate that I still get nightmares about him. I hate that he still boils my blood until I can't breathe," he opened up. I hugged onto him tighter. 

"Did any of the girls report him?" I asked.

"They didn't, they were too scared," he said itching his nose on his shoulder, not wanting to let go of me.

"I'm so sor-"

"Stop apologising, you're too sweet," he kissed the top of my head. Incoming: butterflies.

We stayed silent for a minute before he spoke up again.

"They're moving to London in a few weeks. My Mum invited me to a little house warming party. I haven't seen them in person since I moved," Harry said. 

"Are you going to go?" I asked.

"I'm not sure yet. I want to go to see my Mum and my siblings but-"

"You don't want to see him," I finished his sentence.

"Yeah," he shivered a little bit.

"Come on, let's go back inside," I said. We both went back down to Harry's room and remade the bed tidily, that was before he crawled underneath the blankets. I sat on the side on the bed, thinking. Why did I still feel like there's something that Harry isn't telling me?

"Shit, I forgot to tell you something," he said. I turned around to see him sitting against the headboard. Our eyes meet and his breathing becomes slightly shaky.

"Yeah?" I said with a kind smile.

"There's a party at the Sidemen house, Friday night. BYOB. Please come," he smiled.

"I think I might be working but I could see if I could swap shifts with someone?" I suggested. He nodded before resting his head on his pillow. I got under the duvet on the other side of the bed as Harry.

"Hey, come here, I want cuddles," he said in a cute voice. I playfully rolled my eyes and moved closer to him. He wrapped his arm around my waist as I placed my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat loud and clear which made me smile.

I could easily see myself falling for him. Maybe I already had? None the less, he was like a drug to me.