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A mouth and a week. That's all I have before my world change to come crashing down on me like a wave hitting the shore. The lies and secret will be put there in the open.

Do I want them to be out there in the open? No. Will some be hurt in the process? I don't know. It's been five years. I don't think someone could hold a grudge for so long. He sister moved on with her girlfriend. Married now. Would she carry ill feelings that I was sleeping with her fiance?

I know my mother would have a field day with this type of information. Who else have I offended with what I've done?

I try not to think about what is to come. I don't want to but it pops up and doesn't want to go away no matter how I try to get rid of it.

Does he have a girlfriend? Is he married? Engaged? Single? I'm not sure of his relationship status at the moment.

I don't know why but it puts me on edge. What I visit this Christmas to see him saddle up with some. Will I make it through the holiday without breaking myself apart over that fact that I can never have him because someone always have an ownership over him before I do.

I know you blame me for this predicament but would you have stayed with something like that going on in your life.

I stared at the wall opposite me combing my fingers through my hair. I can't stop dreading this holiday knowing that it will be the big reveal.

Will it seem like a lie if she is introduced to her father this Christmas after meeting him before. Or will her childish mind accept it the way it is. 

I turned of the TV that was only serving as background noise. Getting up I made my way upstairs to my room to take a shower. Stripping I get into the shower letting the water droplets hit my body and trails their way the skin of my body dripping down on the ground when their journey down my body as come to an end.

I want the water to wash away all my worries and stress. I don't want to think about what is to come. I want to have a relaxing night. I haven't had any since his appearance in my life and the emotions making themselves known. They are no longer forgotten but simmering under the surface of my skin. Waiting for that beating of my heart to come flooding my whole body.

Battling against my mind telling me to listen, to follow my heart. But where would it lead me. I have practice not to let my emotions rule me not to let it cloud my eyes and if I do listen to my heart I'm doing exactly that.

It pays to love but am I ready to pay the price...once again.

Is it easier to give in or is it easier to fight.

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"Are you sure about this?" Asked Cassie.

I was packing my suitcase for the Christmas holiday that I was going to spend at my parents.

"Yeah it's time I do it and do it where it all started." I told her walking into my closet to come back out with clothes in my hands.

"I'm sorry that I made you waste your time coming out here to go back. I didn't plan this I just happened." I said looking at her thinking maybe she is regretting coming to visit me to go back.

I had to call my parents and tell them that this year I've changed where I'll be spending the Christmas which will be at their house. My mother was happy to agree but of course she would she never liked that I've moved away without telling them and she didn't like that her granddaughter isn't just minutes away from her by hours.

"Don't worry about it." She shrug like it was nothing. "At least I'll go back to see him."

"I'll pay for your ticket." She smiled at that and I began flowing clothes til all her word settle into the silence.

"Wait you're back together with him?" I asked I disbelief. The last time she talked about him was two months ago. They had break up with each other or more correctly she broke up with him. It is an usual occurrence but this time I thought it was the end.

"Yeah." She said putting the loose strands of hair behind he ears. "A few weeks back before I flied out here."

"And you didn't thought to tell me this." I said disappointed that she took this long to tell me that she is back with Danny.

"I was gonna." She defend and I raise a brow. "Don't look at me that way you were too busy dealing with your shit with Ethan and i didn't want to interrupt with my on and off relationship." She added when the eyebrow didn't come down.

"Fair enough but you should have told me the minute you were off that plane and in my house." I pointed at her scoldingly.

"Yeah yeah I'll remember not to keep you waiting to hear me babble about my failing relationship." She said sarcasm lacing her words.

"Cassie I love you and all your baggages even with your messed up relationships."

"Aw you love me." She cooed.

"I've always love you babe and I will continue love you and even more if you help me pack this suitcase." I have her a sweet smile. I know she would but if she choose not to I add my charm.

She shook her head and walked over to the cluster of clothes and started folding.

We talked until the suitcase was packed with all that I would need over the Christmas holiday.

"Now that's all done let's get started on dinner and tomorrow we can pack Chrissann bags." I said slapping my hands on my thigh. I got up walking out of my room to find myself in the kitchen seconds later.

Half a hour later my little princess came running in the house leaving her bag on the island to go in the fridge.

She sat down took out her books and started on her homework. I smiled at that. She didn't have to wait until I tell her to do her homework.

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