The Detective Princess (Yusuke x reader x Akechi)

Chapter 12

I didn't mean to scream. I didn't mean to drive him away. 

Was he scared? Guilty of bringing horrible memories back?

I want to reach out and apologize to him. But, my body went against my will as I covered my face to hide the tears on the verge of streaming down my face. The memories that I tried to seal away was like a pillow full of glass shards inside. And the tighter I cling onto it, the deeper the cuts will be. It will come to the point where the wounds I receive turn into scars that will never recover.

Ryuji was obviously in shock. I've never seen him in this state before. Then again, I just met him. I couldn't even say anything without a slur in my words. He moved as if he didn't have full control of his body. Before I could tell myself to grab him, he stood up and left.

And I didn't chase after him.

They had to call Goro to come to get me. I didn't say anything on our way home. Goro knew what happened the moment he saw me.

I am really that obvious, huh?

He stuck to my side in the streets like a guard dog protecting its owner.

My body stiffened at the slightest touch of his fingers. 

As I laid on the bed, my body curled up into a fetal position and clutched the sheets close to my body. The cold from the sheets did nothing to calm me down until I felt Goro lay next to me. His arms snaked around my waist with his fingers stroking my skin as if I were as fragile as glass. 

When he pulled me close to his body, I didn't want to leave. It felt like all my pain and fear went away. His warmth gave me this eerie sense of life despite my body screaming from the fury of punches aimed at me years ago. If only I could stay in his arms forever, I could have the strength to forget what happened to me in the past. Only God knows if we will stay like this later in the future. And I hope, for once, God listens to my prayers and gives me at least the slightest bit of hope that he listens. That he, the holy figure that people have faith in, shows the slightest bit of mercy to me.

I felt his lips press against my hair before he rubbed my shoulders. I lean in closer as the tears glistening in my eyes slowly start to dry up. My breath was a bit shaky, but as I took deep breaths, this aching feeling in my chest withers into nothingness. 

Please, could you kiss my name?

When I turn off the lights, I want you to become the wonder of my life even in the darkness.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The office was quiet. Almost nobody was working today, for some odd reason. Goro and I were the only ones here other than Sae Niijima, who paid little to no attention to us despite us working together.

I sat back against my seat while checking the recent messages on my phone. There were a couple of messages from the group chat. I couldn't open them. Guilt ate me whenever I see his name in the chats. I took my pills before leaving. 

My head feels like it's about to be torn apart. As if my persona was trying to split my head to escape. I rested my head against the desk and tried to dull the pain. I just hoped Shido didn't have another mission for us.

I don't know if I could control it well.

The icon of the Metaverse was tempting. My fingers hovered over the app before I pulled away, realizing what I was doing. 

No.

Don't torture yourself.

Don't do it!

"I won't do it. You're not going to make me..." I said to myself and shoved my phone to the corner of my cubicle. Files fell on my phone as it made impact on them. My fingers ran through my hair until I took a couple of deep breaths.

1...

2...

3...

And again.

1...

2...

3...

I opened them again.

The pain dulled for a mere second. I would kill just to have one minute of peace and quiet these days. 

Where was Goro?

He said he wouldn't take so long today. Could Shido have sent him on a mission without me?

What if he left me?

The thought of his abandonment raced inside my head, I want them to slow down but I can't. I want to breathe but I can't. They come in little gasps that make me feel as if I will pass out. I pressed my hand against my chest as my heart pounded against my chest, ready to burst out. 

I feel sick.

I want to call Goro, ask him where the hell he was.

But it's too far.

Too far away for me to reach. 

He's gone.

He's gone.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. imsorry imsorry imsorry imsorry imsorry-

Whereishe?

My body rocked on the chair as I hugged myself. My nails dug deep into my skin as I tried to calm down. They trembled as those salty tears streamed down my face. 

She wants out.

Tear me apart.

Get out of me.

Kill me.

Please, end my suffering.

"Y/N? Y/N, look at me. Keep your eyes on me," My heart raced. He squats in front of me, rotating the chair so that I faced him. My eyes fell on him. His eyebrows furrowed in worry and pain. I was hurting him.

I'm hurting him.

I'm hurting him.

Goro, I'm sorry-

"Don't say you're sorry. I love you. I love you..." He grabbed my knuckles and planted kisses on them. He tells me over and over again, grabbing my face and forcing me to look at him. My mouth grew tired as I took in his words. I could see his eyes almost tear up. This was the side only I can see from Goro - His vulnerable and caring side.

He's here.

He hasn't left me.

Please, don't leave me...

"I need you to calm down. Don't you ever say you're sorry," He whispered in my ears before hugging me. And there I stayed, unaware of how long Goro was hugging me until I finally found myself. My fingers went through his hair as I pressed my lips against my forehead.

"I shouldn't have left you for so long. It was inconsiderate of me..." He regretted. 

I scared him. 

"Goro, I don't want you to leave me..." My voice sounded like I had been coughing my lungs out for a while now. But, it was because of how dry my throat was from my rapid breathing.

"I won't. Nor do I want you to leave me..." He stayed quiet before hugging me again. 

This time, I was capable of hugging back.