Finding Myself

24: Riley

When I head to school, the only person on my mind is Quinn. She is so understanding and incredibly beautiful, it's hard not to think about her.

Do I have a crush?

Is this what it's like? To feel so much for another person?

I've never really had a crush before. I mean Mason doesn't count because we were friends and first and it just seemed right to be in a relationship with him.

What am I doing? I'm not supposed to be crushing on another person when I have a boyfriend. I need to stop this stupid thought process.

Then it hits me again that I have this feeling for a girl. Holy shit. What does this mean? I'm so confused.

I can't be gay. I just can't. I have feelings for Mason, but that night at the party I felt something with Quinn. For fucks sake, how could this happen.

She's just my friend. We opened up to each other and are on really good terms. Why would I fuck up our friendship or my relationship with Mason?

But I can't shake these stupid butterflies when I'm with Quinn. I need to do something about this.

Maybe if I see Quinn with someone else then my feelings will go away? I should help her get a boyfriend. Maybe Mason can help me find a good guy for her.

"Earth to Riley, you there?" Mason teases me. I snap out of my thoughts and we chuckle.

"What are you thinking about so intensely?" He asks.

"We need to find Quinn a guy to date," I blurt out.

Mason looks at me with a bizarre look and his black eye is very noticeable. His parents did not react well to do, but I think they bought the lie that Mason was playing football with some guys at the party and got elbowed in the face.

"Alright, I think there are a couple of football guys that are really attracted to her, they would take her on a date," Mason adds.

"No! Most of the football guys on his team are stinky jerks. Quinn deserves the best guy, not a jerk who just wants sex from her," I yell.

Mason widens his eyes and puts his hands up in shock at my outburst. "Okay, okay. Not just any dude for Quinn, got it. There's one guy on the team that she might look, he's nice and would treat her right."

"Anyway, why are you so interested in finding someone for Quinn?" Mason adds.

"I just want her to be happy. And if she has a boyfriend then we can do double dates and stuff," I reply hoping that he believes me. He does, he doesn't question me anymore as we get out of the car and head into school.

"I'll talk to the guy today and see if he wants to do a double date then. We could go to the carnival this weekend. What do you say?" He tells me.

"Um, yeah that sounds great," I reply. I'm totally lying, thatbsounds awful. I don't want to see her flirting with someone else. The though of that disgusts me. However, I need to get over this dumb crush, so this might just work.

After a few minutes I see Quinn waiting outside of class for me and I wave. Before I head into class with her, i make sure to say goodbye to Mason and give him a passionate kiss. I'm hoping this will take my mind of off the fact that I'll spend the whole period with Quinn. It doesn't work though, when I open my eyes I imagine Quinn in front of me instead of Mason. Shit!

I say goodbye and walk in with Quinn, but I don't dare look at her now. I'm blushing like crazy and I don't want to act like an idiot in front of her. However, Quinn notices how quiet I am and she leans over to me to whisper in my ear.

"Hey, if it's about what happened over the weekend, it's okay. You don't need to act distant or shy around me, I get you. You can be yourself around me and tell me anything," she says reassuringly. However, I'm shiver and get goosebumps from her close proximity. I give her a quick smile before looking at my notes and pretending to review before class starts.

"Do we have a quiz or something?" Quinn asks as she leans closer to see over my shoulder. However, I didn't realize how close she was so when I turn my head I accidentally hit her nose.

Quinn puts her hand over her nose in pain and I'm repeating sorry over and over to her. Oh my god, I'm such a mess. I'm blushing like crazy now and have no idea how to make things better.

After a bit Quinn looks at me and watches as I stumble over my words and a smile starts to creep on her face. Then she starts laughing and puts her hands on my shoulder so that I focus on her.

She shakes me a bit before saying, "Hey, it's okay. It barely hurt at all."

"But when I hit your nose I heard a loud bump and it sounded like it hurt so much. Oh my, I'm so sorry," I start again and Quinn shushes me by putting a finger to my lips.

"I'm fine, Riley. Don't worry," she whispers as the teacher begins lecture.

I probably would have calmed down if it weren't for her finger touching my lips. What the fuck am I supposed to do now! I'm blushing again and the butterflies are going crazy in my stomach.

Quinn puts her finger down and turns around to face the front of the class and listens to the lecture. However, for the rest of class I can't think of anything but that act.

I kind of wish it was her lips instead of her finger though.

Wait what!?

No, that's not what I wish at all. That's wrong.

Very very wrong.

I have a boyfriend! I love him so much!

It's wrong to think of kissing my friend. Stop it you stupid stupid brain.

I need Mason to set up that date today. However, if I ask Quinn if she would go on a date now, I'm not sure she would say yes. But I can't afford to have her say no right now. I desperately need her to be with someone so that I can get over her.

So, I know it's wrong, but I need to set up the date without telling her. I'm just going to spring up the date at the end of the day or tomorrow that way she can't back out.

I just hope Mason picks a good guy for Quinn. If the fucker tries anything on Quinn, I'll punch him though. If he disrespects her, I'll do something worse. I'll break his nose or something.

Oh my god, why am I being so violent and protective like this. I need to stop, I'm not Quinn's bodyguard. Anyway, Quinn is much stronger than me, she could take down any high school guy. It would be easy for her to knock someone down or pin them to the ground.

Oh. You know what? It would actually be hot to be pinned against the ground or wall by Quinn.

Oh fuck! Stop stupid brain. Stop!

Quinn is a friend. Do not sexualize her!

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Author note: Oh this is going to get fun. Mwhahaha😂

Also something super embarrasing, but incredibly funny happened to me. If I made a YouTube video on it, would you guys watch it?