Finding Myself

35: Riley

I'm miserable.

Quinn won't talk to me at all. She refuses to answer my texts or pick up my calls. I don't know what to do. I want to make everything okay between us, but I don't know how.

I know what she wants now, but I can't be with her in that way. I just can't. She's my friend, I don't want to ruin that friendship and I don't want to ruin my relationship with Mason.

What does this all make me though? I do have feelings for Quinn, I feel so much when I'm around her.

Does this make me bisexual? I've had feelings for Quinn and Mason, so yeah, I guess I am.

However, the feelings have never been so strong with Mason as they have been with Quinn. This whole thing is so complicated. I wish I was normal. I don't want to have to deal with all this.

I walk over to Mason's as he is leaving his home. He puts his arms around me and kisses me, but I don't reciprocate. I feel numb now, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go to school or be near Mason now, I just want to be myself. Preferably in my bed.

Mason notices my down mood and asks, "What's wrong? Still upset by what happened with Quinn yesterday?"

I told him that Quinn and I had a fight, but I didn't tell him the real arguement. I just told him that we fought about the set up again. He bought it luckily.

"Cheer up, babe. Everyhting will be okay. You two will be back to being inseparable in no time," he comments. I give him a fake smile before we get in his car to head to school.

I wish it was as simple as Mason says. However, I don't know what is going to happen. I'm not sure if Quinn wants to just be my friend anymore. Regardless, I have to talk to her, I just have to, I need to try to fix things.

We make it to school in a few minutes and I don't even wait for Mason to get out of the car before I hop out and head inside. I'm going to have to apologize for leaving him later, but I need to see Quinn. I don't want her to hate me.

I walk though the hallway and try to squeeze past people to make it to my class. Once there I wait outside the door and scan the crowds for Quinn.

After a few minutes I spot her walking by. She glances up at me and then immediately looks down at the floor as she comes closer.

"Quinn, can we talk," I ask.

"Look, Riley, I think it's best that we don't right now. Class is about to start soon," she replies.

"Please, Quinn," I beg. "I'm sorry for hurting you, that was never my intention. Can we to back to how we were before, can we go back to being best friends?"

Quinn sighs and finally looks up at me to say, "I need time to think, Riley." With that being said, she walks past me to a seat in the back that is a few desks away from me.

I can't help but feel my heart breaking. I didn't mean to fuck everything up. I didn't mean to hurt her. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't know what to do to make this all stop.

I sigh and walk through the aisles of desk feeling absolutely defeated. I sit down in my usual spot but it feels wrong without Quinn sitting next to me. I feel like crying, but I hold the tears in and look out the window.

I can't let anyone see me like this. I don't want any attention on me. I just want to be invisible.

The entire class period, I can't help but glance over at Quinn who never turns to look at me. She stays focused on the lecture ahead and every second that goes by I feel worse.

Finally class ends and Quinn hurries on out of there, but I take me time. I feel sluggish so everything is hard to do right now, but I eventually get out of the class ro head to my next one.