Finding Myself

64: Riley

I've been at the hospital for a couple of hours now as they get me all checked. The back of my head hurts and the doctor had to stitch up the cut. The doctor made sure to ask me questions to check my memory and concentration and he also tested my reflexes to see if I had any severe injuries. Even though he said I seemed fine, I need to take it easy because I have a mild concussion. They also want me to wait for the MRI results before leaving so I wait in a room with my parents.

I didn't have to explain anything, the school already told them what happened. I don't think I would have been able to say anything, I'm been pretty quiet most of the time except to answer the doctor's questions. And I face the wall because I know how worried my parents are about me. If I look at them I might start crying and I don't want to. I'm still stuck in the terrified feeling of earlier.

Is this how Raf felt before dying? Did those horrible people who killed my brother resemble Joshua? Dis those murders try to turn everyone against my brother? Did they kill him for retaliating like Quinn did? The thought of Quinn possibly getting hurt if i didn't push her away haunts me.

I can't imagine seeing her head bleeding. I try to push away the thought, but it keeps coming back. So does the thought about my brother.

What if Mason wasn't there? What would Joshua have done then? What of I didn't walk in on Joshua trying to bother Quinn? What would have happened? Would he have hurt her? Sexually abuse or try to kill her?

Is this how it will always be? Will someone always be against Quinn and I being together? Are people like Joshua going to try to hurt us?

I'm scared. I don't want to end up in the ground like Raf.

"Riley," I hear my mom say and I finally turn to face her. "We need to talk about what happened."

"I don't want to," I whisper.

"I know you don't, Sweetie, but we have too," my dad adds. "Look, your mom and I know what's going between Quinn and you. I think we've always had an idea, but didn't want to say anything until you were ready to tell us."

"How did you know?" I blurt out.

"It was sort of obvious, Riley. You look at her the same way that your father and I look at each other. Not to mwntion you were so sweet and caring when it came to Quinn. You did try to give her the best date ever remember," my mom explains. That last part makes me give them a sheepish smile because I know they are right. I did everything to make Quinn smile because she is the most important person to me.

"Riley it's okay to be gay or bisexual and anything else. We love you all the same no matter what. We just don't want what happened today to make you feel ashamed or to hide," my dad adds.

"I don't want to be different. I just want to be normal. I just want to be left alone....," i can't finish my sentence because I start crying. My parents come over to me and hug me for a long time while I continue sobbing in their arms.

"Normal is boring. I want my sweet, quirky and beautiful daughter," my mom says.

"You're the only person we have left, Riley. We love you with everything we have. We don't care what your sexuality is, you're human. We all deserve to love whoever we want without limitations. And i know if Raf were here he would be saying the same thing. Your brother would have never wanted you to live in fear. He did everything in spite of fear, he wanted to teach the world more about love and less about hatred. Raf would want you to be true to yourself and to never be afraid of being yourself," my dad announces

"I wish he were here to tell me this though," I say.

"If he could he would be Riley. Don't doubt that he is looking after you though. I know he is cheering us on and still loves us with all his heart," my mom says.

I know she's right, but it doesn't make me miss Raf less. I know he would have always been there for me and protected me from everything in this world. He was a good person, the best person. He was always brave, braver than any person I know. Much more than I will ever be.

I don't know if I can overcome this fear right now. I want to. I want to be with Quinn so badly, but I don't want to get hurt.

"How did you know that your guy's love was enough? Enough to overcome tough times? How did you know you would be together forever?" I ask my parents.

"Love alone isn't enough, Riley. You need understanding, support, respect and so many other qualities to make a relationship work. And sometimes you need a bit of faith too. You will always go through tough times with someone, but if you see a future and the other person does too. Then it's something worth fighting for. If you see a happy and healthy life then keep fighting," my dad replies to the first two questions.

"Riley, it's impossible to know you will be with someone forever. However, if you meet someone that touches your soul and opens your eyes to the world then you need to keep that person close. Those people are few and far in between in life, these are the people that make life amazing. I didn't know that you're father was my soul mate at first. It took a while, but it was worth the wait and hardships. If I would have given up then Raf pr ypu would never be born. I would never change a single moment of my past no matter how much pain I went through. I love your brother and you so much," my adds.

Their words lift my spirits and make me start tearing up. My parents notice and hug me tightly again. For a second I felt like Raf was there too. Encouraging me along the way and showing me love. He and so many others fought for what was right and they gave their lives for this. Who would I be if I lived in fear despite knowing this. I can't let fear run my life. I just can't. I deserve to be fucking happy.

I need to live my life to the fullest.

For my brother.

For me.

For everyone who loves me.

I need be true to myself.

"I'm bisexual," I blurt out. My parents look at me and give me big smiles and ot encourages me to continue. "I was confused for a long time, but it finally makes sense. I wanted to deny it for so long, but I can't keep doing that. It's only hurting me to do that. I'm bisexual because at one point I was in love with Mason and now I'm in love with Quinn. I don't know what will happen in the future but I want to be with Quinn. And if one day we aren't together then I can see myself with either a man or women."

"Qhoever you chose, we will support you. Always. We love you, Riley," my parents respond.

And the fear is slowly fading away as i start to feel empowered. I'm happy. Happy that I finally told the truth. Happy that my parenrs accept me. Happy that I have Quinn and that I have my whole life ahead of me to be my true self.

I hug my parents one more time and stare at the door as we all hear a light knock. At the door there is Quinn and Mason patiently waiting to come in. My parents greet them and wave to me as they leave the room to give me space with them.

I need to talk about a lot with the two of them.

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Author note: I think I did 3 updates this week. Woah, that's a lot, but I couldn't wait. These last few chapters mean so much to me.

It's hard to imagine we are so close to the end. This book, and every book means the world to me. I love you all for following me in this journey.

I have a new idea for another story to start after this book. It's going to be very different. I want to go out of my comfort zone, I don't want to be limited into a box for my stories. The next book will be a straight romance and it will be 18+.

So if some of you are into that, I will give start soon and give updates. If not that's totally fine, I will write another lgbt story in the future. I have over 10 story ideas. I'm not going to stop writing anytime soon.