Finding Myself

53: Quinn

When we get to school, Riley and I say goodbye to her mom before walking inside. We don't dare hold hands even though I crave her touch. No one except for my friends know that I'm gay and no one knows that Riley likes girls and neither of us feel like announcing it. Most people at the school are accepting, but there are a few assholes who think it's okay to bully people for their race, color and sexuality. I'm not in the mood for this, especially since it's my last year here, so I keep quiet. I also didn't show off how gay I was because my parents didn't know and I didn't want them finding out, but it's too late for that now.

Riley and I walk through the hallways and make it to our first class together. We walk in and sit at our normal desks. I watch as Riley takes her stuff out and prepares for the lecture. She's so unbelievably adorable and all I want to do is pull her close to me so that I can kiss her.

"Are you going to get your stuff out or just stare at me all day," Riley teases, making me flustered.

"I can't help it, you're beautiful," I blurt out. Riley can't help but crack a smile, but she tries to play it off by rolling her eyes at me.

"Pay attention today, we have a test next week," she responds.

"It's going to be hard to pay attention to anything but you," I blurt out again. Damn, I really need to stop saying things without thinking. I'll just give myself away and I don't want anyone else knowing I'm gay.

"For fucks sakes, Quinn. You can't just say that and expect me to not want to kiss you," she whispers to me.

"I'm sorry," I say covering my face in embarrassment. I can hear Riley chuckle then feel a poke on my hands. I put my hands down and Riley softly pokes my cheek with the eraser of her pencil. "Hey, that's not hygienic."

"Says the person who tried to touch my face after touching a tortoise," she retorts.

"That was one time and in the heat of the moment," I remark.

"Ladies, can you please stop talking, I'm trying to begin class," interrupts the teacher. Riley and I say sorry and pretend to pay attention. However, we glance at each other and smile all throughout class.

After the class ends we pack up slower than others so that I can hold her hand on the way out. It's such a simple thing, but it means the world to me. The second we make it to the door we let go of each other and I feel hollow without her touch. Riley turns to me and she starts to pout.

"Time to go to our other classes," I comment sadly. There's a small silence that overwhelms us for a few seconds before Riley speaks up.

"It's okay. We'll see each other at lunch. In the library?" She asks.

"Of course, see you then," I reply. Instead of walking away I linger next to her for a few more seconds and she starts to crack a smile.

"Go to class, Quinn," she says pushing me in the direction I need to go.

"I don't want to leave you," I murmur.

She sighs, but continues pushing me. "Stop being so sappy, you'll make me want to ditch class to be with you."

My face lights up and I turn to Riley with excitement. "No! I wasn't being serious. We can't miss class. We would get in trouble," she explains. I start to pout and she rolls her eyes at me. However, I know she can't stay annoyed at me and within a few seconds she chuckles and boos my nose to make me smile.

Her tactics work and I smile. "Okay, okay. I'll go to class." Before walking away I make sure to brush my hand against hers and she shivers. I smirk at her and she playfully pushes me away. We say goodbye and part ways to go to class finally.