Break Up | Bang Chan FF| |🌙 | |✔️ | 18+

12- I'm sorry

Third person’s POV:

Bang Chan was weeping in that corridor, lifeless as a wave of melancholy surpassed his insides, condemning every action he initiated that night since it was all a sin.

He couldn’t bring himself to terms with the fact that he was drunk and committed a crime while forgetting about the consequences it might pose against him, his head hurting due to the significant nausea the drink caused.

His cries were short but muffled as tears cascaded down his ivory cheeks, his nose attaining a red color and his throat almost drying out while inducing scratches on its surface, he couldn’t bear the pain when a wave of lethargy engulfed his conscience.

Seohyun ran away from the appalling cruelties of the world, extremely hurt by the heinous act portrayed by her once admirer when she abruptly bumped into Younghoon who had a look of apprehension smearing his entire face as he raised his eyebrows and bulged his eyes wide.

“Where were you, I was so worried about you?” he shook her by her arms while she hid behind her unintentional brown weaves which restrained from staying back any moment.

Seohyun tried maintaining her composure while sluggishly covering her face with one hand, careful that Younghoon doesn’t notice her unpleasant state which was not as appeasing to herself even because then he’d start worrying all of a sudden.

She sniffed while avoiding his gaze, sucking back the tears in place refraining from the memory of what happened a few minutes ago or else she’d end up becoming a sobbing mess beyond repair.

“I’m fine. I-I just fell down,” she stammered on her words almost choking on her own saliva as she continued nodding sideways in mysterious conundrum when Younghoon tilted his head to see the girl closely with his eyebrows knitted.

“Oh god, are you alright?” he scanned her body with a hand resting on her petite shoulder and lips gapped in downright confusion why she was so upset.

She gulped and shut her eyes for a split second until uttering, “Actually I didn’t eat anything so t-that’s why…” she tried to sound so normal that it ached her heart for only knowing what she was going through, her mind demanding a break and there she was helplessly lying to her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin was passing across the hallway looking for Bang Chan since PD nim was looking for him and in the midst of his scanning process; the corner of his eye caught a guy sitting on the floor while leaning against the wall.

“Bang Chan hyung?” Hyunjin’s eyes widened at the sight of Bang Chan sitting on the ground, his face showing streaks of tears and looking pale suddenly.

He shuffled his tracks towards Bang Chan and landed next to him looking abstrusely worried as he touched his shoulder while lightly jerking it to elicit a response but earning faint sobs until his head hung loose, his body limp.

“Oh shit” Hyunjin rose from his place and darted to the hall to call Changbin and inform him about Bang Chan’s state which was solemnly hurt as he had fainted.

He could see the pain in his body language as he looked like a wilted flower, begging for water, the only reason for its survival. Changbin quickly scurried his way towards where Bang Chan lay in the corridor and gasped to himself until finding Hyunjin’s gaze beside him, nodding while pursing his lips.

The duo secretly carried Bang Chan away from the party and to the hospital, telling Seungmin to inform the others that Bang Chan had some work to do hence he had to leave early.

Hyunjin loaded his leader into the car and then Changbin followed, slumping into the driver’s seat ready to exit the venue.

“What the fuck happened to him?” Changbin asked gesturing Hyunjin while connecting gazes through the mirror, sweat trickling down his chin with uneasiness.

“I don’t know. I was just gonna go call him but found him in that horrible state, mourning over something,” Hyunjin stuttered while his brows knitted with confusion as he held Bang Chan while encasing his shoulders with his arms to avoid turbulence.

“Hmm…” Changbin flared his nostrils while his sight was glued on the road ahead, waiting for the hospital to arrive as their next stop waited.

~

Bang Chan lay in the stretcher as his eyes slowly fluttered open when they got filled with all that was white. He gradually perceived that he was in a hospital until a sharp pain struck his head causing him to grab his head as a stimulus, the intensity increasing with each passing second.

‘Bang Chan stop. You’re hurting me.”

His ear drums vibrated with a shrill sound as he shut his eyes tightly as they creased and he made room for memories when they soon hit him. He recalled the whole scene that took place at the party and skipped a beat when he realized that he turned into a monster he wasn’t.

He knew he was drunk and made a massive mistake that threatened him to believe that it was irreparable but no, he didn’t want to believe that. He wanted to demand forgiveness as he protested against himself and without sparing another second; he snatched off the surgical tapes of IV fluids from his hand and thrashed out of the recovery room.

Thoughts of Seohyun’s painful scarlet eyes kept bombarding his head but he whiffed them off as he headed towards the exit where Hyunjin was advancing towards him, his hands carrying a bag of medicines.

“Woah woah woah… Where are you going?” he interrogated the scurrying boy who groggily walked ahead but stopped in his tracks immediately, looking urgent.

“Just go back to the dorm, and tell everyone that I’m fine” Bang Chan hopefully connected gazes with Hyunjin, feeling his dark irises stuck on him in a don’t-go-anywhere way and nodded only slightly with a yearning look, as if he needed help.

Bang Chan had to go to Seohyun. He had to apologize to her for his heinous behavior and had to clear it out that nothing he said or did was meant by him, it truly wasn’t. Sparing a last glance at Hyunjin’s expectant eyes and astounded expressions, he strode past him and through the glass door into the dark winds of Seoul.

He hastily plopped into the seat while flinching when the headache struck him but ignored the intense pain, for now he had other plans that were more important. He drove across the streets as the upper side of his hand slowly bled since he harshly pulled off the drip in a hurry not realizing the pain until he eventually saw it.

Bang Chan finally reached the street which harbored Seohyun’s house and clumsily just parked his car in place across the graveled roadside.

He exhaled a deep and long breath until unfastening the seat belts and clicking the door to his car open. To prevent the wastage of any more time, he quickly shuffled towards where her house’s door stood and gulped with forced wide eyes, his confidence almost shattering before he reluctantly knocked.

Seohyun was inside, hugging her knees as she cried effortlessly allowing the stream of tears to exit out of her eyes. She couldn’t force herself to forget what happened and it ached her heart so much that she wished she’d suddenly get amnesia to forget instead. She hadn’t slept all night, the nightmares kept encountering her in sleep and hence she was deprived of rest.

The surface around her eyes seemed to have deepened and darkened due to the weeping, she felt dehydrated as the pain struck her head like a shock wave and there was no one present to ameliorate her situation.

*Knocks*

Seohyun sniffed once and her ears rose due to the significant series of knocks on the door. She knew it wasn’t Younghoon because she just insisted him not to come because she needed some space a while ago, so she wasn’t sure who it was right now therefore she weakly carried herself towards the threshold.

While standing next to the door, she became static while gazing at the wooden barrier in front of her, her mind boggling with excuses if it were Younghoon. She slowly peeked into the tiny hole present on the door above and sighed when she saw the uninvited person, her feelings loathsome.

She was terrified.

“Go away if you think I’m ever gonna open up,” she spoke through cries trying to crow him away so that the mere thought of last night brushes away from her conscience as she’d fight with herself continuously.

Seohyun was traumatized after Bang Chan harshly pushed her against the wall, kissing her lips yet hurting her in a way that no one ever did. This experience was enough for her to avoid him for a life time as she couldn’t pull herself out of that mentally perturbed state any sooner.

“Seohyun I’m sorry, just give me a chance to explain-” he muttered from the other side of the door wishing that she cuts him off some slack before she rejected him once again.

She just helplessly leaned against the door, muffled cries becoming the source of her voice when she clutched a pair of hands on her mouth, not allowing the pain from speaking evidently or else she’d look weak.

Bang Chan, on the other hand didn’t want to exit the scene. He didn’t want Seohyun to live with this pathetic memory for one more night, he wanted to clear up his image in front of her. Obviously he still loved her. Even though he knew that Seohyun hurt him just like this, maybe a little less but still he felt extremely guilty for the hatred he nested in her heart regarding himself.

He believed this fact that no matter how much she hurt him, it wasn’t something that could be reciprocated. In fact, he never even dreamt of doing something like that to her. He was all fine when she offended him, but hurting her meant like an integral part in his body shedding away.

It was unacceptable.

Seohyun slowly closed her eyes and then flunk them open with a straight face this time as she walked back to her room, leaving behind the boy unaided.

Bang Chan put an ear close to the door and heard her moving away even after several failed tries of convincing her, he still felt the urge to accomplish what he came for.

“Hear me out Seohyun. Please. I-I beg you to listen to me only once. I’m sorry-” he called out for her while leaning against the wooden wall between them, his insides hurting due to the mere guilt that made him regret a lot of things.

He didn’t elicit a single response but persisted for three hours in that state, hoping the door would creak open but that hope being a part of a fantasy instead. He tried and tried till his knees went numb and his throat went dry, that was when he realized that he should stop for now.

Deflated, he strolled himself to the dorm with an eccentric aura clouding his withered self, his mind playing all the possibilities of attaining forgiveness from someone who deserved an apology.

When he reached the place, he flailed himself towards his room where a TV lounge was expected already in route but noticed a huge crowd, looking as if they were expecting him.

The looks on each face were stern and impatient as they noticed Bang Chan walk pass them and into his room without stealing a glance at any one of the members.

When Han was about to advance towards Bang Chan with tapered eyes, he was stopped by Minho’s hand as he turned to him, shaking his head for a ‘no’.

“Let him recover from this himself. He needs space.” Minho told Han who was still worried as his lips shaped into a pout and sighed while looking downwards.

Minho averted his gaze towards Hyunjin who had his arms folded and then asked him next, grabbing his attention.

“What exactly happened again?”

“He was leaning against the wall and crying at first but then I came towards him and bent down to see that he had fainted already. Changbin hyung and I took him to the hospital but he left even before getting discharged,” Hyunjin frowned sadly while narrating the incident.

“Now what happened to him?” Changbin stood perplexed as a wave of torment hit him and he clenched his jaws together.

~
At night Changbin woke up to quench his thirst, carrying himself groggily out of bed when it was still dark outside. He switched on the lights to the kitchen until the thought of Bang Chan swept across the back of his vision, inhibiting his stride.

He shook his head towards the right and then tip toed along the corridor to reach the rear of Bang Chan’s room until he was interrupted by some whimpering voices, squeaks and weak words that sounded as if he was begging.

“I’m sorry-” Bang Chan cried with closed eyes since he was still asleep and a nightmare was rudely overtaking his conscience, haunting him in his dreams even.

Changbin worked his way into the room when he saw how pain struck his hyung was looking, he furrowed his eyebrows at the agonizing sight previewing in front of him as Bang Chan tightly hugged the pillow while tears spewed out of his eyes across his nose, soaking the pillow underneath his head.

He couldn’t resist himself as a frown crept on his face and jumped next to his bed, shaking him to wake up since he couldn’t bear it anymore.

“It’s okay hyung. It was just a nightmare,” he tried waking the boy up as his eyes flung open, looking as crimson as blood when he noticed Changbin seated next to him.

That’s when his relaxed features scrunched again and he broke into tears of sorrow that left him beyond repair since he was too depressed right now.

“That’s the thing- I wished it was all a nightmare,” he cried again as his voice cracked and he expressed a portion of his melancholy through tears.

“What happened…?” Changbin asked, his facial features converging as he squinted finally working out what the matter was.

Bang Chan was so desperate for help that he let it all out and presented all his worries in that short span of time, trusting Changbin with his life knowing how genuine he was and that he’d surely draw out working conclusions for the mess he made.

“Chan hyung…” he gasped as his face was struck with horror he hoped was not that evident through his emotions.

“No Changbin. I wasn’t in my senses, I was drunk and she was there to help me but I-” Bang Chan soon broke down again, wallowing his miseries that were so life threatening that he demanded some mental help to recover from the trauma he gave her.

Changbin sighed and pulled Bang Chan into a warm embrace, stroking his back gently as he quietly wept on his shoulders. He kept calming him down by speaking words of allay rather than blaming him for what he did though he knew it was not ethical at all but humans are not designed to be flawless.

“It’s okay hyung. Just give her some time to recollect herself and then talk to her, I’m sure things are gonna be much better that way” he muttered practically while easing the crying boy when he felt deteriorated.

“Nothing will get fixed,” Bang Chan murmured hopelessly as a defeated sigh escaped his lips and he pulled back from the hug.

“Trust me. Apologize to her after a week. That way she’ll get time to recover as well and she’d think better that way,”

Changbin hoped that things would find a way to mend together like they used to and offered to take the burden from Bang Chan since he entrusted him with one this time.

Bang Chan reluctantly so but nodded until Changbin spuriously smiled at him and stood up to bring a medicine to ease his headache as he accepted it lifelessly.

~
One whole week had passed with Bang Chan dealing with the depressing reality of committing a crime that was still lingering onto his mind, its cold hand dragging his ankle down into the ground until completed pulling his head underneath.

Only he knew how difficult these 168 hours were for him as he desperately waited for the last one to surpass so that he could forgive himself as well. The reality was a disaster but as well as that his sleep didn’t form a barrier or escape against the harsh reality.

He’d dream of Seohyun’s caravan like face that was always crying for help in his mind, as if she was still troubled and rightly so she must be badly hurt after what he did to her.

Exhaling a sigh, he exited his dorm on a bright Monday and drove to the building of Seohyun’s office.

He hesitantly just stood there in front of the building, stagnant as the ambulances wailed their sirens behind him along with car horns that inhibited his hearing as he stole a glance at the road. When he slowly decided on entering the building, he stopped just when a girl swung the door open and looked at him, her exhausted expression suddenly acquiring fury.

She began advancing on her own track while ignoring Bang Chan, rolling her eyes away with gritted teeth as he got alarmed and initiated on stopping her just this once.

“Please don’t walk out on me. Hear me out…” his voice was solemn with emotions as the girl just closed her eyes and gnashed her teeth together expressing her anger.

“There is nothing to talk about. Do you still want to complete the unfinished business?” she scornfully mocked the broken boy who refused to stop even after he was insisted to.

“You’ve got me wrong Seohyun. I’m not the way you think I am, really-” Bang Chan launched in to explanation yet again.

“Yes! I never really knew how you were Bang Chan. You’re a monster!” she bellowed her voice which was so loud that it was significant even due to the vehicular noise polluting that environment.

“I’m sorry please just listen…” Bang Chan was literally begging her to listen to her as his lips trembled when he pleaded her for mercy and she began walking on her designated path waiting to call out a cab.

Bang Chan didn’t give up as yet, he couldn’t let her go this time or else he’d be damned for the rest of his life and that was something unacceptable. He treaded towards her and reached closer to her.

“Even you know that I won’t leave unless you let me say something” his voice was hoarse as he was panting heavily when Seohyun’s orbs widened drastically.

“I don’t wanna listen,” she nagged while moving ahead, avoiding any sort of eye contact.

“Sorry-” he ran towards her and attached his hand onto her arm, as she disgustingly looked at where he held and then at him, roughly jerking away, the impact being more than expected since Bang Chan was already running.

Seohyun’s sudden jerk away caused him to twist onto the road when she lost the ability to think. Bang Chan’s orbs widened when he saw a car approaching him at high speed, his mind paving ways to get out, he reversed and twirled his body to get out of the way but unluckily his vision hadn’t registered the giant truck advancing from the back which was something he didn’t get the time to give a reaction to.

He got hit as his whole body thrashed away as a crashing sound was heard by the inhabitants when Bang Chan’s lifeless body fell violently onto the roadside as Seohyun clasped a hand onto her face, her eyes brimming with tears of horror.

“Bang Chan!” she screamed while bending at him as tears became part of her orbs.

She threw her bag and laptop away and began running in her heels, knocking the graveled pathway below, tumbling on her own stride, she felt like her world had broken away. Her knees refused to allow her to move any further but she yelped while carrying herself to where Bang Chan lay in a pool of blood, his back facing.

She weakly dropped beside him on her knees and turned him around by the aid of her hands, gasping at his wounded face that was encroached by blood perpetually.

“Bang Chan Oh my god! Hang in there” she shrieked while trembling with fear while viewing the wounded corpse in front of her, her insides breaking.

“Seohyun, I’m so happy that my last moment was spent with you…” he half smirked until coughing out blood when Seohyun cried and nodded her head in denial, not wanting him to let go.

“No, no, no!” she screamed as her throat hurt as she couldn’t imagine him saying a wrecked farewell speech which was as wrecked as she was already.

“But- I’m sad that the last memory I gave you wasn’t that pleasant, so please forgive me. Forgive me for the love we once shared,” Bang Chan smiled at her while staring into her orbs so strongly, his eyes were twinkling with sentiments even in his last.

Seohyun gasped desperately as her lungs demanded more air, her features converging and scarlet with exaltation when she stared at Bang Chan’s glimmering eyes that were glued onto her until they suddenly attained a dark hue, his smile still intact.

“NO!” she yelled at the top of her lungs when there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, she lost the ability to cry as her tear ducts experienced a drought that would take forever to revive.

She cried as much as she could while digging her face into his chest and screaming till her vocal chords allowed, she had lost everything as soon as the desperate soul departed from this world right in her embrace.