FLIGHT AND FLY | l.mh + h.js

38. jisung

i hear the heart monitor beeping like crazy and a surge of hope rushes through my body.

just moments before i was pleading and praying for minho to wake up and i can't help but get my hopes up.

my head snaps up only to see minho's eyes fixated on—

...oh.

i forgot why a tiny part was hoping minho would stay unconscious a little longer.

he wasn't looking at me. he stared intensely at his legs unblinkingly. i suck in a quiet breath and close my eyes.

i don't want to see the life bleeding out of him just as he wakes up. the heart monitor increases in beeps, breaking my heart and i'm thinking of what to say when i hear his voice after 2 weeks.

"...jisung? what happened to me?" i hear his voice and a single sob.

stupid, stupid, stupid.

you've hurt the boy you love. you've done nothing but stay still as he took the blow for you. look what you've done to him.

look at yourself in the mirror and convince yourself you're not a useless piece of shit. everywhere you go you bring bad luck and looming danger.

you're not worth it. you don't deserve him.

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry."

this is what it has come to.

i always have something to apologise for.

this is me. i'm an omen of bad things.

i wrecked havoc everywhere i go, unintentionally or not.