[Baby X Ballora One-Shots]

Apathy

a continuation of the other angst chapter

also, the song above helps the mood of the story

—

"What's been going through your mind lately?"

Lauren and I are on a call.  She asked to call me.  It's well passed ten o'clock at night.

"Nothing."

It's true.  My mind has been mainly blank.  There's too much to think about to focus on all of them at the same time.  I haven't forgotten, nor have I remembered.

"You know you can talk to me, right Cordelia."

We've been over that so many times, I've become desensitized to the phrase.  It doesn't mean anything to me anymore.  Just words, part of the mindless chatter I find myself locked up in.

"I know Lauren, but I'm serious.  Nothing is really taking my mind into a whirlwind as of late."

That's a lie.  There's the pending decision if I must redo grade nine, if I must attend summer school, or I could spend that time at a community summer job.  I'm a week away from being fifteen, it's spring break.  I've done the job last year.  I'm starting to think becoming a teacher like my brother isn't exactly the job for me. 

"What are your electives for next year then?"

That's right. I haven't told her. I haven't told any of my friends that I'm transferring to a different school next year. I could tell Freddy, he's trusted me with a lot, mainly the stress that our English teacher had been putting on all of us freshman.

"I believe it's French and Theatre."

"Oh? Then we might have French together next year."

"Don't you already know French? Aren't you French?"

"Yes, but I need my two language credits in order to graduate.  Plus it'll be easy because I am indeed French."

I barely know my own ethnicity.  Aside from being some part of European, my father has an accent which I developed at and early age.  It gets heavier when I'm upset or angry.  It mostly come out when I rant out of rage.

"You lucky duck."

That didn't sound remotely happy.  Nor sarcastic. I'm not even smiling. I sometimes force one but it's too subtle to notice.

"I know right? I'm such a genius."

"Okay, I can just feel the smugness radiating from your voice."

"You caught me."

I let out a laugh.  It's neither real nor fake.

I'm really starting to feel the need to talk to Freddy. Maybe I'll text him or leave a voicemail. And it's not that I don't trust Lauren, I just don't feel comfortable with her knowing what's been going through my mind lately. I feel like I'd be letting her down.

"I thirst for the sustenance that is the equivalent to the chemical formula H2O." I heard Lauren hold back a snort.

"You really are a dork. I have to get to bed now anyway, I can hear my dad pacing outside of my doorway, waiting for me to be quiet."