His Challenge (the match #1)

chapter thirty-six.

LUNA.
Xavi and I had our first argument yesterday, it felt uneasy, and I am still a little sad about it, considering I didn't mean what I said. He isn't with someone else, I know he isn't and I had no right to walk away from him like that, but my attitude got the best of me. We should have talked about it, but walking away seems comes naturally with me, since I used to walk or run away every time I was in an argument with someone. I used to talk about my issues, as a kid, but when I grew up and started dating Andrew this all fell apart. Andrew never wanted to talk about our issues, I am just used to not talking about the things I am thinking. Staying silent seems so much easier. I think talking about an issue is necessary, but as I said before, I am not used to talking about issues anymore, but I will talk about them. To be precisely, we are talking about it today, Xavi and I. I will talk with Xavi about the argument, because it didn't feel right. I feel sorry for saying the things I said, I trust Xavi, I do. Trusting is the key for a good relationship, and I do trust him. I don't think I have trusted anyone as much as I trust Xavi. It was Xavi and I against the world.

I haven't seen Xavi, which means I am still searching for him around school. In the meanwhile I even texted Brodie asking him, if he was here, and he told me he was in his class right now, which made me text him saying he should come out for a second, or I would walk in and make a scene.

"Luna, explain why I had to leave my class." He says with a confused look on his face, he knows what this is about, but I need to explain it anyway.

"I want to explain, and tell you I am sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't have said those bad things, you are not like that at all and I know it. I know you wouldn't fuck around, I believe you. Please forgive me." I tell him, and I feel guilty, I made him feel bad about himself. Why am I like this? Why do I hurt people?

"Hey, baby don't cry. Baby, I am not mad at you, you were angry and I made you angry, just do not ever leave me like that again, I think I might not survive." He tells me, and I stroke his cheek. My head pressed against his chest.

"I am sorry for leaving you like that." I tell him, and he lifts my chin and gives me a soft kiss on my nose.

"Baby, I have to get back to my class, but we will be meeting my dad Saturday, which means tomorrow, alright? Don't feel sad, you look more beautiful without the tears baby." I nod my head, and I offer him a small smile, I know he is afraid for the meeting between me and his dad, but I will not disappoint him.

I exit the building, and I sit against a tree, looking up. No stress, no hate, just the clouds and a beautiful blue sky. The sky isn't bright today, it is a dark day. It was a rainy day, but I don't mind the rain. The rain is relaxing, and it gives me a good view on life, because life isn't always sunshine. Life has rainy days as well. I grab my laptop and I start typing away, just writing down my feelings, the things I should be telling a therapist, but I am afraid to tell her. The tree is covering me from the rain, and I love the smell of rain.

Writing something down shouldn't be this hard, but it is for me. It never has been easy to write or share, I have changed. I changed after I lost him, my dad. I miss my dad every single day, he was not only my father, he my best friend, and he was the reason I kept going. He was the reason I never gave up, after I lost him I lost myself completely. I lost Luna Davis. I never knew if I could find her ever again, but I did, I found myself after all those years. I found Luna Davis, I found myself because I found him, Xavi Parker.

'Dad, you would have loved him, I love him. He is a soccer player and he is talented. He never gives up, which makes us different, because I did try to give up, many times, but you know what kept me going? You, grandma and Dean. I can finally add a few new people to that list, Brodie, Cason, Blake, Grace and Xavi. Safe is how I feel around them, even when I haven't known them for too long. They make me feel loved, maybe not the way you could, but they make me feel loved the way I should love myself. I miss you dad, but I hope you are proud of everything I have become. I might not have been the best child, the best girlfriend or the best friend for many, but you saw the best in me. You made me be the best I could be. Thank you for everything dad, I will be writing you more from now on, I know you will not see this in heaven, but you will keep me safe, you have always kept me safe. I know Xavi might be the one, I feel safe around him, the way I felt around you, he makes me feel loved the way you could, he makes me feel important, the way you made me feel. I have to learn how to love myself, because as a smart person ones told me 'There is no way you can love yourself, accept yourself or treat yourself the right way, if you can't give yourself those things.'