The Losers Club

"I'll Make Up To You" Is All I Should've Said

Ryan had woken Brendon early on Monday morning, they ate breakfast together and then they headed to school, Ryan had never felt so domestic in his life. A part of him missing the crazy life he lived. Drugs, random sex, parties. But a piece of him new that this was important to him, staying in, studying, being with Brendon. It never kept him from longing though, which was something he did often. More often then he wished, like last Saturday night, he wished he could have gone to Hoppus's party, but instead he was at home with Brendon. 

Sunday night, Mikey told him that he got a fresh batch of coke from Awsten for a cheap deal and he would have given up anything to go, but he promised Brendon he'd stop. He craved the high more and more as the time went on. He was thinking during lunch him and Mikey could meet up in the bathroom and- "Ry? Were you listening to me?" Brendon asked. 

Brendon noticed Ryan spacing off more and more. He didn't know what it was but deep down he saw Ryan as a bird. If Brendon was a women who had been knocked up with Ryan's child, Ryan would have run off by then. Brendon was too smart to pretend Ryan was happy with him, staying home, making dinner, watching movies. Ryan was bored, he missed his old life, and it hadn't even been that long since Ryan come out. Ryan was nothing but a boy still..

"Yes, I'm sorry." Ryan turned to him and smiled. "I love you.." Brendon told him, and ran his fingers through Ryan's wild hair. It was true, he did, more then he had ever loved anyone in the world. But he knew they would never work, they wanted very different things. They couldn't have that together. 

"I love you too.." Ryan whispered and flashed him a weak smile. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Brendon again, but he was split between wanting to be free and wanting to please Brendon and it was eating him up inside. 

"Can we talk? After school?" Brendon asked him. "Yeah babe, of course." Ryan smiled and leaned over to kiss him. Brendon leaned in as well, kissing him deeply, like it would be their last. It will be. 

They got out, hand in hand, Brendon tracing his fingers, taking him in, just trying to memories his touch before he was forced to throw it way. 

🎭

Pete ached, from the top of him to the very bottom, he looked awful, worse then Friday. And then there was Patrick, he looked happy, perfect, he was holding hands with that Rivers kid. The one who started a band that probably won't go anywhere. He was a loser. He was nothing compared to Pete but that was the point. He wasn't Pete. 

Rivers was a hippie, basically. The only cool thing that has ever happened to him was going to Asia and being a monk for a year, and it's the only thing the guy talked about. It was bullshit Patrick was clearly buying. And what happened to Patrick loving him back? Did he love him back? Did he even say that? Pete knew he did. 

Ryan and Brendon were acting weird too, at lunch they didn't sit together, and instead Ryan was sitting with Mikey, and they both looked high, Awsten and Nicole where across from them talking. Nicole looked as gorgeous as ever, and Pete would have gone to her if he loved her, but he didn't nor did he ever want to love her ever again. 

No, instead he sat at his won table, playing with his food, he wasn't hungry. "H-Hey! I'm Frank, I saw you were sitting alone. You okay?" A nervous short boy with greasy black hair sat next to him. "I'm okay..Thanks. I'm Pete." He told him honestly. "Yeah, I know, you pushed me into a trash can once. It was cool! Well..no, but if it weren't for you I wouldn't have met my best friend Melanie, so.. Thanks." Pete went red. "I'm sorry I did that."

"Don't even worry about it, hey, you mind if we sit here?" Melanie sat next to Frank. Melanie was rumored to be the school whore, because she had let Pete borrow her pencil once and Nicole got jealous. Frank was outed as a virgin and for some reason the whole school thought it was funny. "Yeah, go ahead." Pete told them. "Hey Mel, you okay with Pete sitting with us?" Frank asked. She shrugged. "Yeah, feel free." She flashed him a smile. 

"Hey so Dal said he wanted me and Hayley to meet them at the movies at eight so we don't miss the ads." Frank nodded. Pete was trying not to be nosy but he couldn't help it. "What movie are you guys gonna watch?" He asked. "We were gonna watch, um, Dead End Kids Club. It's about these killer teenagers that only come out on Halloween. It's gonna be so good. Do you wanna come?" Pete smiled weakly. "I-I would love to, I can pay for snacks if you'd like." Melanie smiled. "Okay!" 

Just as Rivers and Patrick walked by Pete's heart sank, his smile faltering back into sulking sadness. "What's wrong?" Melanie asked. Pete shrugged, he didn't usually talk about his feeling usually talk about his feelings with his friends. "I-I loved him.." Pete managed. Frank looked back at the pair. "Rivers? Gee me too, he's so pretty." Frank said with so much thirst. Pete chuckled, "No, Patrick." He told them. In unison they both let out 'OOOOH'. Melanie frowned and reached out for his hand, rubbing it affectionately. "It'll be okay..you'll move on." She told him.

He sighed, "I don't think I can, he's the one, he's all I think about since I met him." He slammed his head onto the table. "Maybe you should try and talk to him again." Frank suggested. "I think he hates me- no, I know he hates me, more then anything, that's why he's with Rivers." Pete told them. "I would be with Rivers too, he's so smart and wise, and sexy-" Melanie elbowed her best friend. "Not now Frank, you can thirst over him later. Look, Frank's right, if you want to make things right...talk to him." Pete nodded as he watched them. 

Rivers had his arm wrapped around his boy, watching them made him feel sick. That guy could never appreciate Patrick the way he could, he didn't know true beauty. Pete bit his lip. "I can do that, I just..I need time to find the right words, last time we talked I didn't know what to tell him, he called me out on all my lies and I choked up." Melanie smiled. "Then we'll help." Just as Pete averted his eyes back to Rivers and Patrick, he caught Patrick watching him and turning away a fraction of a second later.