The Losers Club

Wanna Be Free, Wanna Be Loved

After Pete dropped Ryan off at Brendon's. He felt nervous, he felt under prepared to see him, and not only that, he looked like shit. He cleared his throat and knocked on the door as he tried his best to straighten himself out. Brendon opened the door, he looked unsuprised to see him. "Hey Ryan." He said in a flat voice. 

"Can we talk?" Ryan asked. "You can say it here." Brendon said. Ryan cleared his throat, "Well, alright. I think you made a mistake dumping me, because I really love you, and I-" Ryan was finding it difficult to speak when Brendon was just staring at him blankly. "Why are you doing this to me Brendon?" Ryan whined out.

Brendon's emotion kicked in, seeing Ryan all of a sudden break down in front of him, it wasn't fair, why did he think he has the right to make him feel guilty. "I was just trying to do you a favor, Ryan. I know you missed Mikey and Awsten. You missed the drugs, and the parties. I was doing it for you." Brendon told him. 

"I don't want that, I want you!" Ryan fell to his knees, sobbing. "Why? Why me when you can have Awsten, or literally anyone? Why me when I know you cheated on me with him?" Brendon told him. Ryan shook his head, "I didn't cheat, I never cheated. Fuck, is this about that shitty text from Awsten, asking to hook up? I didn't go babe, I love you." Ryan stared up at him with pleading eyes. 

Brendon rested his head on the corner of the door as he looked down at Ryan. "Why does this matter? You're just gonna get bored of me again, you're gonna miss your scene and then we'll be back here, doing this again." Brendon said desperately. Running out of excuses to not take Ryan back. 

"I'm ready now Brendon, I'll give it up." Ryan answered quickly. "How do I know you aren't lying to me? The day I broke up with you, before I even broke up with you. You were already high!" Brendon said. Ryan dug into his pockets and out his tab of acid, his four grams of coke, and a couples buds of weed and handed them to Brendon. "I've had those since Monday. I've been mostly drunk, but I can give that up too." Ryan pleaded. 

Brendon motioned for Ryan to follow him inside. Ryan got up off his knees and followed him, the whole house was bare, either in boxes or no longer there, like the couch and T.V. 

Brendon and him walked into the bathroom, where Brendon dumped the weed, the coke and the acid into the toilet. Ryan watched the substances floating on top of the water. "You aren't to dump drugs into the toilet, so let's hope we never have to do this again.." Brendon mumbled and flushed it. They both watched them swirl down. Ryan felt as if weights had been lifted off his shoulders, like he was free. 

Brendon walked passed him into his bedroom where Ryan followed after. "So.." Ryan said. "Are we...?" Brendon shook his head. "No Ryan Ross, This doesn't change anything." Ryan's face fell, "But-But." Brendon paused him. Handing him his records. "Can you toss these in the trash for me?" He looked down at them. "All of them? Even your Marvin Gaye?" Ryan looked up at him. Brendon nodded. "Yeah..I don't need it anymore." 

Ryan grew worried. "What the hell are you talking about?" He persisted. "I'm moving to Maine, with my sister, I'm gonna start over, start fresh." Brendon told him. Ryan knew then that Brendon didn't break up with him to set him free, he broke up with him because he planned on leaving. "You fucking lair!" Ryan yelled. Brendon knew what he was thinking already, so he looked down. 

"You said you loved me but you planned on leaving me the whole damn time!" Ryan yelled at him. "I'm sorry.." Brendon told him. "You were seriously were just going to leave and not even say bye to me or Patrick? Really?!" Ryan felt betrayed. "No! Fuck! I'm not the fucking bad guy okay! I just needed to get the fuck out of here! Everywhere I go, I'm reminded I don't fucking belong.." Brendon began to cry. He didn't mean to lie, he just couldn't take it there anymore. 

Ryan shook his head, "I'm going with you." Ryan said. Brendon scuffed and shook his head. "No, absolutely fucking not." Brendon told him. "No, you aren't talking me out of it, I'm going whether you want me to. Because you aren't allowed to just fucking walk out on me! I'm so terribly in love with you. If you leave me here, I'll die. So I'm going, period." 

Brendon looked at him like he was crazy, but damn he loved Ryan so much. Ryan smiled down at him, pulling him into a kiss, Brendon kissed back deeply and lovingly. Brendon reached up to tangle his fingers into Ryan's nest of hair, pulling softly. Ryan let out a hungry moan, "Fuck, I love you so much." He confessed again, and again. "You're crazy Ryan." Brendon chuckled. 

"Yeah, stupid crazy for you." He said, it was so cheesy but Brendon didn't even care. "So when do we leave? How much money do we need?" Ryan told him, grabbing his waist and squeezing it tightly, it was his way of telling himself never to let Brendon go, or let Brendon get away from him again. "Um, tomorrow? After school? Bring as much money as you have, I planned on taking the bus but your car will do too" Ryan nodded. "I'll be ready." He told him, burying his face into Brendon's neck.

Sorry this one is short, I just needed to get to the last page