The Lightwalker in Maple Hills (Boyxboy)

Chapter 35

The cold air bites at my nose and ears as I sit under the picnic shelter on Cliff Side overlooking Maple Hills. The same picnic table that Kobie and I climbed and looked at the stars. The same on that he kissed me on, and the same one he told me he liked me on. I watch as cars drive up and down streets and lights turn different colors. I see lights from the over cliffs and the sounds of screams and shouts from teenagers having fun. I think back to that night. That perfect night where nothing existed except the stars, Kobie and I. The thought of having a night like that again makes me smile but the possibility of that happening is unlikely. I am prepared for Kobie to tell me that he doesn't like me anymore. I have been prepared since my mother and I got home. Since I asked her to use the car to drive here and talk to Kobie. I accepted it the moment I parked the car and walked under the picnic shelter.

It doesn't take long before bright white lights shine over me and the sound of an engine turning off, followed by gravel shifting under a pair of shoes. A pair of converse.

"Hey," Kobie says from behind me before he walks up and sits down next to me. "How long have you been here?"

"Not that long," I say as I turn to face him. He sits next to me in a pair of ripped blue jeans with his wrestling hoodie and a black hat. His hood is pulled up over his hat, hiding any brand that it could have come from.

"Evans... I..."

"No, Kobie. Listen to me. I need to know what is going to happen. I need to know where this is going to go."

"Evans. I don't know."

"Well you need to figure it out!" I say suddenly as I turn to face him. "You can't keep doing this. I can't keep doing this. I like you Kobie. I really do, but you can't keep leading me on like this. You can't just drop me when people see us. And honestly I don't even know if there is an us."

Kobie looks down at his hands as he fiddles with his thumbs. "Joshua. Please."

"Please what?"

"I'm..." he says as he looks up and at the city. "I'm just confused right now Joshua. I don't know what I want. I want you but I also what something else."

"Then why am I here? Why did you come?"

He turns and looks at me and his eyes are watery. A part of my anger slowly falls away and I take a deep breath as I look down at my hands.

"I like you Kobie. I like you a lot, and I catch myself thinking about you. I think about the night here, and I even think about what we did at your house. I like you Kobie and I like spending time with you. But I can't keep hiding myself. My friends know and so does my family. And honestly I am not ashamed. Kobie," I say turning to look at him. "I am not expecting you to do the same. But if you're not ready then I need to know. I am not going to hide myself anymore. And honestly fuck Julian, and TJ and Jimmy. I have one more year at Maple Hills Academy, and then I leave." I smile and Kobie flashes a small smile before it quickly fades away and he looks back down at his hands.

"I just don't want to disappoint anyone. I don't want to disappoint my parents and my family."

"Kobie, I am sure your parents will understand as long as you're happy." I say. "But if you're not ready then I understand."

Kobie continues to look at the floor and that is when I realize that Kobie doesn't not want me anymore. That he has moved on and I can't do anything about that. I sigh and stand up only to be stopped by Kobie grabbing my arm and pulling me back. I turn around just as he stands up and looks down at me. I see the bruise on his cheek as turned a shade of purple and that the hair peeking out from under his hat is messy.

"I don't know what but you're different Evans. You're different from everyone else, and I don't mean that because you're my soulmate. But you're different. I was a fucking dick to you and you were still there for me. Why?" He says holding my arms still.

"I don't know Kobie."

"That's bullshit and you know it. Why do you treat me differently?"

I look at him for a minute and all the emotions finally break through. Because I loved him. No, because I still love him. For some stupid and unknown reason I love Kobie after all the heartace he has put me throught. All the times he teases me and shoved me. All the times he has yelled at me and cussed me out, I still love him. I still care about him because I know who he is. Kobie is just a guy trying to figure his shit out.

"Because I care about you Kobie. These past few months I've gotten to see who you really are." He smiles and turns to look the other way. "You're not an asshole Kobie. You are just a guy trying to figure life out."

"But I have been so mean to you. I bullied you and shoved you around and hurt you Evans. Why would you want to be with a guy who hurts you?"

His question caught me by surprise, causing me to look at him with a blank expression for a few seconds trying to find the answer. Kobie was mean, and he did hurt me sometimes but I know he'll change. I know he will because he already has. He hasn't hurt my on purpose like he used to do when he hung out with TJ and Jimmy, but on accident. He has been more kind, more gentle, more understanding since out chest lite up.

The only problem has been his commitment. And the problem with that is he is the only onw who knows what he is, whether that is gay or bi-sexual, or just curious, and only he will know what he likes. Granted a part of me knows he likes me because why else would he be here. Why else would he make an effort to be with me right now, talking to me and holding me so that I won't leave. Why would he be asking me these types of questions if he didn't care.

"Because," I finally say. "I know you're a good person. I know that you care about me, and I know that you can change."

"And if I don't." He says looking down at the hand that holds my arm. His hand is warm and comforting. Reassuring of his decision that he wants me. "If I hurt you again. If I'm mean."

"I can't control what you do." I say.

He smiles and lets go of my arm, leaving an awkward warm spot before the cold air rips it away from me, and puts his hands in his hoodie pocket. He smiles before he lets out a breath.

"Joshua," He says as looks at me, "do you ever wonder what it would be like if we were happy? If everything was just nice and there was no sadness in our lives. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to always smile."

I smile a bit before I sit back down on the bench, causing Kobie to do the same a few seconds later. I look over the city of Maple Hills. The screaming and shouting at the next hill has stopped but the car is still there indicating that they are on a couples paradise. Now all we need is the serial killer. I think about the question and a part of me breaks inside. I am happy, or at least I think I am. My friends make me happy, and my mother makes me happy. Kobie makes me happy as well. But a part of me, a part deep down knows that I am not happy, and that I haven't been happy for a while.

"Yeah," I say turning to Kobie. He turn to me and smiles. Not a small smile or a short smile, but a genuine smile.

"I want to know what it's like to be happy."