The Boy on the Second Floor ✓

xxxix. Having Someone

xxxix. Having Someone

Since Benjamin and I started talking again, time had been going by incredibly quickly. It felt like he'd come to me only yesterday, even though it had already been over a month.

I was happy to have him back in my life, but ever since he came back, I'd noticed that something had changed. Benjamin seemed more tense than before, more wary. I hoped that he was alright, and that whatever it was that went through his head, wasn't too bad.

I went through the last of my paperwork for the day, and leaned back on my chair. I'd been staring at a screen for hours, not having had any calls to show off a house or apartment. I did have a few scheduled for the next day, but those weren't anything I would need to worry about.

"Oh Samuel," I heard the familiar sing-song voice of my dear friend call as he walked over to me. Pete ran a hand through his dark hair, and smiled as he leaned on the back of my chair.

I looked up at him. "What is it, Pete?" I asked. I tried to sound annoyed even though I wasn't. Pete shook my chair and I sent him a glare.

"Wanna go clubbing today?" He asked. It was Friday, and honestly the perfect day to go clubbing. I wanted to go, and I was just about to agree when my phone buzzed. It was a text from Benjamin.

"I need you." Was all it said, and it was all I needed to know that I wouldn't be going clubbing that night. Instead, I'd be spending the night with Benjamin. I had nothing against the idea, but I knew the night most likely wouldn't be a happy night of drinking and messing around.

Without responding to Benji's text, I looked back up at Pete, who was smirking. I knew he'd seen the message and most likely gotten the wrong idea. "I'm going to need to take a raincheck on that, if it's okay?" I said.

Pete's smirk became larger, and I saw an odd spark in his brown eyes. "Oh it's more than okay," He said. "As long as you give me some details on Monday."

I rolled my eyes and shut my computer down. I stood up from my seat and threw on my jacket, quickly texting Benjamin back with an "On my way" after doing so.

"Oh and don't forget to use protection," Pete said, turning around to head back to his desk so he could get his own things together and leave for the weekend.

"Yeah, yeah whatever," I rolled my eyes. "Have yourself a good weekend, man. See you on Monday." I walked to the elevator and got in, making my way down to the ground floor.

Once in my car, I reversed out of the parking spot and drove towards my apartment building where Benjamin would surely be waiting for me. Knowing what was happening in the apartment just above mine made the building feel less like home and more like a horror movie set.

I parked my car in the designated parking spot and got out, almost speed walking to the main doors. I used my key to unlock the door, and walked down to apartment #5 where a pair of familiar green eyes met mine.

Benjamin's eyes were glossed over with unshed tears, and I rushed to wrap an arm around his shoulders as I unlocked the front door of my apartment. I felt an arm snake its way around my waist.

I took Benjamin straight to my room. He collapsed onto my bed, and I felt my heart break once again when I saw the watergates open and tears stream down his face.

I sat next to to his laying body and took his good hand into mine, running my fingers along his bony knuckles. I noticed that they were slightly bruised. He was always at least a bit bruised.

"It just hurts so much, Samuel," He cried. I moved a lock of chocolate brown hair from his face and looked at his soft features that were contorted into an expression I wished I would never have to see again when everything was over.

"I know it does, Benjamin," I whispered, afraid that my voice would break if I spoke any louder. my hands grasped his hand tightly, trying to comfort him the best I could even though I knew it wasn't enough.

I closed my eyes, hearing Benjamin cry made my own emotions flare up. I tried my best to push them away, this moment wasn't one where I could allow myself to break down. Benjamin needed me, and I couldn't be there for him if I was crying as well.

I heard the sound of my sheets moving and felt Benjamin shake his hand out of mine. I opened my eyes and was met my Benjamin's emotion filled eyes. "I'm sorry," He said.

"Why are you sorry?" He didn't have anything to be apologizing to me for. He never had to apologize to me. I didn't want him to.

"I keep wasting your time," He said, sniffling. I frowned and opened my mouth to say something, but I was interrupted by Benjamin continuing to speak. "I always come to you when I'm like this and it sucks because I know I'm preventing you from enjoying your life like you should be doing, but you're the only person I can talk to. I don't have anyone else but you."

Before he could say anything more, I grabbed the sides of his face and made him look at me. With desperation evident in my voice, I spoke. "Ben, stop. You're never bothering me. You're never wasting my time. I'm here because I want to be here. I'm with you because I care about you. You wouldn't be able to bother me even if you tried to."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I said those words to him. His eyes glazed over as well and all I could do was to wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his shoulder. He did the same to me, and I couldn't help the tears that forced their way down my cheeks.

I was crying for a lot of reasons. I was crying because of the stress this whole situation caused. I was crying because of the pain I felt hearing Benjamin get hurt every single day, and I was crying because I was afraid.

I was afraid of what would happen. Taylor could kill Benjamin any day, and I didn't know what I would do if I lost him.

With tears still streaming down our faces, we raised our heads from each others shoulders, and our lips brushed for just a split second.

That split second was enough to bring everything crashing down.

We both released our arms from around each other. I turned away to process what had just happened. I covered my mouth with my hand and tried to ignore the way my heart raced.

My face was hot when I turned back around to look at Benjamin. His bruised face was bright red, almost as red as mine, and he stared down at his hands.

It was then that I finally accepted what I had been denying for so long. I accepted that the reason I had started to question my own sexuality was that I had feelings for Benjamin.

And as soon as that acceptance hit me, I felt guilty. I felt like I was somehow using this amazing man who sat in front of me. I felt like me being here with him meant that I was taking advantage of him. I felt awful.

I was the only person he had that he could talk to, and I was ruining our friendship by having these feelings towards him.

That's why I needed to push my feelings away, and hopefully forget about them. I needed to do it because if I didn't, I could lose him.

He didn't need this, and I didn't want to add any more weight onto his shoulders when he was already barely able to stand.

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April 14th, 2020