Surreal

Chapter 20 | Albert

In five minutes the skies will break with the ringing of a hundred of bells, sounding out through each and every village in England that the war has ended. After four years of death and endless fighting, it has finally ceased fire. Some will cheer and celebrate, others will mourn for the loss of the loved ones they will never see again.

November snow flutters down from the heavy, grey sky like clear specks of dust in sunlight, littering the ground in a dismantled array of white patches that have yet to cover the earth. Stubborn blades of grass cut through the ever-falling frost in hopes of brightening the dullness with light color, but winter is settling and crushing those hopes.

Christmas is a month away. It would have been our fourth Christmas together.

Gail nibbles on my shoulder, my back against her stable door as she strains to reach my body with her long neck.
Hercules nickers for attention, his coal black coat spotted with snowflakes from breeze-blown specks. The golden hay covering the barn floor emits a warm glow in the coolness, calming the chill deep in my bones and settling the sadness that comes with the weather.

Frozen tears line my cheeks, the cries that escape my lips unstoppable and the horrible cramp in my back left unnoticed.
My body racks with sobs as I cover my face with my knees, all wrapped warmly in my arms as I cry like a child in a ball.
In seconds now, the bells will ring, loud and clear for all to hear. But strangely, it is not something I care to hear.

Pain fills my chest. That familiar pain that feels like a heart attack, but its hurt is much deeper. Much more powerful. A hurt that doesn't kill, but feels like death itself encased you with it.

James will never be home. It was those bells that took him away, and now they cannot bring him back. Because of everything those bells first signified, I will never see him again. Joey will never meet his father. Our lips will never touch, our bodies never meet, his warm arms will never surround me again.

And those same damn bells dare to sound on behalf of something wonderful.

My body screams, telling me to cover my ears, to cry away the sound of anything, but it's quickly too late.

Bong...bong...bong.

And again, like I have every night for four years, I cry.

It is over. But all is lost.

"Mummy?"

The familiarly high voice surprises me as I crane my neck to the side in search of the possessor, and a weak smile etches its way across my cheeks when I find him.

"Joey," I sniff, reaching out a hand to his cheek, "Why are you out in the cold?"

"Are you sad?" he ignores my question as he expertly sets a tiny hand on my
shoulder, gazing up at me through large, blue eyes.

I pause, tears still streaming down my face. "Yes, Joey. I'm very sad."

He puckers his lips as he breaths in the cold air, and with some difficultly, he lowers himself to the ground next to me. "Me too, mummy."

"What do you mean?" I can't help but sadly chuckle, "Why are you sad?"

"Because you are! Why are you sad, mummy?"

"I miss Daddy," I sniff, tightly wrapping a motherly arm around him, "I miss Daddy a lot."

His young breathing blows huffs of frosty air as he thinks, and he suddenly cuddles securely next to me. "I miss Daddy too."

•••

Now that the war is over, the soldiers are beginning to come home. Few boys that had left with the army return, but they are greeted in the village like heroes. Still, they barely smile, and when they do it is forced for their mothers, wives, or children. A faint sadness is in their eyes, a sadness I know will never leave.