imagines | shawn mendes

blackout

listen to 'blackout' by freya ridings
while reading
(else you won't get the meaningful things in this imagine)

~

"where do you think you're going?" asher, your friend, raised his voice as you walked to the front door. "you're not going to him, are you?"

you didn't answer but instead zipped your jacket and put on some black boots.

"are you fucking serious? after everything he did? you can't keep on running back to him over and over again!"

"who says i can't?" you started to become angrier.

"what's going on here?" your other two friends lana and malcom came into the hall. their eyes sleepy as they stumbled towards you in their pajamas.

"y/n wants to go back to shawn." asher stated.

"what?!"
"are you crazy?"
both lana and malcom exclaimed, fully awake suddenly.

"you were just crying over him a few hours ago! you can't do this! you cannot allow him to play with you like that." malcom said.

"he's right y/n, this relationship isn't healthy for you. you are better off anyway." lana agreed.

"you have no idea what is healthy for me!" you finally spoke up.

"oh no? i think we know that constantly crying over someone who is supposed to make you happy isn't healthy. he left you... so many times! i think everyone knows that that's not healthy." asher contributed.

he was partly right about that, but there was so much more that they didn't understand.

"i don't wanna talk about it. not anymore." you mumbled as your back slipped from your shoulders and landed on the ground with a thud. your knees became weak as you slowly slid to the ground.

lana was the first to come and sit besides you, sliding one arm around your shoulders. you did everything not to cry but a few tears still rolled down your cheeks.

"you have to move on. even though he might love you, even though you might love him." malcom says, much more calm now.

it was funny how they made it seem so easy. just forget him, they said. how could you ask someone to forget the person they love so deeply? it was true that shawn and yours relationship hurt you but it wasn't just his actions, it was his life combined with yours. it just didn't work out sometimes which caused massive arguments and many restrictions in your private life.

on top of that was he multiple months gone on tour. especially during that time you missed him terribly. social media was another big issue in your relationship. you weren't used to so many opinions from strangers about you and whom you might date. while you wanted to keep things lowkey and out of the public eye, shawn was massively restricted in interviews and press tours so that he was even more stressed out.

during your on-and-off-relationship there were also major trust issues which started off with cheating rumors on social media. shawn and you were both still so young and probably not ready for such a big relationship that you weren't careful enough and let rumors control your feelings. the biggest mistake you could do because since then the two of you fought over the tiniest things.

it may be true that you were too young to settle down. too young to find your true love. too young to make big commitments. too young to be with one another.
but you were certain that shawn was your person. and he felt the same way. you two had no 'meaningless relationship' or went 'too quick'.
no, you two were madly in love. and you fought for your relationship through all the bad times.

they may told you to forget but his face is all you seemed to see while you were elsewhere and not by his side. it didn't felt right to not be with him.

as you slowly came back to the real world you realized that your friends were loudly arguing. lana on the one side protected you and your feelings while the guys were more concerned and said they would do anything to get shawn out of your life.

"you're all so fucking wrong." you said causing everyone to shut up. "you have no idea what shawn and i have. yes, we are anything but perfect and our relationship is anything but easy. but our love is so real and so deep! y'all have no say in my romantic life! i appreciate all your help during the times i cried in your arms. but shawn is it for me, and i hope you can respect that."

there was an uncomfortable silence for a couple of minutes before asher huffed. "respect that? the fuck i will! i can't keep on watching how that guy destroys you. i'm sorry."

"asher!" lana exclaimed but before she could say anything malcom interrupted her. before long they were again yelling and arguing over your relationship.

"guys... guys!" all their heads snapped to you. "this is enough. i am leaving."

"bu-but where?" malcom asked.

"just let her go malcom!" lana said, she then smiled at you and nodded.

as you sat in your car and drove to shawn's, your mind was a mess. you knew you wanted to be with him but you also knew that wasn't possible if things wouldn't change.

when you made it to his apartment you let yourself with your key in. inside where all lights turned off. you knew he was home, though. he never went somewhere after a fight because he always hoped that you'd come back.

you kicked your shoes and jacket off before you quietly wandered into his bedroom. you could see his tall figure laying in his bed, blanket covering his body as tiny snores escaped his plump lips. you took off your pants so you were left in a big tee and undergarments.

you walked around the bed and carefully slid under the blanket, sliding over to shawn where you then spooned him and intertwined your hand with his.
as you gave him a kiss on his bare shoulder he slowly woke up.

"y/n?" he turned around so you were face to face.

"i'm here baby," you nodded and scooted closer to him.

"i thought you'd left me." he breathed out, running his hand through his hair.

"i could never blackout you, shawn. it's always been you. i don't wanna go anywhere." you whispered.

"i'm so sorry for what happened! i shouldn't have-"

"shh," you shushed him. "we are going to talk tomorrow. for real this time, yeah? we need some changes."