imagines | shawn mendes

passenger seat

~

"i really enjoyed tonight," you said as you and shawn left the restaurant, your hands clutched on your little bag.

"i did, too." he smiled as the two of you walked down the street. the moon shone brightly on the night sky.

"you definitely need to send me that video of brian!" you said laughing.

"i will!" shawn chuckled before he stopped in front of a car. "do you want to come back to my place? we could continue talking?" he proposed as he opened the passenger door.

your breath hitched. you wanted nothing more than to do that but the fear in you was giving everything to stop you. the worst scenarios filling your head as you looked back and forth between the car and shawn.

all you could see was her, though. you remembered the red lipstick she was wearing. you remembered how she took a selfie in the passengers seat and smiled brightly. oh god, her smile. she had the most beautiful smile. she was so happy, so filled with joy and kindness. she was everything anyone could ever dream of. and, she wore that smile of hers until her last minute because no matter how many bad things happened to her, she never stopped smiling.

"y/n?" shawn waved in front of your face.

"what.. sorry i-i.." your breathing started to increase as well as your heartbeat.

"woah, deep breathes.. come on." he stepped towards you and gently stroked your back as you focused on your breathing. he softly shushed you as you slowly calmed down and could think clear again. "you don't need to come with me," he then said, looking you deadly in the eye.

"n-no, i want to but-" you looked back to the car. just the damn car. a tear rolled down your cheek.

"hey shh, what's going on darling?" both of you sat down on the ground while you hid your face in the palm of your hands.

"i'm so sorry, shawn." you sobbed. "i can't get in that car with you."

shawn looked puzzled to the car and then back to you, "okay.. but why?"

you fumbled with your bag as you took deep breaths, "my sister died during a car accident." you then looked up to his hazel eyes.

his face softened as his mouth shaped an 'o' form. "fuck, i am so sorry y/n. i swear if i would've known.. i'm really sorry. do you uh.. do you wanna talk about it?"

"it's uhm.. it was a year ago. she was nineteen a-and she'd just graduated from high school-" your voice broke and shawn quickly scooped you into his embrace. "she was the light of our family. she was my parents' little girl, they will never heal ever again."

he was speechless for a moment. no one ever knew what to say. what even are you supposed to say to an information like that? but then he spoke up again,
"i am so.. sorry. no words can describe your loss or make it less painful. i'm sure she was a wonderful person, just like you-"

"i was the one driving the car." your gaze met his as he didn't say another word. after a few moments of silence you shakily said, "i was driving. i crashed the car. she died a-and i didn't. h-how is that fair? why was that stupid tree on her side? why not on mine?" you were in streaming tears by now as shawn tried his best to calm you down. "am i still a wonderful person to you?" you huffed.

"yes. you are. it was an accident, y/n. don't- fuck, let's talk about this at home okay? you are freezing and in a bad place right now. m'wanna take care of you."

"i haven't been in a car since. i can't do this." you said as he pulled you up and laid his jacket over your shoulders.

"we'll walk, then." he shrugged, grabbed your hand and started moving.

"what?! are you sure? it's kinda far isn't it?"

"no, it'll be fine. c'mon darling, i'll make you some tea once we're home and then we can talk." he softly laid a kiss on your lips.

"thank you," you whispered before your eyes welled up with tears again.