diary

11/4

i am broken

i cannot be fixed

please stop trying to fix me

i am this way because

it is who i am

i am sorry if i made you think i need to change

i want to sometimes

but i feel as though you pity me

i feel like everyone who says

they love me

actually pities me

because they feel bad

they feel bad because i am broken

and i cannot be fixed

but they want to try to fix me

so they can think they did something good

then they can tell everyone

they fixed the anxious depressed suicidal kid

who did nothing more than listen to music

and try to get through the day

without someone asking what was wrong

because that is the hardest question to answer

they also ask

why the kid with the hoodie or longsleeve

always has a hoodie or a longsleeve on

then they see that slight glimpse of red

then the kid raises their hand

and they ask the kid to pull up their sleeve

or they say

show me your arms

and the kid freezes for a bit

not knowing what to do

then the kid

silently puts their earbuds in

puts up their hood

and walks away

without a single word

only to be told to talk to someone

because

there are people who care

but when the kid actually needs help

everyone leaves

which is normal

the kid is used to it

everyone leaves

nobody actually ever really cared

they all just pretended

but the kid is going to make them all happy

because after this

the kid will be no more

the kid is tired of being ignored

so they decided to give up

goodbye.

- kid