Metamorphosis

Happy Easter

I will never forgive myself for being too self conscious and oblivious to your interest.
You talked to me almost everyday for 4 months and I never gave you all of me because I didn't want to reveal all of me over the phone. I wanted to do that in person so it would be more special. No matter how I twisted and bent the thought, I could never grasp the idea of you being equally interested in me. We were just talking, right? You just viewed me as a friend, right? We met on a dating app. I was so stupid to think you weren't possibly considering dating me.
You wished me a Merry Christmas so many months ago. It's 4 months later and I haven't talked to you in 3 months. You aren't here to wish me Happy Easter. I regret convincing myself that you would talk to me for months and not be interested in me. I regret losing you. I regret not telling you I appreciated you sooner.
I hope one day we can come together again. We will relearn each other and I will ask you all the questions I wanted to know and give you every piece of my personality. Maybe I won't have to dream of your voice and only hear it through a phone. Maybe I can feel the vibrations lying on your chest. I hope you will give me the opportunity to identify the exact shades of blue that twinkle in your eyes so I can paint the colors in all my artwork.
Maybe next April we can dress up-you in a button down shirt and me in a matching floral dress-and I can show you my childhood church. As we walk back to the car through the green grass under enormous pine trees you could take my hand above my head and twirl me twice just to watch my dress flow into a gravity defying circle. After we could laugh as I stumble with dizziness and you steady me by wrapping your arm around the small of my back. You'll whisper in my ear (just to get closer to me) about what next Easter will be like at your house. When I would drive home, we would dance and sing to a playlist created by you and me, learning to love each other's music taste because it reminds us of them. We would dye boiled eggs (along with our fingertips) and share Lindt chocolate bunnies along with giddy smiles.
Maybe next year you'll let me wish you a Happy Easter.

-But today, I'll silently whisper the words I wish would travel two hours away, down the highway, just for you to hear.
Happy Easter, my love.