The Quiet Types

Chapter 21

"This was amazing, Mrs. Blaise. Thank you," thanked Dexter as my mom picked up the plate from in front of him.

"Believe me. It was nothing besides seasoning, chopping up a few vegetables, and turning on the crock pot," chuckled my mom as she went into the kitchen.

I hadn't bothered to touch my food. I was emotionally exhausted. I was starting to lead myself to believe that having Dexter over for the weekend was a mistake. I knew how he felt about me. I always have and I still didn't stop to consider that this trip may have been interpreted differently to him than to me. Then Theo being at the game did not help anything of my current situation.

If I got clean once, I could always get clean after right?

I looked down at my lap as my mom finished collecting the rest of the dishes. Billy was already in his room doing homework seeing the game had run longer than anyone expected, my mom was already slaving away with the dishes she had insisted she do herself, and my dad would be gone till late.

"You want to go upstairs?" I offered not knowing what else to say.

"Sure. I'll meet you up there? I'll go grab your things from the car."

I nodded in agreement and he got up leaving me alone for a few short moments with myself.

It'll clear my mind. I could figure this out if everything wasn't built up.

I sighed. Upstairs. I needed to be upstairs. It didn't take long to retrieve things from the car. I quickly got up and made my way to my room. I took a seat on my bed just as he peeked through the door frame to confirm he was in the right place.

"Wow. Your dad did a really good job replicating your room back in New York," he complimented as he set my things on the bed in front of me.

"Perks of having a dad who knows his walls," I chuckled as I looked over at my shelving, "I wanted a third case, but my mom voted against it because at that rate I would never get rid of my books."

"Still serial killers, I see," he added as he took a seat at my desk and looked at my cork board.

"Always," I agreed as I pulled a book out of my backpack, "My therapist thinks it's a good outlet for me. It gives me time away from in my head and in someone else's."

"Did they ever mention what you may have?" he asked and I looked over at him curiously.

"What do you mean, Dex?" I replied as I got up and shut the door before my mom overheard our conversation.

"I mean do you have anxiety or OCD or bipolar disorder? A diagnosis?"

"She doesn't know. At the hospital they think it may be a form of post traumatic stress, but nothing in writing. My mom's been pushing to have me medicated for anxiety and depression, but my dad won't let her. He made it clear that when I was old enough I could decide for myself, but that won't be until I'm eighteen."

"You said you've been clean for a month?" he asked.

I nodded in agreement as I took a seat back on my bed.

"So obviously you have control over whatever it is?" he assumed.

I laughed weakly at his assumption. "No, not necessarily. I haven't been left alone for more than a couple of hours at a time. It's not that I have control over it. It's that I don't have the time to consume myself with it. After my last episode, I have to have supervised school lunches and I see Dr. Felland every Saturday so I don't miss school anymore. I'm mentioning all this because I trust that you won't bring it up to Naomi."

"Naomi is always busy with a new boyfriend. She hardly makes the effort to find out how you are when we come across your grandmother. I just want to know what you're dealing with, Laurie. I'm sure it's not easy doing this all by yourself."

"Tess has been somewhat of a help. Obviously, I didn't see it at first, but she encouraged me to get out of the toxic relationship I was having with her brother. She didn't do a good job the way she went by it, but I mean since I've stayed my distance she's been more normal around me. Plus I have my dad and grandma who don't see me as this monster. My mom goes crazy every time I have an episode. It's terrifying. I'm only telling you so much because your sister practically dug my grave," I said as I pulled my legs up onto the bed so I could sit cross legged.

He nodded as he slid the sleeves to his shirt up to the bend of his elbow. "Thank you for being so open with me. It's been driving me crazy for months and having even a few answers calms the crazy down a bit."

"How are your classes this semester? You mentioned switching majors and what not," I mentioned hoping to change the subject.

"Good. I'm taking quite a few Civics classes, but I mean it comes with the major. All of this has me reconsidering my major again though," he replied and I gave him an odd look.

"All of this?" I asked as he moved the chair closer to me.

"I want to know what took an amazing girl who played piano and wrote poetry and turned her into the person she's terrified will come out with one bad discussion or decision," he answered as he pulled my hand into his.

"Dex, stop," I insisted as he continued to play with my hand.

"Why, Lauren?" he asked as he looked up at me, "I've followed you blindly since you were thirteen. I'm actually a little jealous of that Theo character because you saw something in him that you didn't see in me. I know you like the back of my hand and I was almost there until my sister ruined that opportunity."

I shrugged weakly. "Theo and I are similar in so many ways, Dexter. We're two bad seeds and I'm sorry that I didn't want to pull you down with me. You're too good for that. Naomi knew it. I did too. You're doing so well. I mean you attend Columbia and live an adult life. I'm going to have to see Dr. Felland probably well into college and I'll be lucky to get my bachelor degree."

"You can't really think that little of yourself, Lauren," he commented.

"That's an unfortunate part of this thing. It's really what I think about and what sucks about this all. Will most likely felt the same way and it tore him apart until he was nothing but an empty shell. We tear ourselves apart until we're nothing."

He took a deep breath and let go of my hand.

"I had dreams about being old enough to date, Dex. Your sister and I giggled over the fact that we would overhear your friends teasing you about crushing on a freshman. It's just that I'm not fourteen anymore and a lot has happened chemically that has changed that."