nine

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That night had been quiet, the music coming from my mothers room faded away and my face was frozen, I didn't know if i should cry, be sad or laugh. I was trying to figure out what had happened, why you had said that, who those girls were. My gut had told me to start crying because this was supposed to be a bad sign to our relationship. So I started crying, not knowing what was really causing it, because you were not trying to be rude right? You just wanted to be with your friends, that's all. But I still cried, later I found out you had broken my heart.

In the morning my eyes were hurting, but I had still turned towards my phone, looking if there  was anything there. There was. My screen was lit with you name and a heart after it. I had quickly turned on my phone to read the message you had sent me.

'Hey Dais, come by with the keys and pick up your stuff will you? See you later Dais!' I was confused, and even though I was naive I had known what this meant. I had quickly gotten up and on the cold Saturday morning walked towards your home. The house was messy but quiet,  you never liked it like this, it would never be like this because I was always neat around you and I was the only one that would be here.

'You I like you Dais, but I just don't have time for anything more right now' Your voice lacked emotions and my heart was busted, I was scared you could see it through my skin. You didn't. Nothing I've ever heard had made me this sad. It was a feeling I had never witnessed before. So foreign. I don't know how I didn't just fall to the ground and started crying, shaking, trembling. With a crooked smile you were leaned against the white walls, and my petite figure was still, my mouth in a straight line, teeth clenched to keep the tears in.

'Right.' And then I had left. The way home was cold, even though the sun was high up in the sky. On days like this we would assemble a picknick in your backyard and we would eat ice cream, and then you would tell me to stand in the goal and be the goalkeeper. Each time I would say no, but I would always end up there anyways after you would run after me, tackle me to the ground and leave wet kisses on my face, begging me. i would give up and each time you would hit me with the ball you would run towards me and kiss me again. That day was different, that day I was walking home, feeling emptier than ever with no kisses on my face.

After that I never saw you for years, I didn't go to Anfield to watch your games and I wouldn't walk by your neighborhood. The first months I had been devastated, I didn't know what I could possibly do with my life. My life was you, I only knew my life with you. At times I would consider moving on, but I couldn't, it felt like I was betraying you because deep down I had the tiniest feeling that maybe one day, you would start loving me again.





once, later  | trent alexander arnoldWhere stories live. Discover now