once, later | trent alexander arnold

fifteen

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He didn't look exactly the same, with a few changes he looked even better. His hair was a little bit shorter than it was before, his eyes seemed brighter and his lips fuller. Maybe a little bit taller.

"What are you doing here Daisy?" he says with a smile plastered on his face. He says Daisy, not Dais.

Right. What was I actually doing here? Looking for closure. This wasn't the closure I needed, but deep down I could feel my heart skipping a beat. He was here and it felt as if he was mine. Like nothing had ever changed, as if I we were going to walk into his house to sit on his couch and talk for hours. But that wasn't the case. I was here to go by, see his new life blossom without me while I was still stuck. Maybe a part of him was also stuck. Seeing him again wasn't what I had expected. I really had thought that I would cry and maybe just tell him that, well life sucks without him. I decided against doing both to eliminate total humiliation. It felt refreshing, but also as if I was dragged into the past. The present Trent wasn't mine, past Trent was. Maybe I do wish that I would be dragged into the past, maybe I could have done something different to keep him from leaving me.

"Walking around the place, it had been a while" I reply after some time, with my rosy cheeks I must be looking stupid and the eyeliner I had drawn on earlier must have drooped down to make me look like an utter clown. Maybe he would see past my looks today and realize something.

"Fun. Wanna come in and have a coffee?" his question baffled me. No? Yes? no because I'm too awkward and I know that the sight of his house would make me sad, maybe it had started smelling like another girl, maybe he had thrown out my mugs and my special flippers that I had bought to not fall on his slippery floor. Yes because I was longing to see him for some more, longing for the feeling and for the rush I would get with him. I should say no. Say no.

"Yes, that would be nice" Stupid Daisy, is this what love really is? doing things that you know will hurt you in the end? I knew deep down that this would set me back to the start of it all. My clothes would smell his house and the warmth and feelings would linger on my body for days. I would slowly become restless again, looking up at the ceiling once again imagining, imagining what I did to make it turn out like this, what was I lacking. But a small part of me felt that maybe this is the closure i needed, maybe he would tell me that it was not me, that it was him and that in the end it would all be good. Maybe I would walk out of his house as friends, maybe as enemies.

His house was the same, the shoes were racked up neatly on the racks. At the bottom the many slippers were stacked, at the very end of the row were my pink, fluffy ones. Nothing had changed, it smelled the same and the curtains had the same shade of beige as they had last time. 

"Looks nice around here" I say as I untie my shoes.

"I try my best with the busy schedule i don't have as much time to get things done around here you know" he smiles and shrugs with his shoulders, yes Trent your priorities changed, got it. See when you had me you didn't have to worry about that, because I would be here and make you food according to your diet and keep you company keeping everything neat. Maybe he has someone else to do that for him now.

"Kitchen or living-room?" I really don't care Trent. 

"Living-room is good" I smile, no need to be rude. The kitchen reminds me of the delicious food I had made you the day you humiliated me in front of your 'friends'.

With two steamy cups he sits down beside me facing the big windows in the room, the rain had started and was hitting the window-sills with force.

"So, how is football?" I ask

"It's fun, I play very often you know, and I am included in the upcoming England squad, how is school for you?"

I am happy for him, I really am. But somehow I feel jealous. Nothing changed for him when he left me, my whole world fell apart. He moved on and achieved new things, I am still stuck trying to find a remedy for my heart break that seems to never pass.

"Thats great Trent. I am really happy for you, really" I take a sip of my coffee and lean back a bit to not seem so tense. "School is just school, it moves. I am applying for uni soon"

He looks satisfied with my answer, he leans back and looks at me for a while. I quickly look away to avoid eye contact. I can't really quite understand how it turned out being like this. Trent would sometimes look at me for several minutes and I would look him straight back in the eyes until he would break the silence by telling me how cute I was. When he did it now it felt like he was undressing my feelings with his bare eyes, that maybe he would still see that I loved him just by looking at. So I looked away, with his eyes burning at me.

"I am sorry Dais"

hiIIII, a month has gone and I have AUTUMN BREEAAAK yey. I really like this chapter hope you did too, have an awesome day/night xoxo