BABYDOLL // JJ Outer Banks

thirty-three

trigger warning: self-harm

the clock read five am. hannah sat on the edge of her toilet seat, trying to muffle the ugly sobs reverberating through her body. a thin blue razor was clutched tightly in her right hand, taunting her with possibilities.

do it! they're right, you're worthless.

hannah dug the blade into the soft flesh of her inner arm causing a small hiss to escape her lips.

nothing.

she took a sharp intake of breath as she quickly swiped the edge of the razor across her skin. a violent red line clashing against her honey-colored skin.

no one will ever love you.

a small cry echoed against the bathroom walls as hannah began blindly slicing at her wrists. tears clouded her vision and blood dripped onto the tiled floor. after what felt like years, the crying ceased and hannah's breathing evened out. unsteadily, she stood up and walked over to stare at her reflection. her tanned skin was somehow extremely pale, and her face looked hollow and malnourished. suddenly, she couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten. as she looked down, she briefly wondered how many times she had cut herself before grabbing medical supplies and cleaning the wounds. hopefully the pogues wouldn't ask about it, but she knew it was only a matter of time.

...

pope and kie watched as jj paced back and forth impatiently outside the chateau.

"i should go look for her."

"dude, she's probably on her way," pope reasoned.

"yeah," kie added, "it's not even 12 yet; hannah rarely wakes up before 11."

jj glared at the two. "well, mr. and mrs. know-it-all, if she wasn't here and she wasn't at my place or yours, where must she be?"

the two grimaced in understanding.

"yeah," jj sat down, pulling pogie into his lap. when jj had arrived at the chateau last night, the dog had given him the saddest look, like he knew what had happened. jj had locked him in john b's room so he wouldn't have to see pogie give him that face anymore, it hurt too much.

"hey," kie nudged jj's shoulder, "she'll come around."

jj nodded, nuzzling his face into pogie's fur. hannah loved the dog with all her heart, and if she did, than so would he.

"maybe we should start loading up the truck?" pope suggested.

jj shook his head. "not until ha-"

"why the fuck is there a hot tub here?"

the three teens spun around to see hannah's face contorted into confusion and staring at the expensive piece of equipment. the group didn't hesitate to launch themselves at the girl, enveloping her in a hug.

"woah," hannah awkwardly chuckled, "what happened while i was gone?"

"too much," pope replied.

"i'm sorry," jj mumbled into her long-sleeved shirt, but his words came out more muffled and sounded more like jibberish than actual words.

"what?"

kie gently tugged on pope's sleeve, causing the boy's eyes to widen before the two left to give hannah and jj some privacy.

"babydoll, i'm so sorry," jj cried, raising his head to reveal his red rimmed eyes. "i didn't mean anything that i said and i-"

hannah shushed him, a sad smile on her face. "i know, jay," she whispered, but jj knew better. there was still a lingering pain behind her eyes that he could clearly see. even if she did understand that he didn't mean it, the words had still deeply affected her. "it's okay."