Little [Harry Styles]

[47]

31st October 2015

***
Harry Styles

Standing in the dimly lit backstage area felt different from the hundreds of other nights I'd done this. My heart was beating out of my chest like it never had before, so quickly that I feared I might faint. I didn't dare to watch Marnie as she disappeared to join my family out in the audience, she'd been holding me together the entire day and I wasn't even completely sure she knew it.

I could do this. I've done it hundreds of times before. Tonight was no different.

Except it was.

I made small talk with Lou and Niall as I let the screams of the thousands of people that filled the arena get the adrenaline pumping through my veins.

It kicked in as it always did just moments before we were due to step out on stage, after we'd taken a minute to complete the ritual we did before every show. Tonight was no different.

It wasn't the biggest arena we'd ever played, in hindsight it was quite small, 36 thousand people filling the seats across the room. It's a strange feeling considering thirty-six thousand as a small number; Holmes Chapel had a population of less than 6,000 which meant that if you put everyone in the arena in the town, you'd fill it six times over and then some. Still, we'd played to venues of over a hundred thousand people in these past months. So yeah, 36,000 wasn't massive.

The opening beats to Clouds blasted through the speakers and into the earpiece I wore in my ear, my heartbeat feeling like it was matching each heavy beat of the drum and bass. The arena was lit up with the flashlights from the thousands of phones that were pointed in our direction and I couldn't stop the shit eating grin from taking over my face as I stared out into the crowd.

I could only see about twenty rows back through the bright lights of the stage, but the faces I could see were filled with joy and happiness, and some even tears that I hoped with tears of joy. Knowing that I brought so many people some kind of a sense of happiness was a feeling I don't think I'd ever come to terms with, but it felt good.

"I know you said...that you don't like it complicated...that we should try keep it simple...but love is never ever simple...No"

I sang into the mic like my entire life depended on it as the song began and the atmosphere made my blood pump through my veins like electricity. This song was always one of my favourites to perform, the way the beat vibrated through the floor and into your chest was unmatched.

Kiss You came next and I let myself get lost in my own world as the song progressed, waving to and dancing along with the people in the front rows in the moments I could. My mind almost felt like it was going to explode as I tried to manage entertaining the people that had paid for tickets to see us, singing and making sure I absorbed every single second. Liam spoke to the crowd for a few minutes after Fireproof and the crowd completely lapped every ounce of it up; Liam had always been the best at keeping a crowd entertained, he always seemed to know how to answer every question regardless of how awkward or wrong they were. I admired him for that.