A Court of Ice and Fire

Chapter 7

By now, he's probably married. The thought shakes me to my core, and this time, I can't fight the single tear I let fall down my face. The footsteps behind me are heavy, and they slow down as the person realizes they found me. I don't have to turn around in order to know who it is, and I keep my back to them as they approach. 

We're both silent, and I can feel Liam's tension rolling off of him in waves as he stands next to me. I can't bring myself to look at him, knowing that if I do, I might not be able to stop. That I might fall back into the same hole I was only just beginning to crawl out of. 

The fear that I might gaze into his eyes and never look away makes me want to keep running, but I force myself to stand there, waiting for him to make the first move. I hear him take a low, deep breath in before starting, and my whole body tenses at the sound of his voice. 

"I know what I did... I accept the fact that I hurt you just like I swore I never would. And I hate the fact that you hate me so much that you can't even look at me right now." I can see him look at me from the corner of my eye, but I keep my face pointed forward, refusing to even acknowledge what he is saying. 

"I could tell you that she meant nothing to me. That I hated her without even knowing who or what she even looked like. But I know that won't make you feel any better. I doubt anything I say will make what I did right again but-"

"Then why are you here?" I demand sharply, keeping my gaze on the treeline. I don't try to hide the venom in my voice, and the sheer hatred that shines in my eyes. 

He's right, there's nothing he could ever say or do that could heal what happened between us. I knew what we had couldn't last... but he tossed me away like I never once mattered to him. Like I was the commoner garbage everyone else knew I was. 

And the second I rise above, the second I have a fortune at my back, he comes crawling back, like nothing ever happened. "I'm here because leaving you that day.. choosing my father over you was my greatest regret... I didn't realize it until... until my wedding day. I saw her, and I kept picturing you. I saw all the things that made her different than you. So I ran." 

I blink, the only sense of surprise I was willing to show. He ran. The words are a mantra in my head, and I don't know what to do, or how to feel. Relieved that he finally realized his mistake? Happy that he chose me? Satisfied that in the end, he got exactly what he deserved?

If he sees my internal struggle, he ignores it as he continues, his voice strong as he speaks. "I just... left. I never went back to that house, although I'm sure my father has been looking for me. He's managed to keep the whole thing mostly a secret, I suppose he thinks I'll come to my senses and return... I've been using the old cabin for a while now, Claire said that I could stay as long as I had to... But when I finally gathered the guts to go to your house-it was empty. 

"I stopped someone on the street, and when I asked them what had happened to you and your family, they told me where you lived now. I still have my standing, thanks to my father being so discrete about what had happened. I went to every single party, ball and grouping-hoping that I would see you just once. Just one time so I could explain what happened. I-you don't have to forgive me. But I needed you to know that I didn't go through with it. I'm flat broke, and I've been wearing the same old suit for the past three days.... and I'm in love with you." 

The words punch me in the gut. Each one sending me deeper and deeper into the same emotions I ran away from a year ago. I shake my head, turning my back towards him as I take in a deep, shaky breath.

"No." The word comes out quiet, and I clench my fists at my side. "No." I repeat, stronger now. "You can't just come back. Not after what you did. I don't know what you thought would happen tonight, but I'm done. I-I was wreck after that. And I'm just now getting better. You can't just run on back into my life like nothing happened. Not now, not ever."