A Court of Ice and Fire

Chapter 20

****Mature Content, Read at own risk****

Life is like a never ending maze. It's full of twists and dead ends, and then as soon as you think you know the way out or that you understand it, you only get lost again. 

I thought that I understood my life-I was going to live with Feyre and my father when Elain and Nesta got married, maybe even become a mercenary with Gavin. Now, I don't even know what my life is. 

Every step I take towards understanding this new place-this new body I fee like I'm just going in another endless circle. 

Mate. 

Another twist-another circle. For a second-for one split moment, I had thought Liam was my soulmate-the only person who was meant for me. But now, Azriel is here, and I'm beginning to feel myself letting down the barriers I once held in my mind. 

Now, I don't know if those feelings were because of the stupid bond between us or because for a moment, I actually wanted him. I found comfort in his arms, his smile, and just the smell of him brought me back before blowing up the entire house. 

And yet every time he looks at Mor, I can see the intense love buried there. There's a history there that I might never be able to get between, a love that has been there for centuries-and I've only had a few months. 

"You're our Songbird-and one day you're going to soar amidst the stars and the heavens above." 

My mother used to visit me every night-and for most of my life, I thought the words that she rambled about were the words of a drunken women coming back from a party. She used to sing to me stories of the Fae-heroic stories of warriors and fighters, of creatures that flew in the sky and slew their enemies with a swift and sure sword. 

Now it all makes sense. Why whenever I brought her up, even Nesta held few good memories of her. Feyre had hardly even known her-She could barely even remember her face. It explains why my father was so distant with me-why he never seemed to be able to get close with me without looking like he might pass out from the effort. 

But still, no one told me. 

No one told me that the reason I looked so different than my sisters was because my father was someone I have never met. They never told me that the reason my mother paid me so much attention was because she loved the person she was with so much more than she did her husband. 

They never told me. 

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

In the following days, no one deigned to check up on me. I was left alone, save for the meals that were delivered by the twins three times daily.

I ate some small morsels from the plates-but my mood had clearly affected my already small appetite. 

It was on the third day of my wallowing that my door opened. 

I was lying on my bed when I heard it, my head instantly swiveling around to face the door. At first, I half expected to see Azriel-but thankfully all I see is a bandaged and bruised Cassian. 

His face and body are completely healed of all his wounds-but one look at his wings tells me that he won't be flying anytime soon. His once beautiful and magnificent wings are covered in bandages, and held securely behind his back. 

I can see the slight pain in his eyes as he leans on the doorframe to my room, his eyes scanning the area before shaking his head. "Leave it to Mor to be the meddler." He sighs, rolling his eyes.