Arms Length

Chapter 26: i'm on my own

**Jade**

There are 86,400 seconds in a day, and I am painfully aware as those seconds tick by, as Daphne and Jason's lawyer goes over their will with me at their kitchen table, I don't even remember his name, Greg? Or Jeff? It might be Jeff. I don't know. He's speaking in legal terms and the only words I can focus on are "legal guardian" and "assets". "Now, Miss Holland you do have the option to legally adopt Chase in 6 months... if that's something you wish to do." He says shuffling through the neat stack of papers on the table.

If that's something I wish to do... No, this conversation shouldn't even be taking place. I shouldn't be listening to legal terms my 23-year old mind barely comprehends and signing on dotted lines where this person tells me to; I have no idea what I'm doing.

10,800 painful seconds later, Daphne and Jason's lawyer is gone, Aunt Sherri has yet to leave my side, Uncle Frank has been tasked with the job of chauffer as family members and friends arrive from out of town. Grey offered to run to the mall and buy something black for the funeral because all I have are the casual clothes I packed for the month-long tour.

"Can I get you anything honey?" Aunt Sherri asks placing her hand on my shoulder.

"No...I'm....no..." I say looking down at Chase who's bouncing in his walker and smiling at me.

"You don't have to make any decisions right now honey, you have enough to worry about." She says running her hand through my hair.

"No, I know." I say watching Chase. In one fell swoop I've gone from "aunt" to "legal guardian" and inherited a house that I can keep or sell if I should choose, I can legally adopt my nephew should I choose. Do I give up my life in L.A? Do I sell this house and move Chase to L.A with me in 6 months? Jesus, Daph what were you thinking? What do I do? I feel my phone vibrate under my thigh. I look at the screen and see its Billie. I'm not mentally prepared to talk to her, but I know I need to. I take a deep breath. "Hey..."

"Hey Love..." She says softly, like the sound of her voice is going to somehow break me. "Are you ok?"

That three worded question is very loaded, I don't even know how to answer, saying I'm beyond heart-broken is an understatement, saying I feel more alone than I ever have before seems like I sound completely selfish. But how do I answer that question? If I say "Yes" I'm lying. If I say "No." it leaves room for more questions so, I simply tell her, "I don't know..."

"I'm sorry love. Do you want me to post-pone the tour? I can come to Texas." She says with zero hesitation and without a hint of sarcasm.

"No, you don't need to put what you love doing on hold for me, it's not worth it."

"Why do you always say that? You just lost your sister, let me be there for you..."

"Thank you for reminding me of that fact. I don't need you here for me Billie, just go enjoy your tour... don't worry about me." I sigh and end the call without hearing her out. I know she means well, and I know my words hurt her, but in all honesty, I don't want her to post-pone her tour that she's been looking forward to for such a long time.

"Is he singing Coldplay to him?" I ask Daphne as we clean up the post-Christmas Eve dinner dishes.

"Yeah." She laughs shaking a piece of blonde hair out of her face. "We usually sing Coldplay to him. His favorite so far is 'Paradise' because Jay dances with him." She shrugs a little handing me a plate to put in the dishwasher.

"Guess I should brush up on my Coldplay."

I wish I knew more Coldplay songs, I wish Daphne and Jason were just on business trip and I could call her and ask "Does Chase like the pjs with the racecars or rocket ships better?" or "Is 'Paradise' still his favorite Coldplay song?" But I can't. After I've bathed him and settled on the pjs with the rocket ships, sang 'Paradise' and danced with him, twice, he's finally half-asleep enough for me to put him down fully in his crib. I grab the video monitor, close the door gently and make my way outside.

"I'm not going to ask if you're ok..." Grey says sitting next to me as she dips her feet in the pool next to mine handing me a glass of wine.

"Thanks." I say taking the glass of wine. "Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this? I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself... "

She sighs, "Shitty things happen to good people every day, Bunny. You did nothing wrong. Life just dealt you a really shitty hand."

"Billie offered to post-pone her tour and come here." I mumble into my glass of wine. "I told her not to worry about me."

"Now you're being an idiot."

"She shouldn't put something she loves on hold for-"

"For what? Someone she loves? That's what you do for people you care about."

"You sound like Daphne."

"Good. Listen Bunny, you're going to be alone... a lot... let that girl come be here for you in those moments because as soon as we all leave in a week or two... it's just going to be you and Chase, and then what?"

"Then... I'll deal..."

"Because you're handling it so well right now? Look, I know you're going through something no one should ever have to go through at 23... especially on the heels of losing your mom and your dad... but listen to me, ok? If you continue to push the people that are here for you because they want to be because they love you, you won't have anyone because you made that choice."

"Fuck." I look down at my glass of wine.

**Billie**

"Thank you for reminding me of that fact. I don't need you here for me Billie, just go enjoy your tour... don't worry about me." Her words echo in my mind as I chew on my cuticle, and stare at a spot on the wall. Why would I not care about her? Why would I not worry about her? Besides my brother she's my favorite person to be around.

"What do you wanna do Bil?" Fin asks rubbing my back as I stare at my phone.

"She doesn't want me to post-pone the tour."

"Great. What do you wanna do?"

I look up at my mom and dad who have joined Fin in my room for a rare, but necessary family-only meeting.

"Baby, whatever you want to do we'll do. Just tell us." My mom says leaning back in the chair.

I sigh, the fans will understand, right? Danny will be pissed, but he'll get over it. I run my hands through my hair. "I wanna be there for Jade." I hope I don't regret this decision.

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**a/n: Thank you very, very much for the 1.92k reads!! Even though some hate me for what I did. Y'all are awesome. Stay safe this Memorial Day, continue to wash your hands, and if your state is still telling you to stay home... Stay.The.Fuck.Home!**