Arms Length

Chapter 36: Papercut

**Jade**

Billie left for tour...again, I knew it would happen, she knew it was coming. Did it make saying 'goodbye' any easier? No. Was I hoping time would pause until she came back to Texas to rescue me like I was Cinderella? In a way, yes. But time didn't stop and she's not in Texas, and on the days where Lydia reminds me of my upcoming court appearance with John and Maryann Williams to contest the validity of my guardianship over Chase as well as Daphne and their late son's estate; I miss Billie the most.

"You'll be fine." Lydia reassures me as we walk into the private courtroom where Jeff O'Neill and his legal partner are waiting for me.

"We're just waiting on Mr. and Mrs. Williams." Jeff tells me as he stands to greet me. Am I secretly hoping they've forgotten the impending court date they insisted on having? Fuck yes, I am. I take a seat next to Lydia with Chase on my lap and give him the small stuffed shark Billie insisted on buying him on a trip to the Texas State Aquarium.

"You call him 'Baby shark' he needs a shark." She'd said while trying to find the perfect plush shark for before deciding on a hammer head shark. I sigh into Chase's head gently as my anxiety grows in my chest as the minutes tick by on the large clock over the judge's head.

"It's been 15 minutes..." I whisper to Lydia as she looks at her watch, "How much longer do we wait?"

"I'm sorry counselor..." Judge Harrison sighs, for the almost 15th time, this hearing has lasted an hour too long for my liking, and from the way Jeff's partner keeps looking back at me things are weighing in my favor.

"Your Honor, my client just wants what is best for their grandchild." Mr. and Mrs. Williams' lawyer, Holly Peterson says, as Maryann leans over to whisper something in Holly's ear.

"And you believe Miss Holland is incapable of doing what is best for Chase?" Judge Harrison asks the Williams' legal team.

"We do, your honor."

"Miss Holland, please stand." Judge Harrison says addressing me.

I take a deep breath a shift a sleepy Chase in my lap as I stand awkwardly while Chase's head rests in the crook of my neck. "Yes, your honor?"

"Please tell me what you were doing before you came down here to take care of your nephew?"

"I was working as an intern for Interscope Records in Los Angeles California, your honor."

"And before that?"

"I was an intern at The Recording Academy in Austin."

"And in the time you've taken care of Chase have you seen Mr. and Mrs. Williams?"

"Not since Daphne and Jason's funeral, your honor."

"Thank you, Miss Holland." He says with a gentle smile, "You may take a seat."

I sit back down and readjust Chase in my lap as he sleeps.

"Your honor, again, my client just wants what is best for their grandchild and we feel Miss Holland being as young as she is and given her circumstance... and the environment..." Holly continues "Chase will do better with his grandparents."

"And what environment is that?"

"From our understanding-"

"Your honor." Jeff interrupts Holly's statement and I'm fully aware of what she's about to say. "My client's sexuality is not a hindrance in taking care of a child."

"Why is this such an issue?" I whisper to Lydia.

"It shouldn't be." She whispers back.

"Thank you, Counselor." Judge Harrison says addressing Jeff. "I've heard everything I need to hear from both parties." He says looking over the documents in front of him.

"How'd court go?" Billie asks adjusting her phone as we're on FaceTime while she changes out of her performance t-shirt and into a fitted tank top.

"I get to keep Chase." I say smiling.

"That's good." She says a bit dismissively.

I feel my smile drop instantly at her behavior, "Yeah..." my desire to tell her about the rest of my day quickly fades. "Listen, you seem distracted" disinterested "so I'll let you go. I need to check on Chase, talk to you later." I say quickly and disconnect the call before she can protest. I want to tell her that after speaking with Lydia in his chambers the judge is willing to sign off on the paperwork allowing me to adopt Chase before the end of the year, I want to tell her my mom's house officially sold and I don't have to worry about that burden anymore, and that I've finally decided on a Halloween costume for Chase and he's sort of walking; but the fact that she's not bothering to call back or text tells me she's no longer interested in mine or Chase's life.

I swallow my pride and look at the monitor as Chase stirs from his late afternoon nap and make my way back to his nursery, I open the door gently and lightly kick the discarded plush shark out of the way of the shelf and turn the sound machine off as I hear his soft babbles slowly turn into whines. "I know, I know." I say walking over to him as I pick him up out of the crib and kiss his cheeks, before laying him down on the changing table to change his post-nap diaper.

"Let's eat then go for a walk, okay?" I say buttoning up his onesie.

**Billie**

"You need to tell her." Finneas says in a clipped tone that tells me he's not only disappointed in me, but that I should be ashamed of myself. Like I don't already know that.

"That's not something she needs to hear via text message or over the phone, babe." Claudia says giving my brother a look.

"I know I need to tell her." I say twirling one of the rings on my thumb. Don't ask me why I cheated, because I don't have a reason, not one that's valid. Younger me would have blamed it on distance and loneliness, and the thought that she might have cheated while I was away. Now, I've fucked up a really good thing because, I felt like being a selfish brat for a night. Do I regret it? Yes. Did I regret it in the moment? No, but I wish I had. Do I want to tell Jade? Fuck no. Do I know I need to tell Jade? 1000% yes.

I turn onto my back and sigh, I can't fucking sleep. I've been tossing and turning in this hotel bed for hours, it's been like this since I made the stupid decision to cheat on Jade. I look at my phone half expecting to see some a missed call or text from Jade, but nothing; not even a 'Good night from Baby shark' picture. I swallow the lump in my throat and press her contact info deciding to call her instead of FaceTiming her; I can't handle looking at her actual face when I tell her I cheated. I sigh as the other end rings and rings... smart she's probably got her phone in her hand letting me sweat.

"Hi, it's Jade..." I sigh and hang up. I'm not about to leave her a voicemail. What's the worst that could happen if I don't tell her?