Arms Length

Chapter 37: feels like yesterday was a year ago

**Billie**

"I'm going to go Billie..." Jade says softly, despite how upset I know she is; she never once raised her voice and her voice never broke, which is terrifying.

"Please let me explain."

"I don't need you to explain." She says, "Goodbye Billie." And with the 3 beeps she's gone.

I give my final air hug to the crowd, run off stage and lose all composure as my mom wraps her arms around me trying to console me per usual. "It's okay baby." my mom says kissing my sweaty temple. Even though, deep down we both know, it's not. I gently push my mom off before making my way to the greenroom and shut the door behind me and check my phone like I have for the past 3 weeks hoping to hear from Jade. The only thing she's sent me was a super formal text asking me if I can send her the spare key to her apartment.

I plop down on the couch and cover my eyes with arms and feel my phone vibrate against my leg, I secretly hope that when I look down it'll be Jade, but by this point I know better. I check my phone and see that it's Fin asking if he can come in. I send him a quick text letting him know it's fine and see him enter with my inhaler and a bottle of water.

"We're leaving in 15." He says tossing me my inhaler, and I can tell by his tone he's still upset with me but he's trying hard not to show it.

"Thanks." I say, fidgeting with my inhaler. I don't know what hurts more, knowing I broke Jade's heart or having my brother upset with me that I broke someone's heart...someone that never deserved to be broken in the first place. "Hey, Finneas." I mumble as he starts to walk out of the greenroom.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry." Is all I can mutter.

"I know you are, Bil." He shrugs, "and I forgive you."

"But Jade hasn't."

"Give her time Eilish, she's hurt." He sighs, "We'll be back in Texas in a couple days, maybe you'll be able to go down to Corpus Christi to see her."

"If she even wants to see me..."

Being back in Texas hits different this time, there's no colorful park across the busy 2-way street when I look out the large front room window, no private pool, no Jade, no Chase. It's just like last time, my team along with Finneas' team and our family along with Claudia. In the early morning light of October the city of Austin is starting to stir, early morning runners are out, a large part of me is hoping to see that electric blue hair running down street; but that would be too good to be true. And she's in Corpus Christi and wants nothing to do with me, despite the fact that I've been blowing up her phone but now the message comes back undeliverable, so she's either blocked my number or she's changed her number and she's not on social media or she is and she's super private. Not that I blame her.

"What time do we have to be at the park?" I ask messing with the hem of my shirt.

"I think Finneas has to be there by 1?" Laura says checking her phone. "But you don't actually have to be there until tomorrow."

"Ok." I sigh.

**Jade**

1,867 text messages, that's how many messages I've deleted, 1,867 text messages saying 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' or 'Please forgive me' and 'Please talk to me'. Do I feel bad about blocking her? No. Do I feel as though I should hear her out? Possibly. But, I'm not ready to hear her out. So, I've kept myself busy. I moved forward with adopting Chase, I called my Aunt begged her to fly down to Corpus to watch Chase for a few days so I could fly to LA, break the lease on my apartment since I no longer had any ties to a place I called my temporary home. And with the help of Grey we packed up my apartment into a U-Haul and drove the 20 some odd hour back to Texas.

Admittedly though, a huge chunk of my heart is still in Highland Park.

Then proceeded to move from Corpus Christi to Austin, but kept the house as a safe haven, and for family use.

"Is she still trying to contact you, honey?" Aunt Sherri asks as she unwraps a coffee cup and sets it in the sink.

"No, I'm just deleting the last of the messages." I say setting my phone down on the counter. "I've blocked her number."

"No relationship is perfect honey."

"I know, I just... I didn't expect her to cheat on me knowing everything I'd been through." I say unwrapping another coffee cup.

"Maybe you should hear her out."

I sigh and run my hand through my hair, "Maybe." I check the monitor on the counter to see if Chase is still napping.

"He's taken the move well."

"Yeah, he has." I look at the monitor. "Hopefully we can start fresh here."

"You sure you don't mind watching Chase while I work this weekend?" I ask Aunt Sherri as I fix my to-go coffee.

"Of course not." Aunt Sherri says, smoothing his bed head down. In all honesty I'm dreading going back to work, especially since I've taken over Travis' position at The Recording Academy, and that means I'll be spending this weekend and next weekend at ACL. Lord, help me.

"Thank you."

"You're going to be late. GO. And good luck!" She says shooing me out the front door of the condo and into the cool October weather, which is a stark difference from this time last year. I adjust my hoodie and make my way to the awaiting uber as I check my phone and see a text from Hannah asking where we need to meet. I take a sip of my coffee and reply to her text telling her to meet at the Barton Spring West Entrance.

Unlike last year where I spent my time dumping ice into buckets and making sure the VIPS had enough cold beers and ice on hand, I've spent most of the time in one location with a walkie talkie answering questions, and have actually enjoyed listening to a few bands and musicians, while getting to boss scared interns around which has been kind of fun.

"Jade...?" I know that feminine raspy voice anywhere. Part of me wants to pretend to be engulfed in something in my phone, which is what I do. I keep my head down and pretend to be engulfed in my phone as I feel her body impossibly close to mine; despite how angry and heartbroken I am by her I'm still hyperaware of how close she is to me. "Jade, please..." I feel her hand on my back and it still sets my body on fire. God damnit.