"Do you ever want children?" He stiffens.
"W-what do you mean?"
"Do you ever want a family of your own?" I start to fiddle with my hands.
"I uhm. I'm not sure. Is there any reason you're asking" He whispers. We avoid eye contact.
"No. I just-"
"Please don't lie to me" He interrupts. I sigh.
"I don't want to live here anymore" He looks at me sadly. "I want to move into a little cottage not to far away but away. I want to start a family of my own... I want it to be with you" I try to smile but it came out as a sad one.
"I..."
"But if you're not ready for that I understand. I'm not going to force you to do that..." It felt awkward between us.
"I don't think I can ever have family Rouge" He whispers looking at the wall. "I'm a killer. An assassin. I'll always have people after me and if I have a family- then they'll be targeted too" With ever reason I felt my heart break into millions of more pieces.
"I want to be with you doll. But I can't have a family with you. I can't- I'm sorry" I barely withhold my tears and stand up. He lets me go easily and I go into my room. As soon as the door's closed I slouch down it and let the tears loose.
It hurts.
It hurts so much.
What am I going to do?
I choke on a sob and walk into my bathroom. I had been so worried at the start of the friends with benefits thing that I had panic bought pregnancy tests. I guess now would be as good as a time than never to check if... I take a deep breath and do everything I need to do.
One minuet left.
There was a knock at my door and hope filled me. Was he here? Does he want to try and have a family? Was he here to end things officially? Is he going to tell me he hates me! Woah, slow down Rouge, check who's at the door.
"Hey, can we come in?"
"Uhm, sure. Come in" I open the door wider and in comes Natasha and Steve.
They sat their selves at the edge of my bed whilst I sat on my bean bag. I made myself comfortable and looked down at my hands. "You've been crying" Natasha started.
I didn't say anything. "I just spoke to Bucky" Steve said, "He said you got into an argument" I flinch slightly and try not to cry again.
"We just realised that, well" My voice cracks. "We want different things" I let out in a shaky breath.
"What happened Rouge?" Steve asked while Nat came onto the bean bag squashing me yet hugging me comfortingly.
"I'm moving out" They were silent.
"You said that last time" Nat joked. "You wanted out for a month and then to come back" I look at my hands.
"I want to move out. Permanently. I want to leave... The Avengers" No one speaks and there's an awkward silence. Steve and Natasha both give each other a look.
"Is this not just... a phase?" I frown at Steve.
"I want a family" I feel Natasha flinch.
"W-we're your family, right?" I realise what I had done and quickly shot up.
"No! I don't mean it like that! Of course you're my family. You all are... I just. I want-" I stop myself to breath. I feel a few tears leave my eyes and Steve comes to comfort me this time.
"You want children?" I nod and let out a cry. "And he doesn't..." I let out another sob.
"I-it's fine... I just" I sigh. "I'm just going to use the restroom" I go into the bathroom and check on the sink. My heart drops and I fall to the ground letting out a huge bang.
"Rouge!" They both run into the bathroom. I'm sobbing. I'm heaving. I can't breath. My eyes are blurry. My hands are shaking. I can't breath. I choke on my tears.
"I c-can't" I heave. "B-bre-" I cough. Someone lifts me up and brings me into the bed. I feel a glass at my lips and I'm drinking water. "T-thank you" I whisper looking up at Steve. Natasha wasn't in the room. Or so I thought.
"Rouge" I hear her voice. I look to her and my face drops when I see what she was holding. I quickly shook my head with wide eyes just as Steve looked to her. She hid it quick. "Are you okay?"
"Y-yes I'm f-fine... S-steve, can we have some g-girl time" he nods.
"Let me know if you need anything" I nod and he leaves. Natasha joins my in my bed, tugging me into her side.
"How long have you known?"
"I thought about it happening earlier this week. James and I had become sloppy and I ran out of pills. We've been using a condom but we forgot one time... I've only just confirmed it"
She rubs my shoulder as I lean on hers. "Are you going to tell him"
"No!" I panic. She frowns so I explain, "I already asked him and he doesn't want this Nat" I gulp. "I can't tell him because he'll feel responsible, like he needs to be there. I can't. I can't force him to do that. I-I" I let out a sob and she shushes me.
"I understand. But don't you think he has the right to know..." I look down and sigh.
"I can't. I want nothing more than to tell him and live happily ever after, but. We- it just- life doesn't work that way" A few last tears fall down. "You can't tell anyone!"
"I won't. But I hope you know what you're doing"
I don't. "I do"
"I'll help you through it" She must've saw my face. I'm terrified.
"Thank you auntie Nat" We both give small smiled and I drift off to sleep.
It's going to be alright... Right?
YOU ARE READING
Benefits with Bucky Barnes
Fanfiction"Is that what we are? Friends with benefits" I pause. "I guess, unless you want to stop all this and go back to being well, acquaintances I guess" We were never exactly friends before this. "No" He answered quickly. "Friends with benefits is cool...
