Forbidden & Hidden (Phan Au)

Chapter 1

Song Playlist: www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL...

Chapter 1:

Phil's P.O.V.

I wish Dan knew I was gay, then life wouldn't be so difficult. We were just sitting there playing Mario Kart when I just let my thoughts start to wander.

"Phil! Aren't you supposed to be beating me at this? PHIL! EARTH TO PHIL!" I jumped as Dan snapped his fingers in front of my face. His fingers were like, right in front of my eyes. It was scaring me a bit, to be honest.

"What?" "What are you thinking so deeply about that you need to drop your controller for?""Oh, nothing" I hadn't realized I'd dropped my controller. I bent over to pick it up, chewing on the joystick thing. No, it wasn't nothing, I was thinking about how much I loved Dan, his smile, his laugh, the way he mocks people that tick him off, I thought forlornly.

"PHIL! Come on man! Let's play!" "Actually, I think I might lie down for awhile." I said, getting up off the couch in the lounge and started towards my bedroom. I could feel Dan's eyes on my back as I walked to the door. "Okay." Dan said quietly, looking away from me. I really wish he would stop worrying. I hate to see him sad or even frustrated with me. It sucks. His warm brown eyes lose their sparkle when he's sad. I can't stand to see that anymore. His dimples disappear and it's even more saddening. At least I see him smile more than frown.

I plugged my headphones into my phone as I sat down on my bed, deciding that some Fall Out Boy was much needed. I smiled when the familiar voice sounded in my ears.

I'm not a crybaby, I'm the crybaby.

I chuckled at how much I can relate to the lyrics of the one and only Patrick Stump. But then my thoughts drifted to why I'm such crybaby. My father. He was the devil, well, not litterally, but whatever. He was my personal Hell. He seemed to think that sending me messages through my dreams was funny, because he was always laughing every time he killed me before I woke up. Either he killed me, or told me about how he killed my mother. I'm not sure if he's lying or not, but I always believe him at the time. Too bad for him that I never met my mother so I have no emotional connection to her, so ha, jokes on him! Though, I can't help but wonder, did I have any siblings? And if I did, were they dead too? I wonder if Dan had a sibling. Probably not. His mom is a pretty smart woman, she wouldn't let herself get pregnant a second time. Come to think of it, where was Dan's father? I wonder if the Queen has him as a soldier.

I know that Dan's worried, and I wish I was able to hide stuff easier. Sometimes I get up at 3 in the morning and just stand in Dan's doorway, watching him sleep. He has the most innocent look on his fa-

"Phil?" My thoughts were interrupted by Dan's voice coming from the hallway, sounding worried. The last thing I wanted was for Dan to be worried.

"What?" I said in the least annoyed way possible. Though it was impossible for me to be annoyed with Dan. I hope Dan knows that. "Is something wrong?" Dan said after he creaked my door open a bit more and walked to my bedside.. Dan's duvet was still there from the night before, when he had had a nightmare and couldn't be alone. "No, just tired." Being tired was true, but for as long as I wished for Dan and me to be together, there would always be something wrong. I was completely and utterly infatuated with him. And I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to be straight, I wanted to not have a crush on Dan, but that's not my choice. Nothing seems to be my choice lately.

"Hey, don't lie to me, Phil." Was that anger? No, just agitation. But why would Dan be agitated? Surely my ears were just playing tricks on me. Phil prepared to speak, yet no matter what he did, his throat always clogged up.

"Really Dan it's nothing. I, I-I just, I"

A/N

OOOOO NEW STORY SO EXCITING. LOLZOR. Sorry, I'll let myself out. Have you ever heard of Pentatonix? They are the best EVER. But that's coming from a choir nerd, so don't trust me. OKAY I STAYED ON THE COMPUTER UNTIL 1 IN THE MORNING RE-WRITING ALL OF THE CHAPTERS THAT I'VE WRITTEN SO FAR. I'ma go now, if you don't mind.

BYE BYE