Raiza's Burden

Chapter 30 Negotiations

The morning that followed the fight seemed familiar to Raiza. Siddharth didn't return to their bed that night. She knew he had checked in on her later in the night. He thought she was sleeping, but she wasn't. He had caressed her hair and wished her "good night" in a soft whisper. Something that had never happened before. Or did it? She wondered. She never realized how much he loved her. Thinking about his confession, his possessiveness made sense. A young boy experiences loss, unable to deal with it internalizes the pain. She sighed. What is to be done she didn't know. While she understood his trauma, she needed to express her will too. She was too young a bride to have insisted on her rights, but she wasn't anymore. She was going to become a mother, and for her child's sake, she has to get things working. She showered, dressed and was ready to face Siddharth. She walked to the kitchen where Siddharth was busy cooking breakfast. She stood behind and watched him. He was stirring the soup; the fragrance of freshly made salad was mouthwatering.

"Start with the mango" he ordered in a gruff voice.

She walked behind him and hugged him. Siddharth froze. Never in their ten years of marriage after a fight had she hugged him.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

Another shock - Razia apologising was something he never expected. He turned to face her surprise visible on his face. Raiza looked at him. Not sure if he would blow up because that's what they did for ten years fight and fight more. Argue with each other trying to prove they were right, and the other was wrong. She had decided she didn't want that stress anymore. She wanted peace.

"Are you still angry?" she finally asked, breaking the silence.

Siddharth hugged her as a sigh escaped his mouth. "Well if I get to hear you say sorry like this I don't mind pretending to be upset" he joked lightening the mood.

She slapped his arms. "Remember what the doctor said about keeping me happy?"

"I know sweetheart, and I'm sorry for being an asshole last night" he apologized.

She tightened her hold around his waist. "I don't want to fight with you, but I want to clarify things between us. I will find a way to do that" she explained.

"We will work it out darling" he declared and kissed her forehead. But right now you need to eat. Come sit here I will get you the soup. It's almost ready" he moved around the kitchen fussing about the serving bowl and plates.

Raiza watched him and wondered if they had met now would things be different between them? She still wondered if this was the man who abused her mentally. He has anger, and he can get absolutely monstrous if he was in a rage. Will he change? Will he give me freedom? With a child, will it be easy to run away again? Do I want to run away anymore? I don't want my baby to miss out on a father. She was also pretty sure Siddharth will never let his child leave him. Do I want to leave him hanging and pining for his child? No! was her immediate answer. She can't do that to anyone. But How am I going to get through to him she wondered?

"You are gone again, darling" Siddharth declared snapping his fingers.

"Oh, sorry" she smiled.

Siddharth caressed her cheeks "Raiza I know things have to be worked out between us. Why are you so stressed about doing everything at once? Can't, we take it slow, so we don't get into a mad situation again?" he asked.

Raiza smiled "Ten years of complaints between the two of us will take a lifetime to sort it out Sid" she explained.

"Maybe we can wipe the past" he suggested. "start afresh."

Raiza smiled it may work for Sid, but it won't work for her. But she will find a way to get things cleared between them. She thought and started with the salads.