Wildfire

Fifty Seven

"M-Mama... Mama, is it going to hurt?" I hate to hear the trembling of my own voice as I keep my eyes closed long enough for her to smear kohl on my eyelids, the trails of which flick out like tails on either side of my eyes... But I cannot pretend like the trembling isn't there... And as I perch in his lap I know Emrys himself hears it, his face firmly nuzzled into the crook of my neck upon my mother's insistence so that he might not see the quick transformation she has thought out for my face so that I might retain at least some of the original specialness that she had had planned for what now will simply be a reutterance of our vows and the revealing of my brand to the people after quietly forcing his King Xiang away from this place for the rest of his days. 

"Having your lips and cheeks painted? Not in the slightest, My Dear." I can hear the way Mama has her lips pursed as she answers me, her avoidance of my question an answer in and of itself and likely an effort to keep my mind from spiraling as it often tends to do when left unchecked... But all it does is make me worry more... Not that I think that Emrys would ever take pleasure in causing me harm... Not that he would ever do it on purpose... But the brand... It is a burn... No matter how much love is present in its infliction. 

"No." The answer that actually soothes my nerves comes from nowhere near the direction I know my mother is currently occupying, and luckily her hands pause long enough for me to look up and find India standing hesitantly in the doorway of our innermost resting chambers, my eyes nearly recovered enough to make out his facial features enough to know that he is not necessarily smiling at me, but also that he is not frowning either as I gesture for him to join the three of us, everyone else milling about trying to make things seem as normal as possible so that the wedding itself might go undetected by King Xiang. The rest of my family will secret themselves in when the priest is called for, but until then they are all going about their business here preparing for the celebration that will be happening a few short days from now. 

The slight young man makes his way into the room flanked by not just one but both of his husbands, both of them ever vigilant with both of us in the same room, Ronin standing near the door, Kavya with his arm firmly settled around India's waste as they approach us so that I might see them better before India continues with his explanation, "As long as Emrys shows no hesitation... It will not hurt... His flames burn brightly enough to seal the wounds just as soon as they're created... As long as it is done quickly....You will feel nothing but an intense heat... And while it will be uncomfortable...After it's over... After it's over you'll feel so close to each other that you'll want to weep for days but in the happiest way possible... And then you're back will be tender for quite some time... But we all know Emrys will take excellent care of you while you heal." 

When I reach for his hand India does not hesitate to give it to me, a hesitant, "Do you swear it?" leaving my lips before I can stop them. 

And in response to my foolishness... Instead of chuckling at me and telling me not to worry myself on it... The kind scholar dips his head down while drawing my hand up so that he might press his lips against the back of it just long enough to make a statement, the repledging of his fealty in and of itself an oath of the highest kind, "I swear it. As long as Emrys acts with no hesitation in his heart when he starts you'll feel only the discomfort of the heat, and an intense closeness to him in your heart that will make all of it worth it in the end when he gathers you up to hold you after."

"I... I had not been sure how to answer... Being a runt you've always felt things so intensely... But you're a runt also, aren't you?" Mama's voice is kind as addresses the scholar I am not entirely sure she's had the pleasure of meeting yet. 

He gives her an affirmation while slipping his hand from mine and picking up the brush meant to be used to paint my lips, the two of them nodding to each other and agreeing on the appropriate shade to stain my lips, the discussion centering around my bad habit of biting my bottom lip when nervous and whether or not it might have any effect on the color by the time the day is through and the ceremony is over... And before I know it my eyes are being urged closed once again so that both of them might work on finishing my face so that Wen and my other sisters might help me step into the dressing robes that they are currently working on right at this moment so that it's embroidery might be more complete than it already is... All of them so considerate trying to preserve what this day should have been for Emrys and I both... He should not have to go without the memory of seeing me prepared for him... And I should not have to go without this bonding moment with Mama while she gets me ready to be married to the man who's call makes my heart sing... Even though our courting period is cut short... And our motivation for marrying early is not a happy one... I find myself joyful today, unable to allow King Xiang or my horrific memories of my assault ruin this for us... 

They will not ruin this for us...