Wildfire

Ninety Eight

It takes us all some time to find it within ourselves to stop flooding the crater of burned earth that will now always be tainted with Shen Hirai's death as well as his ashes with our flames and land... But even as my feet touch the ground, all of us shifting gradually until it is myself, my wife, and two men and a woman all standing near the edge of the destruction that had been so very necessary... My heart still feels heavy... 

I cannot seem to make sense of why my shoulders feel as though I have boulders weighing upon them... Even when Rayne runs to me to tuck himself against my chest to assure both of us that he is safe and no longer in harm's way... My whole body feels heavy with the weight of the events of today weighing upon my soul, my mind numb to most of the world at the moment other than the feel of Rayne in my arms and the tears on our ally's faces as they embrace each other also... All of us so tired of the day we have been forced to endure... 

...

Rayne

...

I fear if I let go of my husband he might lose himself entirely, unacknowledged tears streaming down his face as he struggles to find the will to hold me back, his eyes staring off at our companions in grief... His lips not saying a single word even as I beg him to please snap out of his trance...

As devastated as we all feel... I know we must make our way back to the palace if only to tell Papa and the others that it is now safer than it was... That the final Hirai has been reduced to less than ash and that the only thing we need to worry about now is anyone who might have secretly been their ally like Cho... 

It is not that I do not understand that my husband feels himself crumbling under all of the betrayal and pain that has befallen us today... The day we were trying to celebrate our marriage with the people of our land... The day we were meaning to celebrate in the name of finally getting Xiang off the throne so he could torment us all no longer... I would be more surprised if he was not feeling overwhelmed knowing that Shen and Xiang will never be able to interfere with our lives again after we have had to live in fear of one of them hurting me or even both of us at any given moment... I would be surprised if he were not emotional over the betrayal of Cho... The man had been like a silent father to him in so many ways that Xiang could never be with the blackened state his heart was in... To have someone so important to him turn his back on us so far that he would ask for me to be his claimed prize for aiding the jaded ex-King...  

My poor husband... It may have been me who was beaten... But I fear that it is his soul that will never recover from this... From any of it... 

...

Emrys

...

"...Darling... My Love... Please..." I can hear Rayne but I cannot seem to be able to look him in the eye... I feel as though I cannot face him knowing that twice today he threw himself at danger and both times I was unable to truly assist him... I could have lost him on top of losing everything else that has taken its toll on me today... And even the thought is too much for me to bear... "We must go... The others say that they will stay and make sure that the fire does not spread... But it is time for the two of us to go back... We are needed at the palace... I know it is-"

I find that I can manage to hold him... But not much else... His words do not make any sense to me and I cannot seem to make any of what he is saying to me actually be understood to my ears, his voice soothing if nothing more than a reminder to me that he is still here with me despite nearly losing his life so many times since coming here to be presented to me what now feels like ages ago...

My ears feel too deafened to truly understand what he is saying to me... I merely feel his warmth as he heats his body and presses in against me even tighter in order to try and force some warmth into my deadened limbs as we stand beside the pyre that will smolder long into the night marking the madness that has engulfed us all... 

...

Rayne

...

No matter what I say... I cannot seem to get Emrys to come back to himself enough to shift back... So I try and lead him into following me instead... It might take us longer to get back walking on foot in our human forms... But at least we shall make more progress than if we were to stand there beside Shen's final resting place waiting for my sweet husband to process what has happened to us this day... 

I feel so awful for being at the root of all of this irritation... If I had insisted on staying home... On staying away from the palace... None of this ever would have happened...

Emrys and I would probably never be happy separated that way and never introduced in the first place with how true our souls seem to each other... But at least I would not feel as though my hands are now stained with innocent blood... And also the blood of two very evil men... The way it had felt to scrape both of Shen's eyes out of his skull will always haunt me... The tainting nature of the action causing phantom sensation even now... As I lead Emrys step by step away from the last Hirai to ever show their face near the palace again, and the three shifters that I shall always consider close friends from this point on, the trauma we have all shared bonding us in a way that requires us not to exchange names... Only knowing looks that let me know that they know how sorry I am... And for them to know that I will do everything I can to try and ease their suffering... The suffering I never meant to cause...