raven
peeking in through the small crack, it was clear, yet equally depressing seeing dakota in that state. i'd never seen him like that at all. so emotionally vulnerable. he always seemed like the type of person who wouldn't really shed a tear no matter the situation. but what the hell, it's not my place to place society's ideas of toxic masculinity onto him.
the reason was unclear as to why he was crying, however. it couldn't have been from (y/n), could it? it didn't seem likely. i wasn't sure if i should enter or not. i simply stood there, unsure what i should've done. i probably should've left, but a part of me wanted to communicate with him. it's an important part of life. if he didn't want it, then i would leave. while, yes, he was a bit of an asshole, but if there was anything i could do to change that, i would certainly try.
i knocked on the door quietly and saw his expression change immediately. his initial reaction was quick, and he perked up and tried to clear his face. walking into the bathroom for a moment, then he walked up to the door and opened it.
"what do you want?" he asked, rather harshly. i took note of that. he was acting defensive now despite nothing happening.
"you've been crying." i stated blankly. dakota's expression softened for a moment but went back to a defensive state.
"no i haven't. where the hell did you get that from?" he said.
i scoffed, "please, your eyes are puffy, and your wrists are wet. its a method to stop your eyes from being red but you didn't have enough time."
dakota said nothing, sighing softly. "fine. so i was. so what?"
"why are you trying to hide it? its a normal thing to do."
dakota stammered a bit, trying to formulate a response to the question. "whats wrong. and be honest."
"i lost her. and myself." dakota murmured.
"yourself?"
"i don't know. that night at the bar i'm not sure what the hell was going on in my head. it was supposed to be a date. granted the bar probably wasn't the best place. but something was wrong. i wasn't feeling the same things i was when we first started dating."
"in what ways, exactly?" lord jesus i was becoming this man's personal therapist.
he stopped himself before he could say anything else. "i wasn't attracted to her as much as before. i was attracted to someone else."
"blondie at the bar?" i asked.
"no....i think i'm attracted to guys."
well that took a turn. real quick.
"does that give me an excuse to do what i did? or what i'm doing? no. no it doesn't. i just- i don't know what to do." he says.
"well, you could start by maybe not kidnapping my friend and threatening her friends? just a thought." i reply.
"i'm sorry. though i know how many times i'll say it you'll probably never believe me. i don't blame you. i don't even want your sympathy, just...understanding, i guess? though even that might be too much to ask. i've fucked up. i've fucked up so bad and i don't know if i'll ever be able to go back from that." dakota sighs, but i could hear the panic in his voice. he was terrified. genuinely fucking terrified.
"it's confusing. i know. figuring out what goes on in your head and in your heart. sometimes they don't always agree." i explained, hoping he could see where i was coming from. "figuring out your sexuality is a big thing, but it's scary. really really fucking scary. so, i do understand. maybe not 'kidnap my ex girlfriend and hold her hostage in my house' understand but....maybe half of that, i guess?"
dakota finally smiled a little, chuckling softly. "i'm sorry."
"tell you what, you let (y/n) go back to jaren, and i'll help you with this. i'll help you get through all the bullshit that your head is telling you."
dakota remained silent for a moment, but then nodded, smiling gently. "i'd...like that. i'd like that a lot, actually."
"you're welcome. in that case, should i go get (y/n)?"
"i....sure."
i sat up and turned to leave dakota's room, but he called my name one last time. "raven." he says. "tell her i'm sorry, for everything i put her through. for lying to her. she didn't deserve it. she's really a sweet girl, and i understand if she never wants to see or talk to me again. hell, i don't even care if she forgives me. i wouldn't. just...tell her that i'm sorry. okay?"
i looked at him and nodded, "i will. i promise."
i finally left dakota's room, shutting the door behind me. i stood in the hallway and allowed everything to sink in for one last time. none of it made sense. though at the same time, everything did. the shit he did was fucked up, and i doubted that (y/n) would forgive him, even after a while. hell, even i was unsure if i forgave him. but where he was coming from...it made the situation very conflicting. i sighed to myself and finally gave myself enough composure to walk back to (y/n)'s room.
i opened her door and i saw (y/n) turn her head quickly. she looked at me, confused. "raven? i thought you left ages ago." she says, mildly concerned.
"i thought so too, but change of plans. pack your stuff, we're leaving chickadee." i say softly to her.
"leaving? or escaping?"
"leaving. i talked to dakota. everything's fine, trust me."
i could tell she was having a hard time believing what i was saying. quite frankly, i didn't blame her. the poor girl was traumatized. "are you...are you sure?"
"very. come on, i'll help you." i walk over to the small closet across from her bed in the room. i gently took the clothes on her hangers and placed them onto the bed. she was now standing, although still confused. but at the same time, she didn't question the fact that she was leaving. some twenty minutes passed and we eventually had everything ready to go.
"are you sure it's okay?"
i took her hand and held it gently, "i'm sure. i'll explain everything to you when we get back home."
she nodded and took her things, putting them in the trunk of the car. after ensuring that we had everything, i started the car and drove back to the house. as we left, i saw the apartment complex get slightly smaller behind us in the rearview mirror. from the top floor, i could've sworn i saw dakota at the window. he was smiling, and not in a bad way, but in a comforting way. eventually he left and the two of us drove home, music quietly playing in the background, the sun setting and the moon rising. (y/n) let out a sigh of relief and fell asleep almost instantly. she was tired. but she was safe.
---
hi. so uh, it's been a while. i am: sorry. of course a global pandemic happened, i got broken up with....twice. lost my motivation and will to live, lost the ability to go to school. i haven't seen my friends in almost a year, and its finals week.
so, yeah. i'm trying not to kill myself.
on a sidenote, i missed u guys. and doing this. it feels good to come back. i'll try and update soulmates eventually but hey it's almost been a year since you heard from this one so why not :)
i hope you all stay safe
much love
xoxo
-liza
