Cheated and Pregnant (Editing)

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I thought he would have pushed me away harshly or not but push me away with disgust on his face if anything he pulled my closer his grip tighter than before but not bone-crushing maybe because I'm pregnant and he doesn't want to hurt me or the baby.

There was no way I could see his face with my cheek pressed against his chest. I really wanted to see his face when knowing the expression that he is wearing will help me out what is happening since I'm so confused.

What reaction was I hoping for when I confess that I killed my stepdad? Did I expect him to push me away? Then run away from me? And never return?

Did I expect him to call me a murderer? I thought he would have been disgusted by me knowing that I killed a living breathing human being.

Him holding onto me tighter like I might disappear scare me more than him pushing me away.

I've tried everything for this man to leave me alone, I tried pushing him away myself, denying his help, but it never works. Now I've confessed to my killing and he only pulls me closer as he might lose me.

I let him hold me as all thoughts are flushed out of my mind as I concentrate on the beating of his heart, his chest moving up and down with his breathing.

It could have been seconds, minutes, hours that we stood together like that with him holding me close like he's going to lose me while my fingers grip his white shirt.

Silently he guides us to the couch where we sat down. It was another minute before either of us said anything after such a revelation.

"Talk." He didn't whisper, he didn't shout but he said it with a firm voice. When I did say anything he filled the silence. "I want to hear all of it, you don't have to hide anything from me, I'm here for you do just talk."

And I did with hesitation not knowing if talking about this with my boss would be a great idea.

Hatred, anger, pity are some strong emotions that played the features of his face while I tell a story I wish every day of my life as never happened or something I was unfortunate to experience.

Like he said I told him everything, how the nightmare of my life as coming back in my life when I have buried it deep with my past self. He was more than angry hearing how Josh had treated me, of how he and my best friend cheated me.

Did I share too much? Should I have left out some of the past events? Maybe I shouldn't have told him about Josh and me? I still decided to stay after that didn't I. It was our business, a personal matter yet still I told my boss this that I haven't known for a long time when I didn't share with my ex-boyfriend my past life.

He asked for everything and I told him. "Look at me," Derek said his finger coming under my chin lifting my head up so I'm looking him in the face and not down at lap.

There was a pain in my chest, pain in my eyes, there's evidence of my sorrow as my eyes filled with unshed tears I don't want to fall because I've cried too much over this same situation.

My face might be up but I didn't make eye contact with him staring at his lips, chin, and his chest. I couldn't fool him though, he wanted me to look him directly in the eyes for whatever he had to say, using the same finger he tilts my head up more making our eyes align with each other.

His too eyes met mine and my two eyes might he making us stare each other eye to eye.

"You're the strongest woman I've ever come in contact with in my life that has the ability to live on after such an experience and start a new life for it to turn out not so good with the same end result of the other, betrayal, and to withstand all of those horrors, the terrible things that you have been through I say that you are strong..."

"...you are brave, braver than any woman I've known, and trust me I've met a lot, you should be proud of yourself Rosie," he lifts his hand the back of his hand coming in contact with my skin.

"I don't know you personally, something I wish I did years ago since you started working for me and I want to know you, this amazing woman sitting in front of me and I want to help you if you let me," he caressed my cheek never breaking eye contact with me.

I stared back unable to look away, I was trapped by his nice words, lured in by his caress on my cheek and tricked by the honesty in his eyes.

But could I trust him? Could I let another man into my life even if it's not romantically after what his gender has done to me?

Could I? Should I?

Would I be able to handle what's next to come?

A tear slipped from my eyes making its journey down my cheek but it did not get to reach its destination when it was stopped by his finger still on my cheek.

"Don't cry." More tears came when he said that. "Please don't cry Rosie, save your tears, you've cried enough," but have I cried enough. I don't think I've cried enough cause here I am still crying. "Everything's going to be okay," he continues speaking.

Don't his words taste sweet? Don't they sound sweet?

I try to compose myself by biting my lip to gain control and hold back any more tears that try to slip from my eyes.

I shake my head, I don't want to believe him, I cannot listen to him anymore not when he's talking like this like I can be saved.

I cannot be saved from all this not when he's there when I go to sleep and when I wake up. Not when I can hear is haunting laugh and how he mocks me. Not when he's in my head and I can't kill him like last time.

I won't be able to trust him, not when I fear he would become a monster like them. Not when I'm afraid. Not when he can take advantage of me in my vulnerable state.

I need to keep my baby safe. I can't risk it. It was the same comfort that he gave, the sense of security, the warmth, that same home feeling, all promises that are left in the garbage because they are useless now that they are broken.

He takes my hand in his again and I try to ignore the warmth of his hands. "Let me take care of you Rosie, I'm not looking for anything in return, I care for you, it must be hard to believe but I do, let me be there for you and your baby."

Sounds like a good deal right?

But I stayed silent. I really don't want a repeat of Josh.

"I will not leave until you tell me yes Rosie because I cannot bear to leave you alone knowing that you're going through some tough stuff."

If do not let him help me then he's not leaving and if I let him help me then he'll be leaving to return another day.

Am I ready for that for another man to be around when a month ago I was hurt by one?

Am I willing to take that risk?
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