Portrait behind bars

Einundzwanzig

Chapter 20

"Neil..." mahina kong bulalas

"I tried to divert my emotion to someone kasi akala ko hindi na ikaw. Tanggap ko namang hindi ako at hindi magiging ako. Ang hiling ko lang naman ay iparamdam mo sa akin na kasama kita kasi nanjan ka nga pero ang layo-layo mo." nakangisi niyang saad

"Oo, alam kong gusto mo si Alfonso pero alam mo yung masakit? Bakit kaibigan ko pa?" dagdag niya pa

I don't know what to say. He's confessing now without noticing his actions before. Ganun ba ako kabulag para hindi siya makita. All this time I though it was Nickie.

"I thought..." pasimula ka

"Many of you thought that too pero kayo ba ako para sabihing siya ang gusto ko? Oo minahal ko si Nickie but it doesn't mean napalitan ka sa puso ko"

"It's you and it's still you for a long time" and he bumped me before leaving the place.

Napabagsak na lang ako sa sofa. Napahilamos ang mga kamay sa mukha. Hindi ko alam bakit bigla siyang nagkakaganun. We know each other for a long time pero ngayon ko lang nakita ang side niyang ganun. He looks so hopeless. Alam ko namang lahat ng gusto niya ay nasusunod dahil nag-iisa siyang anak but I don't really know.

Until next day, I woke up with a heavy head. I've been thinking too much about happened between us. Naghilamos ako ng mukha at lumabas ng kwarto. Pagkarating sa kusina ay may nakahain ng breakfast.

"I'll fetch you before 7pm" I read the note on the table.

Itinabi ko na lang iyon at kinain ang nakahain. Matapos ang gawain ay tumambay lang ako sa veranda ng unit. I don't know what to do today. Ayaw ko namang lumabas dahil baka may masabi na naman si Neil.

I tried to paint instead pero walang pumapasok sa utak ko. Even trying to skecth something, I can't. Bigla na lang pumasok sa isip ko kung paano ako tulungan ni Alfonso noon when it comes to my arts. I know wala rin siyang alam doon but still he always make sure na nanjan siya sa tabi ko to support me.

I may sounds comparing them but I'm not. I just can't help but to think about Alfonso and our good old days. Napapangiti na lang ako habang inaalala iyon. Nakatingala sa makulimlim na kalangitan.

I heard my phone is ringing so I get it. I saw an unregistered number. Kinabahan naman agad ako sa kung sino ito. Agad na pumasok siya sa isipan ko kaya sinagot ko ang tawag.

"Hello" marahan kong saad

[Hi] sagot sa kabilang linya

Bumagsak naman ang mga braso ko sa narinig kong boses. It sounds really tired that just tried to call.

"You should take a rest" maagap kong saad

[I can take care of myself] sagot niya

"Yes, I know but I'm not there to take care of you. I'm always there for you"

[But you leave without any permission]

"I have too... Because it's mom"

[You're still afraid of her. You're young enough to be under her skirt]

"AcCckKkK!! I don't know"

[Always remember, I'm here. I'm no cape but I can be your superhero]

It touches my heart and felt the hot liquids running on my eyes. I wiped it out and answer the call.

"Thank you so much, Dad. With you, I know I'm safe"

[Just take care for me, sweety. I knoe you've been through a lot. I let you go once you turned 18 and now you're a woman. Continue striving hard, you don't have to prove anything for me. Do everything what makes you happy. I'm so proud of you"