Rental Boyfriend [NAMJIN]

Chapter 8: Feelings

Namjoon sat at the window table of his local Starbucks, watching as the autumn leaves slowly fell to the ground in process of rebirth. He sat at the table alone, Jimin had already left to meet with Hoseok and Jungkook, his new friends. Nowadays, in the cool November, Namjoon felt very alone. Jimin was at school, or dance practice, or with friends, and he found himself often feeling isolated. He knew that he had Seokjin, but he couldn't call Seokjin every single time he felt lonely, could he?

He sighed quietly and took a sip from his overly sweetened coffee. Namjoon watched as two small children played in the leaves, laughing with one another and rolling around together. The two reminded him of himself and Seokjin. It seemed as if they were meant to be. Not exactly romantically, like him and Seokjin, but platonic, like cousins.

The coffee in question was being stirred gently by Namjoon's straw, he seemed to be contemplative, not of the two children, who had already run from his line of vision, but him and Seokjin. Seokjin was an epiphany who had spiced his bland life, just as Jimin had once done.

However, the two were different epiphanies within themselves. Jimin was unconditional, Jimin was his son, and to Namjoon, he would always come first. Seokjin was someone new, someone who peaked his interest and who made him feel as if he didn't have to cover himself up. He didn't have to take care of anyone when with Seokjin, as Seokjin was the one who took care of him. Seokjin made him feel as if they should be more than friends, and that was something that terrified Namjoon. He had never been in love before, not like that.

Jimin's mother was a one-night stand, as soon as Jimin was born, she abandoned him without a second thought. It wasn't because she was too young, oh no, Namjoon was 16, she was 20 at the time. However, she abandoned him without a thought because the baby, Jimin, was Asian. Instead of white, like how she wanted. Karma served Namjoon well, he supposed, because one year later, she was hit by a car.

Namjoon had never loved anyone the way he loved Seokjin. His love for Seokjin was pure, it was in the way the two laughed when together, it was in the way they made the best of their time spent together, it was in the way that they could be true to themselves when with one another. He had spent so long editing articles which talked about love stories of suspense, surprise and coincidence, yet, this chapter that was being written of Namjoon's autobiography was nothing like that. It was forbidden, but not to a shattering expect.

His story was not that of a fanfiction in which the victim develops Stockholm Syndrome after being kidnapped, Namjoon was smart enough to know that only happened to 8% of victims of kidnapping. His story also wasn't that of roses and daisies, if it was, then why was Namjoon feeling so lonely? He also knew that his story wasn't one in which he was lonely until the cute neighbour moved in next door, if it was, then why was Seokjin so far from Namjoon, yet so close?

Namjoon judged those stories, no one had it that easy in real life, why write a book on it? He continued to stir his coffee, only stirring slightly more aggressively this time.

Of the few things he knew, one he knew for sure was that he couldn't say anything to Jimin. He loved him far too much to make such a 'risky' sacrifice. To Namjoon, Jimin came first. It didn't matter whether Seokjin was there or not, to him, love was temporary for the most part, but children were forever. Until they weren't.

He took a few more sips of his coffee and he placed it on the corner of the table. He looked to the side opposite him and the picture in his head unhelpfully supplied one serving of Seokjin.

'Seokjin should be here with me...' Namjoon couldn't help but to think of such easily dismissive thoughts.

He sighed and finished his coffee, chucking the plastic cup in the bin near him effortlessly. The dark feeling still etched in his mind as if were permanent marker.

"Ugh..." He stood up and walked out of the store, the bell on the door gently ringing as he shut it. Namjoon walked back home, and whilst he did so, he took the time to look at the atmosphere around him. He took time to stop and smell the roses, he took the time to truly appreciate his world and the beautiful nature that came accordingly.

To him, Seokjin was like a flower. Eternal beauty, even when falling, an innocence that surely isn't their own and a beautiful disposition.

'Well, fuck.' Namjoon thought. 'I was supposed to get my son through high school, not fall in love with a person I rented! Shit, what am I meant to do?" The sudden rush of knowledge had hit Namjoon, and in the worst way possible.

Once he arrived back home, he took off his shoes and went to his bedroom, laying face down onto his bed and closing his eyes.

"Why Seokjin? Why do you make me feel like this?" He sat up and looked into the mirror, and what he saw did not satisfy him.

"Why am I blushing so much? I'm a 30-year-old man! Not a 15-year-old boy who just saw porn for the first time!" Namjoon laid back down, running his hands through his hair.

"Kim Seokjin, this better be fucking worth it."

Author's Note: Hi :) how has your day been? What's one thing that made you smile?  Has anybody asked how you are recently? Just know that I care about you all, the few readers I have. <3