Rental Boyfriend [NAMJIN]

Chapter 12: Confession

Namjoon laid on his bed, his alarm clock the only source of light in the small room. Namjoon's body was splayed across the bed, his expression contorted into one of thought. He drew circles into his thigh with his index finger, not as a way to distract but rather as a way to ground himself. He heard Seokjin's words of love and care in his head, repeating themselves as if it were his new favourite song. All he could do was smile as the memories came into his head, no longer shocked by them, but rather, content with them, euphoric with their contents.

Seokjin's voice in his head was music to his ears, dulling as he heard it again and again. Not dulling from boredom, but dulling in volume, as if he were falling asleep to a lullaby. To Namjoon, Seokjin's voice itself was a lullaby, soothing and knowing in which direction it was headed. Most lullabies had definite endings, however, the two lovers themselves weren't sure of their ending.

He reached for his phone easily, turning it on and scrolling through his notifications, almost disappointed when he didn't see a text or missed call from Seokjin, though it was early in the morning. Namjoon entered his password and delicately clicked onto the call icon, searching for Seokjin's contact, in which he had labelled as 'Seokjin 💞'. Namjoon hesitated, his thumb hovering over the call button by Seokjin's contact.

Eventually, after long minutes, Namjoon pressed the button, pressing the phone to his ear. There was no automated voice telling him to leave a message, but Namjoon figured that the call either automatically answered or Seokjin accidentally accepted, half asleep. Namjoon could only hear his own heavy breathing, so he assumed that there was no one on the other side of the line. He curled up in his bed, phone on his right ear, and began to speak.

"I have a few things I need to say. I understand that you may or may not be listening, but I just want to say this." Namjoon's breathing remained heavy, and his voice lowered, as if to remain quiet, so a certain teenage couldn't hear the words he was about to speak.

"Jimin will always be my first priority, he has been with me for the entirety of my adulthood and some of my teenage years. Jimin is still a child, if this shall get in the way of my parental duties, then I will always be on his side. Jimin's mother left him because he was Asian like me, instead of white like her. I took him in at sixteen, I chose him at sixteen, I sacrificed my family and my current life for him at sixteen." The fire still burned in Namjoon's heart to even think about it, let alone speak of it. The memory in question had occurred well over 10 years ago, but his blood still boiled. How anyone could leave a child because of their race, Namjoon did not know. How anyone could abandon a newborn baby with a teenager for the sake of physical appeal, Namjoon did not know either.

"This is the happiest I've ever been, and I would give anything to have the both of you in my life. You and I have this spark, have you felt it as well? I want that spark to burn forever, to burn all around it." Namjoon smiled softly at the mention of knowing that Seokjin loved him too. His dimples glowed, even in the glaring light of the alarm clock, for his love with Seokjin, was one of purity. Not of innocence; but of complication, but of determination for truth.

Namjoon and Seokjin's love always had been one of complication, misunderstanding and blurring black and white. There was a line between lie and truth, this, Namjoon knew. Many times, the two lovers had danced between the line, which was slowly becoming more blurred as the rain of chemistry and memory poured onto them. Namjoon didn't care which side he was on, for both sides to him held the same contents.

"I love you... but you and I both know that love isn't only a feeling that forces you to be entirely euphoric. You and I both know that love is meant to be happy, even if there are restrictions or people holding us back." He scowled slightly as he remembered the reason Seokjin was there. Business. For money and riches.

"There's your job, and perhaps Jimin, but I don't care for restrictions as I used to, I don't care for barriers as I used to. It has been a long time since I have made a significant decision for myself. But I think that this time... I need to make myself happy. But in order to do that... I want you with me. Together. I would like to cross the line between fantasy and reality if that makes sense. The line became blurred long ago, but suddenly it's becoming clearer. And I know you can see it too. You can see the love we share."

On the other side of the line, Seokjin wore a grin of relief. Relief, for Namjoon was the one to pick up the phone, for Namjoon was the one to come back once he ran away, for Namjoon was the one who made the first move, as if it were a game of chess. Seokjin was no coward, no, however, he needed reassurance. Seokjin had made all of the first moves... almost all... except for the most important move yet.

"I can see it." Namjoon smiled beautifully when he heard Seokjin's voice and chuckled quietly. He was not shocked, nor pretending, but he was delighted. Delighted that Seokjin answered, that Seokjin had allowed him to make the first move.

"I love you too Namjoon. What will we tell Jimin?" Seokjin understood Jimin's importance to Namjoon, whilst he had never been a parent, and couldn't sympathise with Namjoon, he saw Namjoon's love. He saw the utter devotion towards his child, he saw the sacrifices Namjoon had made, and figured that he deserved to be happy, even if Seokjin wasn't the judge to all of Namjoon's emotions.

"We'll tell him we're just friends, and that we haven't talked about the 'love' thing. I don't want to get his hopes up... Jimin gets hurt easily." Seokjin nodded on the other side of the line, and Namjoon could sense it, even though he didn't see it.

"Talk me to sleep, yeah?" So, the two talked, they bickered, they laughed, they sent absurd images and they serenaded, for hours, they kept each other's company, but not as friends, now as lovers. Namjoon eventually fell asleep to the lull of Seokjin's voice, keeping the other line silent for a while.

Seokjin hung up when he heard quiet snores, figuring he could talk to Namjoon later that day.

"I love you." He whispered to the phone, shutting it off and placing it on his bedside table. Seokjin ran a hand through his hair and laid onto the bed lazily, smiling with the same effort.

His emotions were clouded by love and euphoria, it was the happiest he had ever been. Seokjin closed his eyes and imagined Namjoon with him, imagined Namjoon's warm body against his own. It was then that he fell asleep, hoping that the next few hours would come quicker than he would be able to say "sunrise".

Author's Note: We are officially halfway through the story! 13 chapters left everyone! 💞
It has also been 1 month and 4 days since I started this story, I can't believe I'm halfway already! I'll try to get the other half done as quickly as possible, so I can write more stories in the future. Also, read Singularity Cafe, thank you! (shameless self promo)