The Alpha Calls Me Kitten

Chapter Eighteen: Sir Bastardious

My mind buzzed with nonstop thoughts all night. I could not sleep as I thought about what had been said at the park.

I had lied to everyone, including myself. That girl was not me. I thought the girl I was died years ago when in all honesty she never really left. I was just trying to hide it, and it took two brothers to understand that.

From the moment I met Riley and Greyson, my whole set of mind changed. I started caring of what other people thought, what they would say. I worried about my appearance, my personality. I was that same girl who I thought left about four years ago, but no. The only things that changed were the scars that lay across my eye.

I didn't want to do what I planned on doing, but I knew I had too.

I hadn't slept at all. My eyes burned from sleep deprivation, and I knew that it was partially because I didn't sleep in the same room as Greyson. I scoffed at the thought, but didn't deny it.

I didn't feel any urge to get ready. I slipped on a pair of light-wash jeans and a sweatshirt. Then, I grabbed a pair of boots and tucked the pants into them. I ran to the bathroom and threw my hair into a messy bun. My eyes were red and they had bags under them. I shrugged it off and brushed my teeth and put on deodorant.

I didn't feel hungry. I actuallty felt sick to my stomache. I wasn't sure if what I was about to do was the best thing for my health, but oh well. Something inside of me told me that this was the first step to actually being happy again.

I didn't wait for Greyson like he would usually make me do so he could take me to school. Instead, I grabbed my bookbag and my own keys and got into my own car and drove to school myself.

The ride seemed too short. It seemed like I had gotten there in half the time than usual. My palms were sweaty, and I was nervous. I'll admit that. I was freaking out. I wasn't scared of what was about to happen, I was scared of what could happen if I got angry. I never did have good self control.

I stepped out of the car and let out a long breath as I stared at the school. I hadn't seen Andrew since everything went down with my parents, well, our parents. My mom told me that they never told Andrew about me. They took down all of the pictures, locked the door to my room, and completely removed me after a year of not finding me. They said they figured I were dead. The constant thought of having me around drove my mom insane. She kept everything, but having it all on display was a constant reminder of their only daughter who had left them. She couldn't handle the pain.

I really wanted to see Andrew right now, just to talk to him, but I had other things that needed to be done.

I walked straight into the highschool only I looked at it differently. As I walked the halls with my head hung low, I could see the different sides of people. The one usually annoyingly happy, prep girl could barely look in the direction of her exboyfriend without shedding a tear. Our hockey team mvp trying to hide the little cuts on his wrists. The highschool's 'slut' watching the president of the calculas club in a way that could not be described in words. Her eyes were so full of love and sadness that it actually hurt me.

I guess we are all fighting our own battles. It just took everything that I loved to become everything I lost for me to realize it, though. That's the sad part.

I continued walking the halls with the same pained feeling. I was so selfish. I was just as bad as everyone in this school, maybe even worse. I acted like I was the only one with problems, and they were worse than anyone else's when in reality, they were just as bad as everyone else's. I just refused to let anyone in and understand them, to help me.

My thinking was interrupted when I ran into someone. I gasped as I heard an annoyed whine.

"Eh, watch!" Mariah yelled at me. She started walking away, but I needed answers from her. I ran down the hall to catch up with her as her grey converse thudded against the floor.