The Forces Against Our Love. |Jim X Reader|

Grown To Be Lost And Empty..

Its been a long time since ive updated this book. I have 2 other full chapters after this one ill post at another time. I suggest while reading this chapter you listen to the song above to the vibes of this chapter. Its quite sad and emotionless. I wrote this with the intent of feeling totally empty and broken down. If you lay in bed completely relaxing, you'll really feel the affects of this chapter. After I wrote this I was in such a weird mood. I felt like half of me literally died and was so sad for no reason lol.
Thanks for sticking around to read again, I really appreciate it:)
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Your POV

Days, no, months began to pass where we hadn't come in contact with any humans but Toby and Claire. Mine and Jim's mothers were taken care of by Claire's mom. Toby's family too.. The events couldn't be explained with the truth, they assumed lightning struck all four houses at the same time or that or someone did this on purpose.. They don't have leads obviously..
Our mothers have been worried.. Claire said they even began getting depressed and sick because of it.. I hadnt gotten much better either. I could move on my own perfectly like before but I always had that constant pain that blocked out everything else. I couldnt feel anything but that.. Jim and I have been trying to come up with a plan to kill Aku but it was hard.. Merlin was doing his own thing and ran off far from us long ago.. Things have been very hard on the trolls.. Not to mention that I barely ate a thing. I still couldn't get used to troll life.. I was quickly locked up for the safety of the other trolls. Only Jim, blinky, and arrrgh visited me, the others were too scared. I was placed in the sewers with nothing to do all day and night.. Over these months, Aku has continued torturing my mind. Shes trying to convince me to kill myself so the amulet would be passed to another who would actually do the job they were intended to do. She has full control over me yet she hasn't killed me yet.. it makes me wonder if she actually has the power to kill me..
We began to travel though after those months. We walked all the way to New Jersey to a new heart stone so the trolls could survive in peace. I was chained to Jim the whole time because the others still were terrifed of me.. i would be scared of me too..
Once arriving at the empty heart stone, the trolls began rebuilding their market while i was placed in the deepest dungeon they could find.. Jim didn't have any choice but to follow their word, neither did i.. its dark and scary down here.. the put me in a tight cage and dropped me over the side of the cliff, just hanging by a few chains.. ive only been up 3 times from that deep dark.. I only saw jim once.. I hadnt eaten for a months by then.. Not only was I still disgusted by what we had to eat but i just didn't feel like it. I was slowly killing myself. Trolls wouldn't die so easliey from starvation but im half human.. being in the dark for another few months alone made me tired and unmotivated. I still continued to stave myself till it got to the point where I was in pain. It wasn't like I was offered any meals either though. I was always alone.. They found me one day passed and wouldn't respond so they took me out for the first time since arriving here.. I woke up outside the new troll market in front of the opened door.. jim stood alone while angry screaming was behind him.. He told me to go with a smile.. then the foor shut.
So I went on my way without him.. he saved me from thst cage but now im left a lone again.. It was the first time I had seen moon light for months.. maybe it was a year by now.. i wasn't able to keep track of the time..
It was weeks after I left the new heart stone and hid for myself everyday in the forests before someone found me.. Aku.. i didn't have the will to fight back.. I was broken down after losing all my family and friends.. i was just a being walking around till I eventually died from something.. i really tied to stay alive so my amulet wouldn't be passed on to another poor soul though.. as long as i lived they'd be safe..
"You poor child.." Aku said as she stepped out from the shade of the trees and into the sun where i couldn't go.
"Leave me alone.." i muttered and didnt have the strength to get up. I stayed laying on the forest floor.
"You were locked away for years.. Youre so weak, daughter.." She said as she slowly walked to me.
"Years?.. Has it really been that long?.." i muttered and kept my eyes shut. But I thought it was only a few months..
"8 years have passed by.. Why did you choose to stay locked away?.." She asked as she kneeled behind my head. She gently raised my head to rest on her lap and I just let her. She could kill me now for all I care.. but i don't think she can..
"My mom must miss me still.." i muttered and felt strangely at peace. The sound of the wind and having the comfort to talk to someone, even if shes the reason this has all happened, it makes me feel.. like I can rest..
"Shes moved on with her life.. She married a new man years ago to help grieve lossing you to the trolls.." she spoke as she lightly brushed my hair. Bits of feeling had began to come back but only because she was touching me.. this must be a curse.. no one but her can touch me and ill actually feel it.. its so comforting though.. she feels warm..
"Good.. She should be happy with him..." i muttered as my body completely relaxed.
"You havent been treating this new body well.. i could make you human again if youd like.." She spoke softly. It's a trap.. but i want to go back so bad..
"Its too late.. No one loves me anymore.. Im only living so you wont kill the ones i still love.." i muttered slowly and began to confess what ive been thinking.
"What if i promised their safety in the new world? I would bring you with me as a human.. You wouldn't have to experience this pain alone anymore.." She said as she kept lightly brushing my hair back.
"Its your fault for creating this amulet.. Merlin never cheated on you.. it was Morgana's plan to fool you.." i muttered as the wamth consumed me. I feel like im sunbathing but im not burning up.. Im okay..
"I know.. The new world is still ahead of us though.. Merlin is no more at last.. We will live through the fire together.." She said as i slowly opened my eyes. The fire.. no wonder im so hot.. Everything is burning around us but we're protected. "I will heal your body. I will give you back the taste buds of your human past. I will give you strength.." she said as i shut my eyes again.
"I cant.. Its not fair.." i muttered.
"Not fair to that other half troll you loved? He locked you away for years and years in the darkness alone without a care for you. He never let you out till you were on your death bed then kicked you out himself to fend for yourself.." She said with hate in her tone.
"I still love him.." i muttered as the painful thought of mine and Jim's past entered my mind. Our lives together were complicated but good till things changed again..
"Youll never see Jim again.." She told me and kept stroking my hair down.
"Oh well.. ill still love him.." i mumbled as i opened my eyes and watched the fire keep burning this beautiful forest.. why arent I burning too?.. i don't know..
"Youve never lost touch of your human side.. i can take you back.." She told me again.
"No.. id be nice to have ice cream again though.. its hot.." i muttered.
"You do not have a human tongue anymore.. your stomach can't digest that food.." she told me but all her words sound like fuzz.
"Yeah.." i mumbled watching everything crumbled but the circle of land around me and Aku.
"Will you come with me?.. We'll travel the world and watch it change together.." she asked kindly.
"8 years ago I gave you that answer.. no.." i mumbled before a sudden headache pained me but i didn't flinch at all. Aku wont persuade me with pain.
"Youve lost all spirit after those years being locked away.." she mumbled.
"I told you.. Im only living to keep this amulet.. it makes me wonder why you haven't killed me yet.." i said as i shut my eyes again.
"Fire!.." voices rang in the background.
"We must go before those humans find us.." Aku told me and slowly stood up, leaving me alone again. All feeling faded as soon as she left.
"Let them find me.." i said as i kept my eyes shut.
"You must be aware of the things they'll do to you.." she warned me as she took a step back.
"They can't kill a stone monster.. their needles will break.." i mumbled letting out a soft sigh.
"Ill be back to meet you again soon, child.. I wish you the best until I return.." she said as her presences faded away so quickly.
"Someones in there!" Screaming filled my ears.. it was humans talking.. none I ever heard of..
I let myself fall asleep during the midst of the commotion and just let whatever happened, happen.
I woke up in this weird chamber later. I felt the same as before dispite the long rest.. There were scientists around. They wore long white coats and goggles. None of them saw me wake up though. It looks like im the only unexplained being here.. i looked down at the door. There wasn't a handle so I just kind of kicked it a little. The door fell off its hinges and fog surrounded me. Were they trying to freeze my body? I couldn't feel it..
"Sh-Shes escaped!" Someone screamed as i looked around. Guns were pointed at me from every direction and people looked terrifed.
"Get down on your knees monster!" A man shouted and aimed this really big gun at me. I wonder what it does? It doesn't look like one humans made.. Well, I suppose i have been in prison for 8 years..
"Rawr.." i said with a blank stare and hoped to scare them. No one even flinched, they just looked confused before keeping a harder eye on me.
"Why were you found sleeping inside a burning forest? Why were you being protected and how?" Another man shouted and stepped forward.
Should i talk to them? Maybe if i just kept quiet I could mess with them a little. I havent been able to play around for years, maybe i could get a laugh out of these guys.
"Speak!" Another screamed as one of their guns charged up.
I tilted my head at the sound and looked at that gun in particular. Suddenly everyones charged up and made the same sounds. I looked around in wonder about everything. I could have some fun now that I'm free.. All i have to do is live, no one said I couldn't cause trouble..
I slowly sat down criss cross in my spot and looked up at everyone. I looked at one lady who was holding a gun pointed at my head. Slowly, i began to reach out my arm. I tried not to alarm anyone. I pointed at the gun then opened my palm and smiled a little.
"The gun?.." she muttered in shock.
"Dont fall for it's tricks!" Someone shouted. It's?.. Don't I still look like a girl?.. Did I change?..
I looked around again, this time for a mirror.. i spotted some sort of makeup thing over on that desk way far behind these people.. I really want to see now..
I slowly rose to my feet again and kept my hands opened and down by my sides so I wouldnt make them nervous. I took my first step but immediately got yelled at.
"Stop! Don't move or we'll shoot!" Someone screamed. I looked down wondering what to do.. I looked back up then pointed at that desk. Everyones heads turned.
"Ms. Lilly.. isnt that your desk?.." A man asked and looked to the woman.
"What could it want there?.." the woman responded. It.. maybe i don't resemble my human self anymore..
"Speak, what is it that you want!" The other man shouted to me. I smiled a little and pointed back at the desk again. Maybe ill stay quiet then surprise them later.
"Maybe it cant speak our language.." lilly muttered. "Come with me, show me what it is you want" she said and made a little hole for me to pass by with. Theyre scared of me, I knew that from the very beginning years ago..
I slowly walked in front of Lilly then stopped in front of her desk and pointed at the small rounded makeup case.
"This?.." she asked and picked it up. I nodded to her and held out my hand. "What do you want with it?.." She asked in genuine wonder.
"Maybe it likes wearing makeup.." a dude behind me laughed and made the others laugh too. I rolled my eyes at that comment, only Lilly could see it. She was shocked at my response. Lilly opened the little compact for me then put it carefully in my hand. I didnt move till she felt she was at a safe distance again. I slowly raised the mirror to my face and saw.. Something weird.. I looked the same but.. grown up?.. I dont feel like I've grown older, I thought I was only there for a few months.. But i look like an adult.. has 8 years really passed?..
I looked back to Lilly and pointed at the mirror then used my hands to try and tell her I needed a bigger mirror.
"She wants.. A bigger one?.." Lilly said in wonder as she looked at me.
"That thing wants to look in a mirror? Something as hideous as that can stand to look at itself?" Someone said from behind me. Hideous.. Thats what I thought too.. Jim and the others said I was beautiful.. But my skin isnt pure white anymore.. Its grown darker..
"Come with me. I'll take her to find one" lilly is called me 'her'. I must still look feminine somehow then.
"Her? A stone monster?" A man from behind called.
"I think shes kinda cute" one of the guys joked and got a laugh out of the others as i rolled my eyes and felt a little disgusted.
"Lets go.. Ill help you find one.." Lilly said to me with a smile her coworkers couldn't see. I nodded and began to slowly follow her. She lead me out of this big room and walked me down these military hallways. There were other staff joking about how i might kill lilly and they didn't even care.. they completely left her. "Its right in here.. its not exactly a mirror but it should do" she told me as she stopped next to this wall of something that was like mirrors. I got a long look at myself. My face had began to turn black in some areas and my hands were doing the same. Maybe thats what being kept in the dark happens to a troll like me.. "You look surprised by your appearance.. It makes me wonder if you were turned into this being.." Lilliy told me, "and you're so friendly.. youre not even scared.. And you understand everything we say. You react like a human would.." she continued in thought as she stared at me.
It looks like my body aged as well.. i look more mature like an adult.. I suppose my half human side will kill me of old age one day.. My hair is long as well.. 8 years longer.. It almost feels like it was when I was human..
I sort of wanted to talk to this woman. She's kind to me and she's not that scared which is nice.. i can't talk yet though.. i should grow connections and figure out what I'm doing here.
"Youre in area 51 right now.. I dont know if you-" she began but i stopped her. My mouth opened wide and I felt so surprised. I traveled from New Jersey to area 51 while I was asleep? Thats so cool! "You.. You know of this place?.." she asked and took a step back. I looked away after realizing my reaction. I cant tell them about anything yet.. Although.. I wonder if they could help me figure out who I am right now.. I looked around before seeing an empty desk. I walked over to it and took a pen and paper. I accidently snapped the first pen though so I had to retry. I wrote my full name on the paper without any context and handed it back to the woman.
"Y/n.. Who is this?.. Is this your name?" She asked and looked up at me in wonder. I shook my head no then took back the paper and wrote 'whats the date?' instead. She was surprised by my English and writting skills.
"I-Its August 23rd, 2028.." she said and looked a little shocked. I stopped for a minute and had to count how old I was. My birthday is coming up again so.. Ill really be 25 this year.. Aku didnt lie.. it really has been 8 years.. Maybe more..? I cant remember what year it was when I left.. my life doesn't matter though anymore. Maybe I could just stay here till Aku finds me in another decade.
"What are you counting for?.." Lilly asked in wonder.
"How old I am now" i wrote on the paper.
"How old are you?.." she asked in wonder. I smirked and shrugged my shoulders at her. "Well, why didn't you know before? Why were you alone in a burning forest in New Jersey?" She asked and was truly just curious but I didnt want to tell her everything now.
"Ill say with time" i wrote and put the pen down then walked back to the mirror.
"With time?.. did you want to be here?" She asked and walked back to me. I shrugged at that question too. "So you wont tell me anything.. Do you have a gender or do other creatures like you not have one?" She asked as i turned to face her again. I raced my hand through my hair to give her a hint without saying it but I guess everyone might have long hair now. So I pointed to my chest next. "Female" she nodded and understood. I nodded back. "So.. You can talk but you choose not to?.." She asked and began to get a little more comfortable. I nodded yes as I turned around and looked at my back side. Look at that! My butt grew after being so lazy for years! "You can talk to me you know but i understand of you dont want to.. but i have a question" she said as i looked back to her. "You said 'rawr' ealier.. Was that just a prank?" She asked. Finally someone caught on. I covered my mouth to hide my smile and nodded yes. "So you have humor then" she giggled and put her hands on her hips. "Listen, ill find you a room to stay in unless you prefer an outdoors environment" she said with a smile. I pointed to the floor to say I wanted to be inside. "Indoors" she nodded and smiled. "Come with me then, oh, but I have to put these handcuffs on you but I won't make them hurt" she said as she pulled out these really cool things. It was part metal but the other part was like.. I dont know, magic? What is holding the cuffs together?
She began to lead me out the room where we were met with this old guy.. he saluted the girl before looking me up and down. I grinned looking at the man which only made him a little nervous.
"Where in the world did you find this thing?" He asked lilly. He looks like a military guy.
"Sir, she was found in the middle of a burning forest, sir" lilly reported while saluting.
"She?" He raised an eyebrow at me. I looked down at my chest then back to him. "Huh, I see.." he looked back to lilly with a shrug. "Where are you taking this young lady then?" He asked. I look young still? Thats quite the compliment for a stone woman.
"I was going to find her a room to stay in, sir." She answered.
"Let me take care of her. Its not the first time I've met a troll before" he chuckled and shook his head. I narrowed my eyes in confusion. Are there others here? "Dont worry, I wont hurt you" he chuckled and took the hand cuffs off me. "Get back to work now, private" he told lilly. She looked at me with a little worry before taking her leave. "You and i will talk somewhere private. We have lots to discuss, Moon Hunter" he addressed me by my title.. How does he know about it?..
I slowly followed behind him and tried to act my best. Many people stopped and stared at me in wonder and fear but this older man shooed them off. He ended up taking me to this office filled with random things I had never seen before, it was most just militaryawards too. He took a seat behind his desk then offered me the large chair where I could sit.. but i didn't fit so I stood up.
"I didnt imagine I'd find someone as important as you whineding up here" he sighed and took off his hat. I guess i am important.. If i died so would everyone else. Their lives depend upon mine for survival.. "Your friends and family have worried for you a great deal these past years. I only came in contact with them because of this alien incident years ago" he sighed and rubbed his forehead. Alien?.. "Its safe to speak too. Theres not microphones or cameras in here" he said as i thought about things. "Your real name is Y/n Moon and currently you're close to reaching 25 or 26, right?" I asked as he typed on his computer.
"How did you find my family?.." I asked quietly as I stood in wonder and fear.
"You see, the year you left there was aliens who invaded earth and stuff. These trolls came to help and thats how i met them along with a kid named Toby riding on the back of one" he told me and looked at me after taking off his reading glasses.
"I see.. What kind of aliens are you talking about?.." i asked and felt a little surprised by the sound of my own voice. I sound mature too..
"Not the Mexican kind" he laughed harder than expected, "Real aliens who came from space. One of them still lives somewhere around here and another is dating some kid from your old high school years" he laughed to me. Thats insane.. "Your mother has been looking for you and that other boy for almost a decade.. What happened?" He asked as memories flooded back. Memories.. Why did it all feel like a blur before now? I was much more numb to everything before coming here.. I havent talked to anyone besides Aku for years. Even after Jim pulled me out of that cage.. I didnt say a word.. he looked so grown up though.. his voice changed too.. Did he set me aside?.. Did he not want to deal with me anymore? Did he lose his love for me?.. Its been 8 years since ive talked to him.. He mustve lost it.. But why do I still feel for him.. "Y/n, dont think too hard or you'll pass out.." He told me as he stood up. "Go sit down on that couch, ill come to you and listen" he said as i slowly walked back to that couch. Its big enough for me at least.. The man pulled up a chair and sat in front of me. "Now tell me why you ran away.." he said and looked a bit more serious.
"The trolls.. They needed a new home.. They didn't trust me. Aku came.. they were scared she'd control me so I was locked away.. We moved to the new heartstone and I was imprisoned deep underground in the dark.. I thought it was only a few months till.." i muttered as I really thought about things. Thats not true.. It did feel like years some times.. i was so scared..
"Wait, they locked you up?.. Why in the world would they do that to the Moon Hunter? Who is Aku?" He asked and leaned closer in confusion.
"Aku is the bad guy in this story.. Im the bad guy as well.. in the early days I realized that i was on the wrong side and was being tricked so I joined the Troll Hunters team.. Aku had come back and wanted revenge on merlin for some stupid love thing.." i began in thought.
"Love.. it always leads to conflicts.." he grumbled. Jim.. what about us?.. Did you discard me and toss me out long before I left the new heart stone?
"She took complete control over me.. Still still has me.. I cannot feel anyone's touch or any temperatures.. I cant feel anything.." i muttered as i lowered my head.
"When did that happen?.." he asked and stared right at me.
"When i was 16.. then we left.. the trolls locked me up and the Troll Hunter went with it.. Ive spent years in pitch black.. i didnt even realize how much time had passed before Aku found me again.." i muttered as i looked at the dark ares on my skin.
"She found you? In the forest? Why were you there?" He asked and leaned forward.
"I made myself sick.. I didnt eat anything or do anything for who knows how long.. i woke up outside the door to the new troll market. The Troll Hunter stood in front of me and told me to go while the other trolls were screaming in anger.. thats why I was in the forest.." i said as my heart began to ache. Jim doesn't care about me anymore.. He just needed to get rid of me..
"Aku mustve set the fire then, right?.." he asked before I nodded yes to his question. "You let them bring you here.. what are you trying to do?.." He asked and leaned back in his chair.
"I have to live so this world won't end.. Aku plans to create a new world but first life must die.. If i stay alive, she can't do anything big.." i muttered as i put my head in my hands.
"Y/n, can I asked you something?.." he asked with a sigh. "Why don't you let yourself die? Why don't you save your own life before you hurt yourself more?" He asked me seriously.
"I don't have anything else to live for.. Ive realized the troll hunter has forgotten about me.. If i can't live for myself than ill live for the humans who can't fight back.." i answered as memories of Jim and I being together flashed fresh in my mind. I wish i was back with him as a child again.. Maybe he found new love with a real troll, maybe he just wanted to be alone and drop me off the side of the earth..
"Your mother said you'd be fine if you had that boy.. Jim, was it?" He asked. Even the sound of his name hurts.. I cant listen to it.. "She said he would protect you. She said the two of you were in love.." He said and keep pushing it..
"He left me in that cage alone for almost a decade.. He doesnt love me.. He threw me out.." i muttered and suddenly felt.. sad.. I havent felt anything for so long till now.
"Did he not trust you?.." he asked in confusion.
"I dont know.. I was possessed too many times for him not to not trust me.." i answered and kept my head in my hands.
"Then why haven't you gotten revenge like that other lady?" He asked as i let out a sigh.
"Because my love hasn't faded.. Maybe i am still a teenager.." i muttered as i looked at my palms. Im still just a monster..
"I wouldnt blame you if you felt like that.. You said those years felt like months in the dark. Dont be too hard on yourself, young lady" he chuckled and stood up from his chair. "Toby and Claire.. Wanna find one of them first or see your mother?" He asked as i thought about it. Mom has a new life.. Arrrgh is still with toby though and claire must be near him..
"Toby and Claire.. where do they live now?.." i muttered and slowled looked down again.
"Arcadia still. Ill write the addresses for you, your mothers as well" he said with a smile as he began writting. "Ill give you a lift to town by night fall. Theyll be happy to see you again" he said smiling and handed me the note.. theyre all the same old adresses.. their houses mustve been rebuilt..
"Thank you.." i nodded to him.

I guess I'm coming home now..