The Universe and Beyond

Epilogue

ZEN

The rain softly taps on my window. It's been a month since I last saw Rozend and summer is really over. Wala kaming balita sa pamilya nila. Wala kaming alam tungkol sa kalagayan ni Rozend ngayon. I miss Rozend so much but my life must go on. My life won't stop even though he's not around. My orbit isn't dependent on him even if I wanted to.

I also enrolled in Bachelor of Fine Arts, major in Painting.

I didn't choose this because Rozend is pushing me to do it but I just discover that Rozend is right. Painting is my way of breathing. This is where I belong. I can transform pain and grief into something beautiful. I can give new meaning to everything. Even if I'm not good at speaking, my paintings can speak for me. I can recreate things through my own perspective and no one can invalidate it. I can create something beautiful and honest.

And I feel like Rozend is living inside me now. His heart will always be with me. His love for arts will always be in my heart. He taught me how to love art.

Nakarinig ako ng katok sa pinto ng silid ko. "Zen, may bisita ka," saad ni Mama nang buksan niya ang pinto.

Agad akong tumayo at naglakad sa pinto. I'm not sure but my heart is full of hope that my visitor is Rozend. It should be him, right? I don't expect anyone to come here anyway.

Nang buksan ni Mama nang tuluyan ang pinto, tumambad ang nakangiting mukha ni Shanty. I feel like I want to cry but I bite my lips to stop myself.

"Hi," nakangiting bati ni Shanty. "Can I come in? To talk?"

"Baba muna ako. Mag-uusap lang kami ni Rina," saad ni Mama habang malambot na nakatingin sa 'kin.

Marahan akong tumango kahit natatakot ako sa sasabihin ni Shanty. Hinayaan kong pumasok si Shanty sa silid ko. She scans my room in silent awe. Isinara ko ang pinto at saka ko lang napansin ang dala niyang paperbag at isang painting na nakabalot sa dyaryo.

"Wow! This is so interstellar!" saad niya na puno ng pagkamangha. Napangiti ako dahil pareho lang sila ng reaksiyon ng kapatid niya. She touches the Northern Lights as if she's mesmerized. "This Northern Lights is so beautiful."

"Rozend helped me in that one," mahinang saad ko. Natigilan si Shanty dahil sa sinabi ko at malungkot na ngumiti.

Napansin ni Shanty ang painting ni Rozend habang tumutugtog ng gitara. "My brother is so amazing, isn't he?" mahinang tanong niya. "I'm so proud of him."

"Yes. He is. Definitely amazing and talented," I agree. "Kumusta na siya?" nag-aalangang tanong ko.

Shanty turns to me with a small smile. "He's definitely happy now. With the stars."

Hindi ko nakontrol ang pagpatak ng luha ko. The sun sets and will never rise again. The pain in my heart advances in a new level. The pain is tearing me apart, shattering me into pieces. And I'm not really sure if I can be whole again. "I'm... I'm sorry to hear that."

"No. It's alright. We're actually sorry as well, Zen. Sorry we didn't tell you about his condition. People are really selfish beings, aren't they? We moved here because he wanted to start anew. Without anyone knowing his sickness. Where no one will pity his condition. Where no one will treat him as fragile and weak. He wanted to be normal even for a short while. He wanted to spend his remaining time with arts. And we're actually thankful that he meets you here. His stay here is worthwhile because of you. And he left something for you, Zen. Because he said you're his favorite person – his special one."

Ipinatong niya ang paperbag at painting sa ibabaw ng maliit na mesa. "This is for you."

Lumapit siya sa 'kin at marahang pinunasan ang luha sa pisngi ko. "Don't cry. We will move on from this. We will move on from the pain. We will move on from this darkness and find new light."