The Girl who Lived

44. The Specter

“I miss you, anak,” bulong ni Papa pagkatapos naming kumalas mula sa pagkakayakap sa isa’t isa.

Nasa loob kami ngayon ng cabin na nakareserba para sa kanya. This sophisticated room was located on the upper deck so we only have to take a few steps to get in here from the helipad. But even though we were finally away from the prying eyes of others, I still can’t brush off the paranoia that I was feeling.

Papa looked older. Compared to his portraits that I always see at the mansion, his body seemed to be thinner. Pumayat talaga siya nang husto. His ginger hair also lost its natural glow and a dull luster replaced it instead.

Kahit pilitin niyang ngumiti ay hindi no'n naitago ang tamlay sa kanyang mga mata. My father looked drained to the core and I can’t help not to worry for him.

But I'm still shaken about the memory that I had seen. Right now, I can't stop questioning my true identity. Sino nga ba ako? Am I Amity or Lanie?

Pero kahit ano man ang maging kasagutan sa tanong ko ay hindi no'n mababago ang katotohanang anak pa rin ako ni Papa. And as her daughter, it's natural for me to be concerned about his health now that he clearly doesn’t look fine.

“Okay ka lang po ba, Papa? Are you sick?” nag-aalala kong tanong sa kanya habang pinupuwesto ko ang aking kamay sa ilalim ng kanyang baba.

My father chuckled before he gently removed my hand from his chin. His touch made it possible for me absorb his current emotion. Napakalungkot ni Papa at parang may mabigat siyang pinapasan ngayon.

Nang magtama ang mga mata namin ay nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa loob ng aking dibdib. My father looked downhearted but that didn’t hide how kind his eyes were.

“Don’t worry about me, Amity. Pagod lang si Papa sa biyahe. But rest assured, I’ll be back in shape later.” Tumango naman ako para sabihing nauunawaan ko siya.

“Sige po, Papa. Maiwan ko muna kayo. Magpahinga po kayo ng mabuti,” bilin ko habang tinatahak na ang daan palabas. But I looked back when my father gripped my hand. I melted once again because of how sad he was. Umiinit na ang sulok ng mga mata ko pero pinilit kong huwag maiyak. Ayaw kong mag-alala pa sa akin si Papa.

“I’m sorry, anak, sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko bilang tatay mo. I tried my best to be a good parent but my work got in the way. But I’m happy because you still grew into a fine young lady.”

May isang luhang lumandas sa aking pisngi pagkatapos. Naging emosyonal na rin ako dahil tagos sa puso ang lahat ng sinabi ni Papa. Even though the possibility that I’m not Amity remains, I’m still grateful because I finally felt the fatherly love that I had yearned for several weeks after waking up from coma.

The wrinkles on my dad’s forehead disappeared when he smiled at me. “And before it’s too late, I want to say sorry again, anak. But I just want you to know that everything I did was all for your sake. My motives are good but Papa commits mistakes sometimes. At sa oras na malaman mo ang lahat ay sana mapatawad mo pa rin ako.”

I nodded at him and I acted to be clueless even though I already had an idea about what he’s talking about. I wanted to forgive Papa so badly but I can’t. Mapapatawad ko lang siya kapag nalaman ko na ang buong istorya.

Pero taimtim pa rin akong nagdasal na sana tama si Papa. I hope his reasons can justify his actions.

Pagkalabas ko sa silid ng aking ama ay pinaligiran ulit ako ng aking mga bodyguards na kanina pa naghihintay sa akin. “Happy birthday,” bati naman ng isang babae sa aking harapan. I smiled at Xenia before I approached her. Pero bago ako makalapit sa kanya ay umalingawngaw ang tunog ng aking cellphone.