do you know who you are? | harry styles

3: love on tour night one

"bruv i cannot wait to hear your guitar solo in she" i say to mitch as i set up my make up.
"i was on drugs when i first created it"
"now that sir...is a cultural reset" i replied.
"you call everything a cultural reset"
"because it sounds COOL!"
"it doesn't make sense though!"
"yeah and my mum thinks im straight. your point?"

i noticed when i said that harry seemed a bit...down? nah - probably just nervous. anyway, mitch was lovely and we got on well.
"one day you will be appreciating my presence twenty four seven" i said to him as he left the room, a grin on his face: he was sick of my shit in a good way. i shrugged and turned to harry.
"harold...sir...take a seat" i beckoned harry to sit down. tonight he was wearing a pink suit.
"this is so exciting" i grinned.
"im a bit frightened" he said fondly.
"that's very normal. if at any point you feel uncomfortable let me know" i replied, washing my hands. "do i have permission to touch your face?" i added.
"you're supposed to" he furrowed his eye brows.
"yes but...i like to ask anyway. consent and that"

"you talk like a teenager" he replied.
"im from notth london harry. im related to a roadman. would you like me to continue?"
"yes. im really nervous" he admitted
"okay well i dont want to talk about myself right now so...why dont you do the talking?"
so he did. i did my job of doing his make up while he poured his worries out. i did a pink eye look that matched his suit. i made sure to add some glitter as...well...why not? i added highlight and blush. harry already has gorgeous lashes and refused to wear false ones - boring much - so i put mascara on instead. he also didn't want any eye liner. i added a nice lip stick and set it all.

he was nervous for the show - but excited.
"right, be careful when wiping sweat off yourself because it could wipe the make up off too" i replied as i gave him a mirror. his eyes lit up.
"oh my god" he smiled. "i love it" he looked up at me with glee. "thank you so much...i was worried i'd regret this but...im happy i did it"

"im glad you feel that wat" i took the mirror and closed my case.
"so...uh...odd question" he began. "you know before when you mentioned your mum thinking youre straight...is that true?"
"harry, is this you asking if im a lesbian?"
he blushes slightly. "uhh...um...yes?"
i laughed. "you could have just asked! and no. im bi. but i like to keep that on the low"
"why's that?" he asked. he seemed concerned.
"having a religious family who are against lgbt is hard. ive been closeted since i was 7"
"no way" he was shocked.

i nodded. "yeah but its alright. it doesn't bother me really" you kinda get used to it...
"harry! we're on it twenty!" sarah called from outside.
"on my way" he replied. he turned to me. "you coming?" he asked.
"oh, do i come too?" i asked stupidly.
"of course you do! youre part of the crew. c'mon" he opened the door and led me to get some refreshments. the rest of the crew were there. adam noticed us.
"harrys here!"

everyone saw his make up and cheered.
"you look awesome!" naomi grinned.
"thanks to mara" harry took my wrist and put my hand in the air. i jumped a bit at the sudden touch but i said nothing. probably just my nerves...but harry immediately let go of my wrist.

soon enough it was time for the show.
"mara can i have more highlight?" harry asked before he went on.  "sorry i just...i like it"
"no need to be sorry, of course you can!" i took a brush and compact out of my pocket and added a bit more.
"thanks" he smiled.
"no problem. good luck"

the show was amazing. golden was my favourite song on the album so i raved to that with harrys hair stylist who was awesome. i tried not to cry during "falling". that song meant a lot to me. but he was amazing. he was having so much fun. the way he talked to his fans was adorable. he asked one of them
"do you like my make up?" and the whole crowd went insane.
"my new friend mara did it for me. she's so talented" he added. "she does make up"

i smiled to myself. some appreciation.

HARRYS POV (oop)
"it doesn't make sense though" mitch replied.
"yeah and my mum thinks im straight. your point?" i paused and my face fell when those words came out of her mouth.

she's gay?
nothing wrong with it.
i just...think she's really pretty.
its not a crush, i thought to myself.

"harold...sir...take a seat" she smiled as mitch left. i went and sat down at the dressing table.
"this is so exciting" she grinned.
"im a bit frightened" i joked:
"that's very normal. if at any point you feel uncomfortable let me know" she replied, washing her hands. she was so kind. it was insane.

"do i have permission to touch your face?" she added. there we go again!
"you're supposed to" i furrowed my eye brows.
"yes but...i like to ask anyway. consent and that" consent and that?
"you talk like a teenager" i replied.
"im from north london harry. im related to a roadman. would you like me to continue?"
"yes. im really nervous" i admitted. "talk to me"
"okay well i dont want to talk about myself right now so...why dont you do the talking?" why did she NEVER want to talk about herself!?

i felt like i could be open around her though so i rambled on whole she got to work. i looked so cool by the time she finished. i loved it so much. she began to tidy away so i decided to ask.
"so...uh...odd question" i began. "you know before when you mentioned your mum thinking youre straight...is that true?"
"harry, is this you asking if im a lesbian?"
i blush slightly. "uhh...um...yes?"
she laughed. "you could have just asked! and no. im bi. but i like to keep that on the low"
"why's that?" i asked - this worried me.
"having a religious family who's against lgbt is hard. ive been closeted since i was 7" SHE KNEW SHE WAS BISEXUAL WHEN SHE WAS SEVEN!? and she kept it in for ages!
"no way" i gasped.
that must be so difficult for her.
she nodded. "yup. but its alright. it doesn't bother me really"

how did she not care?

we went back to the rest of the crew where everybody was impressed. i noticed how when i put her hand in the air she jumped a bit. i put it down quickly as mitch, sarah, naomi, adam, charlotte and i headed to the stage.