do you know who you are? | harry styles

46: planning

me and harry had had an emotional morning so we had a chill day. i posted a photo of a picture harry had taken me whilst we were in New York - i was giggling like a maniac over something and he'd taken a photo of me:

makeupbymara: excuse me um...i love you

"should we keep the engagement a secret till we get married?" he grinned.
"yes" that meant i couldn't wear the ring for a while but its okay.
"i love you harry" i kissed him gently.
"i love you too" he replied after.

of course later that night i texted my parents.

love how you didnt let harry marry me yet i proposed to him then he proposed to me lol. i dont care what you think of me or him. we're getting married and if you wont support me then fine. i love you but no❤️.

"woah" harry saw what i said.
"im sick of it" i sighed. i took off my clothes
and got into bed. harry was confused but shrugged it off. he took off his clothes and got into bed too.
"i guess we have a wedding to plan" he smiled.
"we do indeed" i smiled back. i was so excited.
"also...you always sleep in pyjamas" he furrowed his eye brows. then he realised. "oh"
"yeah, less talking my love" i replied as he pulled me into a kiss.

i awoke the next morning, my head against his chest. yeah long story short i got assaulted on tour and stopped fucking harry for months but...i could do it now. i got out of bed and put all our undergarments in the laundry basket. i then got in the shower. lucky for me, mr harry styles followed me in. i laughed when i saw him casually walk in with me.
"what? i cant save water with my fiancée?" he joked.
@
"of course you can" i laughed.

i got ready into this:

i didn't really wear a lot of make up if i wasnt going out so i just put on eye liner and mascara. i then put on some socks and doc martens. harry was watching me.
"stop staring harold" i said as i struggled to lace my docs. he knelt down and took over.
"youre gorgeous, angel" he shrugged. he pulled me up and we went downstairs to eat our breakfast.

"hey ella do you wanna be a bridesmaid?" i asked her on the phone.
"WHAT THE FUCK MARA!" she exclaimed.
"im asking! yes or no?" i replied.
"of course! what the fuck!"
harry laughed fondly. "well, we got our first bridesmaid" he smiled.
i texted my sisters and asked if they wanted to but they all replied with no. except the youngest one who desperately wanted to being involved.

I'll come just pls find me an outfit i have nothing oops

i started to cry. i was alone all over again. harry comforted me and told me everything would be okay. i believed him of course but i felt really hurt. my friend Ophelia said she would be a bridesmaid too as did leanne and my cousin Luna (who was pansexual and moved out when she was eighteen due to her homophobic parents). she was always supporting me. i also invited people from uni who i missed dearly and close friends. i'd invited my families but they all refused to come. so that was a bummer. we'd found gorgeous halls online and had all these amazing plans. we literally just spent the day planning.

"right, now to find cake and attire" harry said.
"Dope" i kisses under his ear and he smiled shyly.