do you know who you are? | harry styles

24: LA

harry had a photoshoot the next day and he really didn't want to go but he wanted to distract himself. he got up early and made us breakfast. he wasn't his usual talkative self - he was sad. he broke down at breakfast and i ran to comfort him. it pained me to see him hurt but i had no idea how to help him. i'd dealt with grief easily in my life as it was normal. but harry was different. on my way to the studio harry had one hand on the steering wheel and one in my hand tightly.

the photoshoot was gorgeous. harry really enjoyed it and i could tell. it really distracted him from the news. i had fun doing his make up as i hadn't in a while. he looked fucking gorgeous. i watched and admired him.

we got back and i went to go make us some lunch when harry asked to speak to me. it seemed important. we sat down at the kitchen table and he immediately clutched my hands.

"so...yesterday i realised that my mental health isn't really in a good place" he started. "so ive decided to go back to my therapist in LA" he replied. "but...i need to go alone" he looked really worried. "please dont be upset" he said quietly.

i got up and pulled him into a hug. he was taken by surprise but hugged me back. i released and cupped his face with my hands. he looked up at me with his striking green eyes
"im really proud of you. for putting yourself first" i said. "and i will miss you. a lot. but if this is what you need to do, do it. i'll be here in london waiting. and if you ever need me to come to you, i will"

he had tears in his eyes. "i love you so much mara"
"i love you too harry"

"it'll only be a month or so. and we have tour june till october" he said as we walked into the airport holding hands. i was quiet. i missed him already. "darling?" he saw i was emotional.
we stopped and he gave me a long hug. tears streamed down my cheeks. i heard a sniffle so i looked up to see harry with tears in his eyes.
"dont forget about me" i joked. he wiped his eyes.
"like i ever would" he responded.
"call me as soon as you land. and be safe"
"i will baby" he had never called me that before. "and please" a tear rolled down his cheek as he squeezed my hands. "don't do anything stupid" oh my god.
"harry..."
"please" he wiped his eye. i nodded and leaned up to kiss him. but he got there before me. he held my cheeks and connected our lips together.

"i'll see you soon. i love you. get home safely. and make sure to eat well" he said.
"i will. i love you too" we shared one last hug before he was off.

i got home and let me crying fill the house.
he had to do this. for himself but it hurt that he wasnt here.

but i always wanted him to do what was best for him.